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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pls help me how to heal

67 replies

Beautiful38 · 08/12/2016 17:11

My ex left me for another woman. Prettier and younger. I realised this guy was just using me. He also told me how to get over him. I always got allot of attention from men when with him at the time he met this other girl, he made me feel ugly by saying he can't understand what men see in me whilst the new girl doesn't get same attention.
I'm finding the pain unbearable, Ithe would have been easier if I hadn't known he left me for someone else who he feels it's his dream woman. Has anyone been through this who can tell me the healing process and how to help heal quickly.

OP posts:
isseywithcats · 08/12/2016 17:16

one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, believe me having been there time is the greatest healer it dosent feel like it now but its so true, if you got attention while you were together he didnt like it so he has gone for a non threatening partner so she massages his ego, and wait long enough you will probably find out he has done the same to her because guys like him dont change, for now treat yourself to something nice , get together with some girli friends who are good for your well being and have a great night out somewhere

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 08/12/2016 17:51

The girl he has gone for is very attractive. I doubt he has chosen a non threatening partner, hence he made that comment that why would 'i' the less attractive girl get more attention than the one who he feels is much prettier than me. He clearly left me for a prettier option.

OP posts:
Notmyweek2 · 08/12/2016 21:45

He's a wanker!

Who the f says that!

It's difficult, don't stop yourself from crying otherwise you'll only feel worse!

I've been through it twice now (you'd think I'd learn the first bloody time!)

Time & crying helps....as does copious amounts of alcohol (not for me! I'm bloody pregnant with his child)....I realise I'm not really helping here! I'm sorry

Cricrichan · 08/12/2016 21:49

What a weirdo! What's the point of commenting on strangers paying his ex more attention than his current gf? Well you're obviously prettier op, not that it matters. He sounds like a prize prick and you're better off without him.

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 08:30

Thanks.

It has hurt he has left me for her. How does one deal with that pain? I wake up every morning feeling like crap whilst he is happy! I don't want to feel hurt over him.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 09/12/2016 08:36

Doesn't sound like he is a great catch for his new gf. What he said is horrible and you will look back soon and see you had a lucky escape. Meanwhile mind yourself, treat yourself to little treats, surround yourself with people who like and wait for time to heal. He is not a nice person. Please let that horrible remark out of your mind as it's not based on any truth so totally low down stuff. Mind yourself. You will come through.

hellsbellsmelons · 09/12/2016 09:04

How long were you together?
My ExH left me for a younger model.
At the time, I though prettier etc..... but she wasn't.
And he is a cock and has totally messed his life up.
As others have said - TIME - it really does take time to heal from this kind fo thing.
Was he nasty in other ways?
I have a feeling what he has said now is just the tip of the nasty iceberg!
This guy cheated on you.
He will do it to her as well.
Be glad he's out of your life and do what it takes to heal.
Do you think counselling might help you come to terms with things?

Unrequitedlove · 09/12/2016 09:10

I'm going through the same. The new woman is pretty but I think a touch older. She's smart, has plenty of friends..
hurts like hell, more than anything I'm past the rawness and feel unbelievably angry at anyone Sad
I won't ever see him again as it was a LDR.. perhaps that's a good thing or I may have caused drama (unlike me normally)
It's just time. These men have a knack of destroying self esteem. How long were you together?

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 09:16

Thanks for your response.

I was with him 8 months. On and off quite a bit. He always used to accuse me of cheating and always felt I would leave him for someone else. In fact it now seems it was all about his own intentions. Something that he does.

Yes this one is pretty as I saw her photo. It doesn't help. It feels so unfair. Why do the bad people get a better deal?

He was actually quite cruel when he was trying to break up.

He was also in touch with all his ex gf plus girls he just had fun with. What for? I confronted him he said he will stop talking to them but in fact I found out he hadn't and still met a few whilst we were together. As soon as we broke up he would contact them immediately too. I found all this out in the end. But I had my suspicions during our time together and fought allot over it.

The day this new girl confirmed she will date him... that same morning before he spoke to her for a date, he was making commitments to me... then later in the day he was trying to drop me.

I just can't believe how I got so manipulated and fooled. Feelings do make you blind.

OP posts:
Unrequitedlove · 09/12/2016 09:21

How old is he?
I can only hope in the long run they don't get the better deal as they move from one to another without resolving their own issues, almost a distraction?

ocelot7 · 09/12/2016 09:23

You will come to realise what a lucky escape you have had from this nasty man!
You need time to get to this point
Time will pass much quicker if you are busy, active & having fun.So do not sit around moping - plan something fun for this weekend!

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 09:48

He is 35 years old.

What also hurt me was that he was trying to fix me up with someone else before he left me.

He himself told me that I should be glad that I found out what he is like and that I should be happy finding this out as it will help me to move on.

I meant absolute nothing to him what so ever. I was killing myself trying to make things work out for him, whilst in his head he was using me until he met what he was looking for.

I am 2 years older than him and divorced. He has not been married before. Despite me confronting him about his deeds. He later said if I need a real excuse to get over him, he said his problem with me is that I'm divorced and it won't be worth the fight with his family as they won't accept me. ( tunisian culture). If he knew this why mislead me into a relationship. He clearly knew I was looking for commitment family etc.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 09/12/2016 09:50

He's an abusive scumbag ho isn't worth a single tear Chocolate

Being attractive is down to far more than superficial appearance. Nothing you day about the things he's said and done to you make him sound the least bit attractive. DH has a big nose acne scars and wonky teeth but absolutely gives me the fanny gallops because of all of who he is.

If it hasn't been mentioned, yet, you need to look up the freedom program. It'll help you not to be seduced by abusive lists, again

PickAChew · 09/12/2016 10:05

And she is only what he is looking for until the next shiny new bit of squeeze comes along. No doubt, by that point, he'll have compared her unfavourably with other women and insisted that she's cheating on him, too. He's an arse and, at 35, I doubt he'll be anything else, ever.

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 10:06

Yea he was mean.

I used to be the prettiest thing he had until he got someone better then all of a sudden he doesn't get what guys see in me and not his new gf.

I was so angry I slapped him out of my apartment middle of the night. I had enough of his mistreatment towards me. He was still trying to justify himself after and started accusing me but all just made up stuff. I didn't accept any of it. Then he blocked me.

I'm angry why I stayed with a guy like this. He manipulated me and I believed him. I have a good heart and I'm committed. But will follow my instincts and doubts next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 10:09

It's just horrible to be left picking up the pieces he broke in me. Whilst he is out there not believing his good luck.

OP posts:
LunaJuna · 09/12/2016 10:10

Oh what a immature wanker!
Count your blessings he's out of your life!
And stop comparing yourself with his new gf! It's not about the way people look but about how they make you feel(and sex appeal Grin)
Where did you see her picture? Fb?
We all know people just bullshit on fb so don't go in.

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 10:24

I saw it on watsapp profile pic on his phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 10:28

I know he is an idiot. But I have feelings for him now and knowing he is with someone else really hurts in my heart. I hate this feeling.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 09/12/2016 10:31

Look up 'Narcissist' and 'Sociopath'
You'll find him there and read up on it.
You'll be glad he's gone and you can try to move on.
It seems there were many red flags with this dipshit that you completely ignored from the start - why???
Please look up the Freedom Programme.
Either attend in person (contact Womens Aid) or you can do it on-line.
It will help with your self-esteem, help to spot red flags, help to put your own boundaries in place and avoid dick heads like this in future!!!
Gotta be worth doing? It costs £10 on-line.

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 10:38

Yes red flags where there. I should have walked away sooner but I got emotionally involved (sex). I liked his company and had something to do. Everytime I did walk away he managed to talk me into coming back making promises not to repeat his behaviour . Since I was emotionally attached to him I gave him the benefit of doubt. I have now realised people won't change. If u see something u don't approve as in red flag. Walk away for good.

OP posts:
Notmyweek2 · 09/12/2016 11:42

Beautiful, going through exactly the same as you right now, I'm currently 3 weeks in.

Message me if you like, talking about it helps

Unrequitedlove · 09/12/2016 13:43

When did this happen beautiful?

Original poster
Beautiful38 · 09/12/2016 13:54

4 weeks ago.

OP posts:
Unrequitedlove · 09/12/2016 15:39

It's very early. I remember those earlier days however the anger is only coming out in me now, some 6 months later.
Keep posting..