Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH thinks I've given consent to be with new girlfriend

34 replies

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:22

AIBU to be to with DHs perception that because I've agreed to Divorce he thinks this is my consent for his new relationship with woman he's been having an affair with? He's been so selfish even bringing gf to our local pub on NYE and they plan to move in together soon.
I found out in August while on holiday

OP posts:

Report

Livelovebehappy · 06/01/2017 21:16

He is probably just throwing the word 'consent' around because it eases the guilt, and makes everyone else think you're on board and that he's not such a bad guy, and everything is hunky dory. At least him behaving like an arse gives you another reason to be glad he's out of your life. He's someone else's arse now.

whydoesitalwaysrainontheweeken · 06/01/2017 18:41

Thoughts are with you OP,

Was the pub a special place to you both ? Such crap timing NYE x

Darelydo · 05/01/2017 17:52

This advice is spot on, I need to channel my energy on positive/ future/ me ... I will never give him my consent, that's his agenda and he obvs just wants to be forgiven
It would all have been so different if he'd had the balls to talk about how he was feeling before being with someone else

OP posts:

anxiousnow · 05/01/2017 00:27

Yanbu op. What a twunt. I would have to tell him that although he doesn't need your consent as you are divorcing you most definitely do not give him your blessings. Just as you didn't give him consent or your blessing to betray you and your sons by having an affair and ripping your family apart.
I know it is hard, and for him to flaunt her is just cruel. I don't get why she would want that either tbh but obviously confirms what type of person she is.
I'm sorry ano hope one of your mutual friends tell him to f*ck off when next flaunting.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/01/2017 00:19

His talk of "consent" is so that he can tell everyone, and himself, that you are happy for him to have his new relationship. The fact that you are not, because why would you be, is not something that he wants to allow into his consciousness as that means him having to face up to his actions.

Wanker.

SandyY2K · 05/01/2017 00:16

Your reply could be " why are you thanking me. I haven't given any consent. If you think I am endorsing your new relationship, think again. I think you are a shit because of how you treated me

^^^ I like this response.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2017 00:15

Logically speaking, f you have split up and are now living in separate houses then I think it is reasonable for him to have a girlfriend. However, it is not considerate to flaunt her in the local pub. That's cheeky. If people go off with somebody else they should do the decent thing and move away. I bet he wouldn't like it if you did the same. I;d be tempted to find a handsome man (where are they all) and flaunt him.)

MrsMcMoo · 04/01/2017 23:50

She'll soon find out what a wanker he is. And you'll be free of him, living your own life. Good luck to her, she probably needs it. Onwards and upwards OP, you'll be ok

1horatio · 04/01/2017 23:48

YADNBU to be upset,

Thanking you for your consent?! What an arse. He sounds selfish and you deserve better.

Pallisers · 04/01/2017 23:47

he thanked me for giving my consent, which I hadn't given, why does he need it?

Because he wants to say to people "oh it has all be so civilised. My ex even gave her approval of new girlfriend"

Your reply could be " why are you thanking me. I haven't given any consent. If you think I am endorsing your new relationship, think again. I think you are a shit because of how you treated me. I don't care a whit about any of your future relationships"

mirokarikovo · 04/01/2017 23:38

Really sorry to hear that you are going through this. The grief that you are feeling for the end of this relationship will go through many stages and I think you are at Anger right now. That's OK.

Obviously he's a git. He broke his vows and had an affair, broke your trust and broke your heart. You will survive this. He hasn't broken you. You will be ok.

However when you agreed to the divorce you agreed that the vows that he broke are going to stay broken. The two of you are no longer committed to one another for better or for worse. He no longer feels any responsibility to pretend to have that commitment. And in a sense he is right.

By all means be angry with him. He has massively let you down. But don't fixate on this specific thing. He would still be just as much of a bastard if he kept away from his girlfriend till the divorce was finalised. You would still have just as much cause to be angry. So point the anger at the big picture.

hesterton · 04/01/2017 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:37

I'll go for a run in the morning and maybe that'll help
Night you all x

OP posts:

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:35

Bollox bollox bollox ....

OP posts:

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:34

Getting a divorce sucks and it still feels a bit surreal

OP posts:

Weloveoptimus · 04/01/2017 23:33

He is messing with your head. Don't overthink it, he obviously isn't.
Look after you....and btw you are well rid.

Blu · 04/01/2017 23:32

Tell him not to delude himself with talk of 'consent ', which is all about him trying to absolve himself of responsibility. Tell him you haven't 'consented ', his decisions reflect his behaviour alone.

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:32

I've 2 kids, the most amazing boys who are with me, feel blessed that I have them x

OP posts:

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:31

I've got a list of reasons why I'm pleased to not be with him but there's something else there that keeps dragging me down

OP posts:

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 04/01/2017 23:30

I can understand how very hurtful that would be. Do you have children? If not, cut yourself completely off from him.

Blu · 04/01/2017 23:30

It sounds very hard OP, and he is cruel and selfish to take her to your regular pub at NY, etc.

YANBU to be upset.

Thank goodness you are divorcing such an uncaring, inconsiderate git.

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:29

I feel so lonely esp in the evenings

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:29

he thanked me for giving my consent, which I hadn't given, why does he need it?

OP posts:

Patriciathestripper1 · 04/01/2017 23:28

If your getting a divorced why would he need your consent or your permission to be with someone else?
He obviously didn't seek it when he was having the affair?
He sounds like an utter bollox anyway flaunting her in your local pub.
You may not think do now but you probably well rid.

Weloveoptimus · 04/01/2017 23:27

Oh love, no YADNBU. Awful to through this.

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.