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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

No rights because i'm not married

171 replies

SweetPea2017 · 01/01/2017 23:12

I've been with my (now ex Partner) for 11 years, he owns the house. Does anyone know what rights I have as we never married? he kept saying we would, he refused for me to pay towards mortgage and was abusive if I mentioned been added to property.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 01/01/2017 23:20

There have been threads about this issue before. If you have children he is obliged to pay maintenance and you may be allowed to remain in the house until they reach 18 or older in some cases I think. If you don't have proof of contributing to the mortgage it is unlikely you will be entitled to claim any money from the house. This is dreadful.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 01/01/2017 23:36

Some information on the CAB website on constructive trusts. You could speak to Citizens' Advice in the first instance to find put where you stand.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 01/01/2017 23:37

Maybe post this in the legal section.

Quimby · 01/01/2017 23:44

If you've got kids then he'll have to pay child maintenance.

Beyond that you wouldn't have a right to a share of his assets if that's what you mean.

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:00

I can't believe you don't have the same right's as been married person, he's been stringing me along for 11 years. We lived as if we were married. People kept referring to him as my husband. I've read solicitors blogs, they all turn around and say, if you are reading this, your probably too late to do much. And he knew what a cohabitation agreement was and said nothing to me. I feel cheated, someone might as well shoot me. As 11 years has been wasted. And there is no-one who warns you about this. He knew, when he bought his house and his solicitors advised him not to put my name on the mortgage. Who was going to advise the other person?

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:02

What prevented you finding out this information yourself?

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:05

So your basically saying, trust no one and keep records of everything. This is so sad.... and the little boy has just had his room re-decorated a few months ago.

OP posts:

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 00:08

It wasn't his solicitors job to advise you too, that would have been for you to arrange. It always makes me shudder when people say it's only a piece of paper. It's not, it's your legal protection.

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Hopefully this thread can help save others from facing the same.

conkerpods · 02/01/2017 00:11

The 'common law' thing is a total myth. And boys and girls should be educated about this.
I'm not married but have been with partner for 11 years also. We have no intention to marry but I bought the house before we met and I also have a will. As we are not married I have stated in the will that I wish for DP to remain in the house until he dies if he wants to.
I personally believe it is important for women (and men) to look after themselves financially and to protect themselves should anything bad happen.

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:11

So your basically saying, trust no one and keep records of everything. This is so sad.

Err yes, common sense is to protect yourself! It isn't sad, it's sensible. What is sad is that you didn't do it and have found yourself in this position. There really is no excuse not to know your own rights!

Quimby · 02/01/2017 00:12

Unfortunately for people in your position the courts and legal system aren't there to bind adults to legal agreements (marriage) when they've elected not to enter that arrangement themselves.

Nor are they there to seek out and inform the uninformed who haven't sought advice off their own back.

I don't say that to be harsh or sarcastic, it's just the reality.
Who would you expect to advise you when you didn't seek out any information or advice about your own situation?

Now whether it would be beneficial to cover things like this in civics with secondary school pupils is another matter, I think it probably would and would take up very little time to do so.

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:13

The information out there is all mixed up. Living together seem's to have an open door situation when it comes to break ups. I was asking on here, just in case someone has been through the same thing as to ask what are the options. I've been to CAB, it depends on who you get as each volunteer is specialised in certain area's. They have been wonderful and very supportive.

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:15

The information out there is all mixed up.

The information out there in the solicitor's office? Oh you didn't speak to one?

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:16

I'm Asian, we don't have partner's. We get married. I was married before and didn't even know I was entitled to stuff. How would you know this unless someone you know had been through a similar situation?

Sorry, but none of the mum's i've spoken to at my son's school have checked there rights before entering a relationship. Some of them have been lucky to have already been living in a council house or most of them (who have split) were all married.

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:20

Entering a relationship is one thing. Moving in and having a child with someone without getting married is entirely different.

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:20

Totally agree, more education is needed. It has nothing to do with common sense. I always see the good in people. Why would I ever think a relationship would end. I don't really see the bad. Too much trust.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/01/2017 00:21

It won't help you to debate who should have told you. I think on some leave it's part of learning about marriage, you learn what rights you gain (and therefore what you don't have if you didn't marry). For some people it doesn't matter; in your case it does because your partner knew and actively made sure you stayed powerless with no rights.

There's no way to force more rights, unfortunately, the courts won't treat him as if he entered an agreement that he didn't. However you are in a better position because you have children, if they are his. Have you seen a solicitor? You may not need to leave unless you've already done so; although that's not guaranteed.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/01/2017 00:22

Cross posts. I suppose that's a personal thing more than an education thing but I do wish it was made clearer at school!

Its hard to plan the end of a relationship that you don't want to end; or don't see ending.

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:22

Why would I ever think a relationship would end

seriously??

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 00:23

You are articulate and can use the internet, the information is there for you to find. I'm sorry but you sound a little like the world owes you everything on a plate.

Is that due to the upset over the situation or do you really think this was someone else's responsibility?

In your situation now you need to see a solicitor to see what's rights you do have. Do you have a child together?

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 00:25

If you are already divorced then you know relationships end, why is it such a shock this time?

gettingtherequickly · 02/01/2017 00:28

If you have children together they will be entitled to maintenance.

Original poster

SweetPea2017 · 02/01/2017 00:32

Good idea, will try this. But it seem's I'm too late. Not everyone knows what there rights are. And to say it's common sense, when you don't even know what your rights are. Totally agree with the other person who said, they should teach these in secondary school. As it's a life changing mistake to have done. I just hope the outcome is going to be okay. More for my son than anything else.

OP posts:

OneWithTheForce · 02/01/2017 00:34

Not everyone knows what there rights are. And to say it's common sense, when you don't even know what your rights are.

No-one is born with the information, you have to go and find it!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 02/01/2017 00:38

they should teach these in secondary school.

Ask for it to be added into the national curriculum. There's bags of time - we're all just twiddling our thumbs trying to fill time.

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