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Original poster

So kids it turns out Nana is a narcissist.

51 replies

OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 20:48

I have three children DD1 is 10 ,DD2 is 8 and DS is 6. Both my parents have been actively involved in their lives up to now. I went NC is sept when I realised the route of my mum behaviour was that she was a narcissist. I explained to them that she did something not nice to me and just like I tell them to stay away from people who are mean to you, I am doing the same. Sadly my sister appears to also be a narcissist and so I have gone NC with her too.
The children have a had a week with my parents at half term without me and are going to spend a week with them from boxing day onwards. From then on I have decided to go full NC and not agree to the children having contact with them either.
But how do explain to them at the ages they are so they understand. They have no relationship with their father or his side. So it will just be me and the kids.

Help?
My 10 and 8 year olds are very switched on and won't take any crap.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 23/12/2016 20:53

I don't understand why they have spent a week there and are about to spend another week shortly? When you're NC...
I find that weird and like you're not actually as worried about her influence over your children as you should be or say you are.

uhoh2016 · 23/12/2016 20:55

Why on earth are you leaving your kids with someone for a whole week that you want to go NC with?? Why wait?
If your DCs take no crap then how are you going to explain that you were ok to leave them a whole week without you in the company of people you now no longer wish them to have any contact with whatsoever?

m0therofdragons · 23/12/2016 20:58

You hate your mum that much but will leave dc with her for free childcare? Bizarre Confused

RestlessTraveller · 23/12/2016 21:00

Is it just you that is diagnosing all these people with narcissism?

Groovee · 23/12/2016 21:01

If you feel that strongly about being non contact, why are they staying there? What will you do in future?

Bunkai · 23/12/2016 21:02

You're sending your DCs for a week on their own with two narcissists? Are you out of your mind! Shock

PossumInAPearTree · 23/12/2016 21:05

My mum is a narc and dd was very happy when I decided to go NC as mum was nasty to dd on more than one occasion. If she's a narc she will be being nasty to your kids and they will be pleased to go NC.

Confusednotcom · 23/12/2016 21:08

You've already told them why you're NC and I don't understand why you're letting dc stay with them ..? Why not all go NC at once, surely that'd be easier?

Confusednotcom · 23/12/2016 21:09

And I'd get them involved in lots of clubs so they have some positive adult role models.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 23/12/2016 21:12

OP says every 1 of her family is a narc except for her, sure you're not projecting OP Hmm

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:12

I don't hate her at all.
Thank you for being so kind ffs.

So far she has not done anything to them directly, yes she has hurt me and indirectly them. I went NC for my own sakes. I have only just come to understand narcissism and all that. As I said my children have no other family relationships as their father is emotionally absent in part due to his aspergers,his family couldn't care less about them. I only have a sister who I have had a lot of problems with. I went NC with her after she made false allegations to social services. I felt bad to end their relationship with another family member and one so active in their lives, and so allowed them the week at half term. Nothing happened that gave me concerns.
I raised this on here and it became clear that this was not a decision many understood. I am not going to ruin Christmas for the children by going NC now. Especially as their father has just cancelled his boxing day contact.
I do however understand that as they grow older they will become subjected to more of her behaviour and become directly affected, which is why I intend to go NC fully in the New Year.
They will at least have a last memory that is pleasant.

I have not diagnosed anyone with anything. But from what I have read and understood about narcissism, few people get a diagnosis as they would never see a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:14

Mother of dragons.... No words I really have no effing words for that comment!

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 23/12/2016 21:14

So you are NC with your kid's father, his parents, NC with your sister and now you are about to go NC with your parents?

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:15

Just ..No I said my mother and sister! Not everybody!

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 23/12/2016 21:15

Yes OP, it's so hard being the only one who's sane and right.

SundayNightRoast · 23/12/2016 21:17

It seems a shame to isolate your children from family support, particularly if they have not been subject to any nasty treatment.

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:17

Can someone tell me where I said that the kids father and family were narcs or that I was NC with them????

OP posts:
Confusednotcom · 23/12/2016 21:20

my children have no other family relationships as their father is emotionally absent in part due to his aspergers,his family couldn't care less about them.
I assumed you were NC or as good as, from this.

Manumission · 23/12/2016 21:21

OP says every 1 of her family is a narc except for her,

But she didn't, did she? Not even close.

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:21

No they just can't be added and as I said couldn't care less about them.

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 23/12/2016 21:22

my children have no other family relationships as their father is emotionally absent in part due to his aspergers,his family couldn't care less about them

They have no relationship with their father or his side. So it will just be me and the kids

Original poster
OopsDearyMe · 23/12/2016 21:22

Arsed*

OP posts:
SundayNightRoast · 23/12/2016 21:23

You've indicated that your children's father, and his family are emotionally absent,
Your sister (who seemed to care about their welfare, even though you feel this was misguided) is no longer involved with their lives as you have gone NC. And now you want to stop them from seeing their grandparents. It sounds as though you are gradually eroding their support network, which will leave only you.

Manumission · 23/12/2016 21:26

come to understand narcissism and all that. As I said my children have no other family relationships as their father is emotionally absent in part due to his aspergers,his family couldn't care less about them. I only have a sister who I have had a lot of problems with. I went NC with her after she made false allegations to social services. I felt bad to end their relationship with another family member and one so active in their lives, and so allowed them the week at half term. Nothing happened that gave me concerns.

Look OP if you're confident in your assessments, then you need to keep the DC safe from problematic stuff so far the safest thing to do with a narcissist or similar is not to leave them alone with that person. I know it's a big adjustment and easy to feel that what you've always done pre-rift will be okay.

Don't worry about the headcount of their relatives; Focus on quality of relationships and emotional health.

Confusednotcom · 23/12/2016 21:28

OP assuming you're right to make the decision you're making, I don't think you can sugar coat it too much if indeed DC will miss seeing the people you are going NC with.
Or, could you just keep putting it off if they suggest seeing DM and DSis? Are SC likely to miss them much? Is there a chance they'll bother you/DC? Are you going to tell them (adults) of your decision in the new year?