Accidentally locked DH out last night- he is still sulking...

[SuzanneSays]

I don't know If I am in the wrong or not. Last night DH came Home from 5 nights away with work just as I was finally getting toddler to sleep (he could have got home earlier but stopped to buy trainers from shop near airport on way home as he wants to improve fitness).
I could hear him Swearing as he was coming in front door but had no idea why, and as toddler was finally sleeping but wakes easily I didn't want to rush down. Max 5 mins later when DD was def asleep I came downstairs ( at that point he was ringing my phone) and realised he was locked out. Somehow I had accidentally left the key in the door at such an angle that it had blocked him getting in-never happened before and obv an accident! I opened door and he immediately began shouting at me- asked him to keep it down as DD had just gone to sleep and he basically said he didn't give a shit and why had I locked him out. I said it was an accident, he carried on shouting so I just went back upstairs to bed.
He fell asleep on the Sofa and this morning he asked me for an apology. I am so cross, as he was so rude and I felt like he was deliberately banging about to wake up DD after I asked him to keep it down. He is angry that I won't apologise, but I feel like I would have apologised I he hadn't been so bloody nasty when I opened the front door. Also, it was a fucking mistake!!! He is now saying he will lock me out and see how I feel?

[Believeitornot]

Yanbu

It sounds like you thought he was in and wanted to settle the toddler. Ive been there.

He then went massively over the top.

Alarm bells are ringing with the childish ignoring. Is he happy in your relationship? Sounds like an excuse to be cross with you.

[jimbob1]

My DH never used to take a key on a night out and on one occasion I forgot to check with him and went to bed. HE returned home, couldn't get in, couldn't wake me and so had to walk to his mates 40 mins away in the rain. I apologised, he agreed he should have taken a key and we moved in.
Much worse than 5 mins and he wasn't rude to me at all!

[LynetteScavo]

You accidentally locked him out, therefore you should have apologised at the time. But you both need to move on now...he sound tired and you sound stubborn. Or maybe you both are both.

[Longdistance]

He shouted at her immmediately Lynette

I wouldn't apologise now.

Just say 'if you can't accept it as a mistake, fuck off'

But, I'm stubborn

[Anniegetyourgun]

If I'd come home from a work trip to find the door locked I'd have knocked on it.

[SuzanneSays]

Thanks for all your replies. To answer a few questions:
The door has to be locked to be closed- so no option to leave it open!
I honestly did not realise he was locked out till I came downstairs- there was a load of crap in the hall and I thought maybe he'd tripped over it or something.
I didn't get a chance to apologise, as I opened door he was shouting and swearing so I immediately asked him to keep it down as DD had just gone to sleep.
DD is a TERRIBLE sleeper, takes ages to go to sleep and wakes easily so yes, we are both tired a lot of the time and prob a bit impatient and stubborn too!

[DoinItFine]

Being accidentally locked out of the house is a bit annoying.

It certainly doesn't justify th3 way he is treating you.

[JudyCoolibar]

I think you do need to apologise, and I don't understand why you go out of your way to mention him shopping: it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Once you've apologised, ask him to do the same.

[Cabrinha]

But what's the rest of the back story?

If this is totally out of the blue I would think he was out of order but I'd be worried what was going on - like, a redundancy chat in those 5 days away.

But your mention of him stopping to buy trainers which seems totally irrelevant made me think - OK, what's going on here? Why is she even mentioning that?

His behaviour is inexcusable, but I'd like to know the context.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

I don't think you need to apologise, OP. You haven't done anything wrong.

Do you think it's ok to be spoken to like that by your DH?

It absolutely is not. Does he often speak to you like that? You must be living on your nerves waiting for the next perceived wrongdoing.

[Squeegle]

Is this a one off or does he make you feel bad for doing other things? I think that's the key. As a one off, hopefully he can get over it and so can you, but does he have form? It's totally unacceptable to habitually behave like this.

[DoinItFine]

She mentioned him going shopping because it shows that

1 he was in no major rush to get home

2 it was entirely avoidable that he arrived home when she was busy putting the child to bed

And no, she should not apologise to someone who has been verbally abusing and stonewalling her over something so tiny.

A massive apology is due.

And not to him.

[hownottofuckup]

His behaviour sounds appalling, and horribly reminiscent of my ex. Made me shudder reading it.
I would be surprised if this really was an isolated incident.
How old is DC? Have things changed since you had DC?

[DoinItFine]

Him being an ass doesn't negate your need to say sorry

Um yeah, him being a nasty bastard absolutely meabs she should nit be apologising for a tiny, unintentional mistake.

When she couldn't apologuse due to his verbal abuse, he put himself 100% in the wrong.

[diddl]

Why do you leave the key in the lock?

[JudyCoolibar]

DoingItFine, what difference would it have made that buying shoes means OP was putting the DC to bed? If she hadn't locked him out he could have come in quietly and, indeed, said goodnight.

[DoinItFine]

what difference would it have made that buying shoes means OP was putting the DC to bed?

It would have meant that she was downstairs and would have realised straight away her tiny, accidental error.

Plus, 5 minutes delay and being too late to say goodnight were obviously totally fine with him.

You don't get to delay yiur return by an hiur and then soend a full day abusing your wife because yiu had to stand outside your frint door for a few minutes while she was busy.

[Lovemylittlebear]

Oops I've done that a few times by mistake it's just an accident he's being ridiculous x

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

diddl I always leave the key in the lock too. OP said the door doesn't stay shut unless it's locked so presumably when she came in she put it in the lock and turned it so it would stay shut. She just left the key there.

He's being a moron really he is. He needs to grow up. It's not like you deliberately locked him out and then stood there, aware that he was outside and laughing at him that he couldn't get in. It was a mistake and a really tiny tiny irritation. He's very lucky if his life is so seamless that he can afford to expend hours and hours brooding over a tiny unintentional inconvenience.

[Livelovebehappy]

No big issue here really. Just someone probably tired and ratty after a long day, coming home to find door locked which might have triggered his tetchy mood. Flash arguements like this can just kick off, and tbh an apology on both sides should suffice, with an agreement to not dwell on it and spend the day doing something nice together as a family to restore order. We all have arguements over silly things, and its not worth dragging it on by apportioning blame and spoiling the rest of your weekend.

[DoinItFine]

Well it wasn't a big issue until he made it one with his verbal abuse and threats.

Now it's a big deal of his creation.

I would be locking him out permanentky if he thiught it was even remotely acceptable to bully me like that.

[Branleuse]

I dont get why you didnt apologise straight away. Are you often weird about apologies??

[DoinItFine]

She didn't apologise straight away because he was shouting at her.

What a bitch.