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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Did you give him another chance? Or go?

69 replies

Lily15 · 19/10/2016 18:52

for those of you who have been where I am now..I know it makes no difference to my outcome I just want to know what you did after you found out your other half had cheated.

OP posts:

AllStar14 · 19/10/2016 19:10

I wanted it to work so decided to stay, but that only lasted three months. I couldn't forgive him and I'm now so glad left.

AnyFucker · 19/10/2016 19:12

it's a long time ago now, but he did it again

and again

I would never forgive a cheater now

LineyReborn · 19/10/2016 19:16

I gave him another chance because we had a toddler and I was pregnant.

He did it again and left when the new, second baby was a toddler. I didn't want him back by then. He thought I would, but I didn't. I survived.

I'm sorry, OP, I saw your other thread.

Yourarejokingme · 19/10/2016 19:18

Mine did it once and I took him back like a fool as he thought that was the green light to cheat through out our marriage. I was made out to be paranoid and crazy. I was isolated as he'd slept with a fair few of my friends to boot. The one I was close to couldn't understand why I broke her nose when she told me after we'd split not my crowning moment but I was so angry at her and him.
So no if they cheat they are gone no second chances.

PoldarksBreeches · 19/10/2016 19:30

I stayed, then later left. It was never ok again.

willconcern · 19/10/2016 19:34

I stayed the first time. 10 years & 2 kids later, he did it again & left.

I never really forgot the 1st time, & wish I'd binned him then.

No cheaters for me now. You cheat, you're out.

Muddlingthroughtoo · 19/10/2016 19:37

My dad had an affair, then not long after, my mum had an affair. That was 23 years ago and they are still together, it was a horrible time though and it took years for them to get over it. My heart still breaks when I remember back and I'm 38 now.

MissWillaCather · 19/10/2016 20:14

I've given him another chance. It's very hard though.

If I could go back in time I'd throw him out and run for the hills.

OnMyShoulders · 19/10/2016 21:11

I let him stay. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Now I'm having an affair.

Bingybongybashy · 19/10/2016 22:10

I've let him stay, as he was having a nervous breakdiwn at the time. Also I feel I owe it to my five year old son to give it a go. It's so bloody hard but I've made no promises..... Time will tell...

RolfsBabyGrand · 19/10/2016 22:13

He talked his way out the first (prostitutes) I thought I was being paranoid. Second time round he denied the existence of a text I'd seen just seconds earlier. By the third time I had a baby to think about and finally realised we deserved better. Kicked him out. Should have done it first time but at least I have my beautiful child.

CharlieSierra · 19/10/2016 22:19

I gave him another chance because I was scared of being on my own with 3 children, I had not worked for over a decade and had lost all my confidence. I went straight out and got a job though. He turned out to be a serial offender and I left him 5 years later. I wish I hadn't wasted any more time on him.

IsNotGold · 19/10/2016 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsNotGold · 19/10/2016 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fintress · 19/10/2016 22:41

I took him back, married him and he did it again and I filed for divorce immediately. You go through hell but you eventually come out the other side. I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

It happened 7 years ago and I am very happily remarried. Out of the blue I got an email from my ex recently with photos taken of me on our honeymoon and blurb saying he had split with the female he left me for. Not sure what exactly he was expecting from me.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/10/2016 22:49

I said I would try but a day or so after that (it's all a bit of a blur) I knew I couldn't and it would never be the same.
So no. I didn't give him another chance.
And when he wanted to try again a year or so later I had moved on and found myself.
It's a hard decision. But it's entirely your decision.
Think it through fully.
Don't put pressure and don't make any promises.

CatBallou2 · 19/10/2016 22:55

I stayed, but he cheated many more times. Just EA's, he told me - laughable. The irony is, he left me in the end, for a friend. How I wish I'd left him. I'm really not sure that I'll ever get involved again.

MissWillaCather · 20/10/2016 08:30

See, Cat, that's partly why I've stayed: if he could do this then I will never trust anyone again anyway, so those issues won't magically go if I leave.

It's very hard, and up and down, any sniff of anything else, or any disrespect and I will leave regardless. I feel stronger now and have sorted my life out so I could manage perfectly well without him.

CatBallou2 · 20/10/2016 10:41

It's a shame, MissWillaCather, that we can't see what our future relationships, if any, will be like. Maybe we'd get some comfort, or otherwise, from this.

Have you considered seeing a counsellor? It'll help you to see things more clearly.

Best of luck to you.

betrayedandwobbly · 20/10/2016 10:46

We have been separated for nearly 4 years since discovery.

But we got on well recently and have been discussing a second chance. I keep getting cold feet, and I am still trying to find out if that's reasonable nerves given the situation or if there is something still bothering me.

We're going on holiday over half term (with DC) - perhaps I'll feel more certain one way or another after that.

mickyblueyes · 20/10/2016 11:32

Lose a cheater gain a life!

loobyloo1234 · 20/10/2016 11:42

I stayed ... biggest regret of my life. Green light to do it repeatedly ...

MissWillaCather · 20/10/2016 12:43

Yes, if I didnt have children I would be far far away.

But because if them I can't ever be free of him and the hurt, and I don't want to have weekends and Christmases and birthdays without seeing them.

I wouldn't rule out dating again if I did leave, but would never be able to be my real self, relax and trust someone fully again, not being a martyr, I have just been changed by this fucking awful experience.

Saw your other thread, op and now how you feel, sorry 💐

bananamilkshake1 · 20/10/2016 16:49

I stayed and then 6 years later he did it again & left. Now happily divorced & with DP.

I should have left the first time he did it..

loobyloo1234 · 20/10/2016 17:00

Lily I just read your other post ... how are you doing? Take some time to really think about what you want and then we can hold your hand in the process if need be

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