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Original poster

Accidentally locked DH out last night- he is still sulking...

70 replies

SuzanneSays · 17/09/2016 23:34

I don't know If I am in the wrong or not. Last night DH came Home from 5 nights away with work just as I was finally getting toddler to sleep (he could have got home earlier but stopped to buy trainers from shop near airport on way home as he wants to improve fitness).
I could hear him Swearing as he was coming in front door but had no idea why, and as toddler was finally sleeping but wakes easily I didn't want to rush down. Max 5 mins later when DD was def asleep I came downstairs ( at that point he was ringing my phone) and realised he was locked out. Somehow I had accidentally left the key in the door at such an angle that it had blocked him getting in-never happened before and obv an accident! I opened door and he immediately began shouting at me- asked him to keep it down as DD had just gone to sleep and he basically said he didn't give a shit and why had I locked him out. I said it was an accident, he carried on shouting so I just went back upstairs to bed.
He fell asleep on the Sofa and this morning he asked me for an apology. I am so cross, as he was so rude and I felt like he was deliberately banging about to wake up DD after I asked him to keep it down. He is angry that I won't apologise, but I feel like I would have apologised I he hadn't been so bloody nasty when I opened the front door. Also, it was a fucking mistake!!! He is now saying he will lock me out and see how I feel?

OP posts:
Princesspinkgirl · 17/09/2016 23:39

Abuse on his behalf it's not acceptable and I would tell him so

category12 · 17/09/2016 23:43

I can understand being a bit pissed off for about 5 minutes until you realise it's a mistake - to still be angry about it the next day and demanding apologies is over the top and weird. What's he like normally? Does he have a lot of blow-ups?

Wondermoomin · 17/09/2016 23:46

As an isolated incident, it's not abuse. Its definitely over the top. Personally I would leave him to sulk, he might realise how ridiculous he's been. It's annoying to be (accidentally) locked out but not worth holding a grudge about. Surely he will see that...?

CharminglyGawky · 17/09/2016 23:49

His reaction was totally OTT and frankly ridiculous! It was an accident, not your fault (if it had never happened before it is not like you would know you had to pull the key out) and the whole thing was a non-event, freak accident locks him out for a minute or so and you let him in. His reaction was abusive.

I grew up in a house where if the key is in the lock you can't get in, both the front and back doors were the same so even if you had both keys in theory it was possible to be locked out of both doors! At least one person a week would have to ring the bell to get in, we all did it and we all knew it was accidental and really really not a big deal, we rang the doorbell and were in the house within seconds! If you were worried about a sleeping child you can ring a mobile... not rocket science.

PippaFawcett · 17/09/2016 23:54

DH locks me out all the time! He always gets home first and puts the chain on out of habit and puts the DC to bed, shuts living room door and watches TV etc and yes, it is annoying. However, I wait patiently until he hears me and then I grumble and moan as I'm coming in, but that is it. It is a mistake.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/09/2016 23:55

I wouldn't withhold an apology just because someone else did something. If I do something shitty or accidental or whatever I just like to own up to it and sort of clear my conscience. I don't think it would matter how the other person was behaving.

LozzaChops · 18/09/2016 00:18

....why does he think you'd lock him out on purpose? Hmm

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 18/09/2016 00:20

It's an odd prolonged reaction to not being able to get through the front door. Is there history of locking the door if he isn't home when expected or had he done that to you in the past?

LozzaChops · 18/09/2016 00:31

Aye, it sounds like there's more going on to me.

BackforGood · 18/09/2016 00:32

Sounds like an odd reaction from both of you tbh.
If you heard him at the front door - but not actually being able to get in it - for several minutes, then yes, I would have expected you to go down after the first minute or so to see what's up. He's been away with work for 5 days, prob tired from the traveling and then he can't get in the house (initially an accident) but surely if you thought about yourself being in the same situation, it would be very, very annoying / upsetting to think that you didn't come down at that point to let him in.

Of course it's not nice to be shouted at, however. So he was wrong in that, and seems OTT to carry on sulking to the next day.

I know it's never popular on MN to see both sides so expect to be shot down.

AndNowItsSeven · 18/09/2016 00:35

Unless your toddler was attached to your breast then you should have left him in sooner.

LozzaChops · 18/09/2016 00:38

Seven - she didn't know he was locked out until she went downstairs!

AuditAngel · 18/09/2016 00:41

I got home tonight to find both the porch door and front door open.

I rang DH at work to ask why. He told me that my mum was there (she wasn't, she was with me), he said her car was there.

But I said it wasn't that the door wasn't deadlocked, it was ajar

I made mum plus 3 kids wait in the car whilst I checked for intruders.

He put the phone down on me.

But when the kids were babies, we managed o go out leaving the door open on a number of occasions.

DelphiniumBlue · 18/09/2016 00:42

Can't help wondering why you'd locked the door, wasn't late at night - is it one of those doors that needs to be locked to close?
Am also thinking that 5 days away working, he was probably tired and looking forward to coming home and seeing you, and you left him on the doorstep for at least 5 mins. Not the welcome home he was probably hoping for.
So not surprised really at his reaction.
Still not nice for him to be shouting, but I reckon you should both apologize.

LozzaChops · 18/09/2016 00:52

Honestly I think you did nothing wrong. You didn't purposefully lock the door, you didn't know he was locked out, you didn't knowingly leave him standing anywhere.

He's being deeply unpleasant, and a bit childish.

Maybe just reiterate that you hadn't barricaded him out with plans to pour burning oil from the upstairs window or anything...

Wondermoomin · 18/09/2016 01:06

I think the normal thing to have happened might have been "oh sorry, I didn't realise I'd locked you out" whilst opening the door, before he had the chance to really go off on one.
The whole thing sounds like mountains out of molehills, I can't stand it when people carry on sulking from day to day over things that shouldn't really have mattered that much.

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 18/09/2016 01:20

there are issues with your relationship and he sounds quite an angry person. He didn't rush home, but bought trainers instead. Reading this, I think the locked door wasn't an accident, but done by someone who is unhappy. Take care

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 01:24

How about

"I am sorry that I left the key in the door and you couldnt get in. It wasnt intentional but I realise that it was a PITA for you, so I apologise. Now would you like to apologise for shouting when our child had only just gone to sleep, sulking all day and for behaving like a fucking brat over something that was clearly not meant maliciously?"

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/09/2016 01:31

In my house we would be pissing ourselves laughing about the locking out for 5 minutes.

Your DH is a dick. Don't apologise unless he grovels for being a total dick to you.

DH and I have done stuff like that locking out to each other a few times. We take it as a sign that the "offender" was exhausted and is thus in obvious need of extra support and the "victim" provides that support. That's because neither of us is a dick.

Bogeyface · 18/09/2016 01:31

delphinium we always keep our front door locked. Our front door opens on to the street and if I was upstairs then someone could easily get in without me hearing them. Insurance companies often use this as a reason to not pay out, as part of their terms and conditions is that you secure your property.

HappyJanuary · 18/09/2016 04:42

If you could hear him swearing at the door then you presumably heard him knocking too?

Five minutes is actually a long time, and I don't understand why you didn't go to open the door sooner, or see what the problem was. Surely your DC wanted to see him?

Maybe he thought you had done it on purpose, particularly if you were irritated that he'd stopped to buy trainers, or didn't seem sorry when you eventually opened the door.

Having said that, bad behaviour on his part, to be shouting in the first place, and to carry it on the next day.

Secretsandlies222 · 18/09/2016 06:46

His sulking is unacceptable. However, It sounds as if there was some passive aggression on your side too, OP, perhaps because he chose to shop instead of coming home immediately. You knew the door was locked, could hear him outside but you didn't let him in at that point. So it doesn't sound like an innocent mistake as you suggest and perhaps your DH knows this.

RiceCrispieTreats · 18/09/2016 06:55

I won't why you didn't apologise when you opened the door (and still won't). What do you think apologies are for? Intentional wrongdoings?? No, they are for honest mistakes that have harmed another.

RiceCrispieTreats · 18/09/2016 06:55

I *wonder, it should say.

yodaonthebars · 18/09/2016 07:06

I actually think his behaviour was unacceptable. Exp once behaved like this after HE went to work without his keys. He didn't talk to me for two weeks at all because he had no keys on the one night in ten years I went out with a friend. I actually came back for the tosser and he reacted similarly.

In a normal healthy relationship he might be pissed off for a very short period of time but the next day and threatening to lock you out too?

Surely a normal situation would be

Banging on the door
Op opens the door
Dp: I've been bloody knocking for five minutes you locked me out!
Op: Oh sorry I didn't realise. The key must have been in a funny position.
Dp: Minor mumbling then on with their day.

To still be paddying about it like a baby and demanding apology the next day is pathetic.