Did you give him another chance? Or go?

[Lily15]

for those of you who have been where I am now..I know it makes no difference to my outcome I just want to know what you did after you found out your other half had cheated.

I booted him out after a humiliating two weeks of pick me dancing. I eventually decided that I'd eventually get over him but I wouldn't eventually get over what he'd done or the way it made me feel.
Hard at first with 4 kids one only 8months but it worked out really well for me in the end.

I took him back, then he did it again, 10 years later. If I had my time again I'd have finished it the first time. It was only one of many abusive behaviours, cheaters tend not to be decent men.

Is an affair abusive? Lying, gas lighting, controlling to cover the lies, often risking your partner's sexual health. So , yes, I'd say so.

I would have done anything to save my marriage when I found out he'd been cheating on me. He was abroad for work and refused to come back. The final straw, as we communicated by email, was him telling me a joke that the office staff (who he had said the previous day he couldn't contact!) had told him on the phone. He really didn't give a shit and that was the final straw for me. I told him not to bother coming back and packed his bag. He still thought he could just click his fingers and I would go running back.

It took me quite a while to get rid of him and he filed for divorce on our 24th wedding anniversary - crass or what? I am healthier and happier since I got over him, but I would never trust a man again. Looking back, I can see that he had been cheating on me a lot and I consider myself extremely fortunate to not have caught anything from him. Good luck Lily

It seems pretty iniversal that they will do it again, or that trust can't be rebuilt.

I am reconsidering after thinking hard about all this.

*universal

I have stayed with my DH post affair.

I haven't posted as I don't come on here v often any more.

I couldn't be happier. We are almost three years on. I think it's three. It might be two or four. I honestly can't be bothered to check back for the exact year, although I guess if I really thought about it I'd know...

DH has worked so hard to repair our relationship. I obviously don't have a crystal ball so I can't foresee the future. But we are happier than we have ever been. I know he loves me. I love him. It can be done. But the perpetrator of the affair has to put in a hell of a lot of work.

DH was willing to. Apart from a wobbly month or three post discovery when I don't think he knew his arse from his elbow as it was so out of character for him to behave in this way, he has never wavered from his goal of making sure our relationship was better and stronger and making me trust him again.

my mum took my dad back. he did it again 5 years later.
my ex did. i took him back. he cheated constantly after that. eventually i ditched him. he's cheated on his gf of 9 years with similar regularity...

I took him back after a minor transgression with a colleague that I discovered by pure chance. But I was always paranoid from then on, and I started snooping, which I'd never done before.
Rightly paranoid though, as it turned out, because he was still trying to properly get into this other women's pants even while he was begging me to forgive him and crying about how he'd do anything I needed.

Would I give someone else another chance? Depends.

A friend of mine discovered her husband had cheated, not really an affair but had relations with the same woman (her best friend) multiple times. They stayed together and are now one of the happiest and closest couples I know. She discovered the cheating about nine years ago and I honestly don't think he would ever put her through that again.
Only you know your own relationship, hope everything works out for you x

First time I found out about cheating-1year into marriage. Forgave it as a drunken 1 night stand. 18 years on-he's just left me (3 weeks ago) as " I am something out of the 1930s" because I won't accept him sexting and arranging to meet (but he says he doesn't meet ) other ppl.
Presume that he has actually been meeting other people all along.Good riddance.

Hi Lily, Just extending a hand of friendship and wanted to say I really feel for you in what must be a devastating situation. Sending you a hug, love, care and courage to do what you know in your heart is right for you x

Make sure you don't take him back OP.
He's not telling you the whole truth.

My ex cheated on me with the excuse 'I hadn't being paying him enough attention'
Same here, and we worked things out and had a good few years.
But it has happened again, I think he assumed I would react the same way, take some of the blame and stay together and this time it is curtains.
Last time, I didn't want anyone to know, none of my friends knew.
This time I have confided in friends because I know we will split and I need their support.