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Original poster

Am I being used or does he care

69 replies

Blushingm · 26/10/2016 20:11

Been friends with guy for 3 years, been sleeping together all that time and yet in his words I'm not 'Mrs material'
I've met some of his family, I've met his son, I've spoken to his mum on the phone and by text - she always says she wishes she knew me better. His family all know who I am and that we aren't a couple

I know he chats on plenty of fish. He said he really liked one girl and was really down when she wouldn't meet up with him.

We've both always said we are going to be friends for life but that we won't ever be together . I don't think I'd ever be able to cope with living with him but the thought of him with someone else crushes me.

Is he using me for sex and company til someone better comes along?

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 26/10/2016 20:15

Yes.

AnyFucker · 26/10/2016 20:17

Yup

PinkSquash · 26/10/2016 20:18

Of course he is and it isn't doing you any favours.

eddielizzard · 26/10/2016 20:18

yes

get out there and find someone much nicer.

DeleteOrDecay · 26/10/2016 20:20

Yes and over time this will erode away at your self esteem, if it hasn't already.

You deserve better, ditch him and find someone who wants the same things as youFlowers

IminaPickle · 26/10/2016 20:21

Yes. Do you think you deserve better?

Sweets101 · 26/10/2016 20:24

Yes, not meaning to be unkind but why are you asking? He's already told you this himself.

SoleBizzz · 26/10/2016 20:27

Omg yes. You are his doormat. He sounds so unable to care about how you feel about you, him and together. it's unreal. I feel sorry for you as I know how you feel. He is using you and gets a kick from you loving him. You do love him don't you? Or can we when we dislike ourselves so much someone treating you like shit is better than ...what..being lonely?

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 26/10/2016 20:27

Read your OP back but this time pretend it's one of your friends speaking and asking you for advice. What would you say to them?

You have your answer.

FetchezLaVache · 26/10/2016 20:32

He's told you he doesn't see you as LTR material. He openly discusses his OLD prospects with you. For goodness' sake listen to what he is telling you! Either you're happy with being FBs or you're not, and if you're not, you need to get out. You deserve far better.

alphabook · 26/10/2016 20:34

Yes. I was in a situation like this and it took me way too long to realise that he wasn't really my friend. Friends shouldn't be treated with so little respect.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 26/10/2016 20:37

Yes.

HardToDeal · 26/10/2016 20:37

Yes. Have you slept with anyone else in that time? What would happen if you did?

category12 · 26/10/2016 20:38

Are you happy? Do you actually want a full-on relationship?

Louisajohnson224 · 26/10/2016 20:44

Of course he doesn't care...soon as he meets someone he will drop you like a hot brick.
You are good whilst he is single and needs sex..wouldn't count on him being friends after he gets a gf either.
End it now,you will get hurt otherwise
I think you know you will ..

Original poster
Blushingm · 26/10/2016 20:47

I'm terrified of being lonely and no one ever wanting me ever again,so the fact he's been sleeping with me this long makes me think he must like me. He talks to me every day......doesn't that means he cares?

But then I have zero self esteem - an unhappy marriage eroded what little I ever had

OP posts:
Louisajohnson224 · 26/10/2016 20:49

Of course people will want you ..he doesn't want you ..your just someone to sleep with.
Do you not want someone to date? Not just have sex with?
He isn't helping your self esteem ..if he cared about you he wouldn't be doing what he is doing

Angleshades · 26/10/2016 20:52

Turn the tables. Can you imagine yourself sleeping with a man for 3 years and telling him he's not marriage material while chatting to other blokes on plenty of fish? D'you think that action would make him feel good? Would you say it because you cared about him? No. You probably wouldn't behave like that to anyone right? So why is it ok for a guy to do this to you?

category12 · 26/10/2016 20:53

I should think he cares, but it doesn't sound like he wants any more with you than he already has. Is that OK with you?

If you want a conventional relationship on the escalator to living together and all that, then he's not your man. And I think you should probably do some work on your self-esteem with counselling or something, and see where you are.

PinkSquash · 26/10/2016 20:54

Have you dated anyone in these past three years?

Original poster
Blushingm · 26/10/2016 20:54

I'd love someone to date but I don't think anyone will want to date me!

I'm fat & old & boring. There's nothing exciting or interesting or attractive about me

He tells me he loves me and that he will always be there

Am I really that much of a chump?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/10/2016 20:55

Oh dear me.

He likes you alright. When Plenty of Fish isn't dealing the goods

You are worth much more than this

PinkSquash · 26/10/2016 20:56

You deserve more than to be someone's fall back option! If he likes you, then many other people will be interested in you too.

Work on your self esteem

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 26/10/2016 21:03

He's an utter commitment phone. Stop sleeping with him right now. Give him the ultimatum just friends or a relationship. Mean it. If he really does love you he will commit. If he doesn't you are better off out of it or your life will be one of heartache and being chucked to One side every time he sees someone he fancies on a dating site.

If he flees walk away and find someone who cares for you properly.

SoleBizzz · 26/10/2016 21:04

He WILL be gone when he finds someone else. Promise.

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