Accidentally locked DH out last night- he is still sulking...

[SuzanneSays]

I don't know If I am in the wrong or not. Last night DH came Home from 5 nights away with work just as I was finally getting toddler to sleep (he could have got home earlier but stopped to buy trainers from shop near airport on way home as he wants to improve fitness).
I could hear him Swearing as he was coming in front door but had no idea why, and as toddler was finally sleeping but wakes easily I didn't want to rush down. Max 5 mins later when DD was def asleep I came downstairs ( at that point he was ringing my phone) and realised he was locked out. Somehow I had accidentally left the key in the door at such an angle that it had blocked him getting in-never happened before and obv an accident! I opened door and he immediately began shouting at me- asked him to keep it down as DD had just gone to sleep and he basically said he didn't give a shit and why had I locked him out. I said it was an accident, he carried on shouting so I just went back upstairs to bed.
He fell asleep on the Sofa and this morning he asked me for an apology. I am so cross, as he was so rude and I felt like he was deliberately banging about to wake up DD after I asked him to keep it down. He is angry that I won't apologise, but I feel like I would have apologised I he hadn't been so bloody nasty when I opened the front door. Also, it was a fucking mistake!!! He is now saying he will lock me out and see how I feel?

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

This has blown up into something stupid because you're both tired and stubborn.

Being locked out - especially when he'd been gone for 5 days - was likely annoying. It probably looked like you'd forgotten he was coming home.

He shouldn't have shouted at you when he came in, and he shouldn't still be sulking now...

He didn't seem to be making a lot of noise outside the door, if you couldn't hear him knocking and only heard him swearing when you were very close to the door, it sounds like he was calmer outside and making an effort not to wake your daughter. So something set him off once he got in - was that the lack of apology? Do either of you have existing issues around apologising?

Call a truce and move on? I can't see either of you letting this one go and there is fault everywhere - although if this is part of a larger pattern of bullying behaviour, it might be time to deal with that. If it's just both of you being stubborn, tired and difficult, it's not worth ruining the weekend over.

[WheelofPan]

Why didn't you apologise immediately? And dd sleep is compromised by 30 sec of you nipping downstairs? Sounds like a bit of bollocks and now you appear to be whinging to the Internet as dh remains angry at your rudeness?
Quelle surprise.

[WheelofPan]

Yes Lady. Clear evidence he is having an affair. So obv.

[LizzieMacQueen]

Haven't read the full thread but glanced at it last night.

My initial thought is that he is jealous of the time you are devoting to your DD (where previously he had your full attention?) and is punishing you. How you deal with that depends on whether he is behaving subconsciously or consciously. What is your gut feel?

[DoinItFine]

And dd sleep is compromised by 30 sec of you nipping downstairs?

Sounds pretty standard to me.

And I don't even have bad sleepers.

Normalky when I've been away from my family for days and DH is busy looking after them to facilitate that, I don't think screaming my head off at him for having the temerity to be a human being and makeca tiny mistake is the way to go.

Clearly I am being way too soft on him and will commence the campaign of shouting and ignoring until he works out who's boss.

[sooperdooper]

He sounds like an arse, I wouldn't apologise to someone who was shouting and swearing at me either

Total overreaction, it was a simple mistake that would be forgotten in minutes in our house

[Branleuse]

are you sure you didnt "accidently" leave the key in the lock and then leave him waiting at the door and then not apologise, because you were pissed off and passive aggressive that he'd been away and was late home.

[stitchglitched]

No way should you apologise. You no doubt would have done had you not immediately been subjected to a torrent of abuse and then a further 24 hours of shitty treatment which included a total lack of regard for your child's sleep. All because he had to wait outside his own front door for a whole 5 minutes? All apologising now will do is validate his treatment of you.

[HerOtherHalf]

Seems to me that the op and pretty much everyone else is fixating on a symptom and not the root cause. If this was a healthy, loving relationship he would have been so full of positivity at seeing his partner and wife after 5 days away, and you likewise at his return, thst nothing would have spoiled the reunion. Yet you both contribute to falling out over something trivial and he spends the night on the sofa. Instead of fixating over keys, apologies and who was right or wrong, I think you should ask yourself why your relationship is so broken.

[HerOtherHalf]

Meant partner and child.

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

He's being ridiculous.

DH and I always lock our front door and generally leave the keys in it if we're both in (so we know where there are should we need to open it) we are always forgetting and locking each other out! It's rarely a big deal.

I have to admit I have sworn and sulked with DH about it once, because he'd got his head phones on and didn't hear the door or answer his phone and I had 2 tired, hungry, soaking wet DC with me and lots of bags (we'd been away a week) but even then I was grouchy for less than an hour and didn't demand an apology, it was an accident, a fucking annoying one but an accident.

[WheelofPan]

good point Her - it does sound like a bad relationship, from this evidence.

Some of the falling over backwards to excuse the OPs shitty and 'entitled' behaviour is risible.

[hermione2016]

Did you talk much whilst he's was away? It feels as if there tension was already there and he was in fight mode.I think you could offer some kindness, repeat that it was an accident and let him know you understand it's upsetting to feel locked out.

How he reacts after that is his responsibility and most reasonable people would move on.

I would take this as a symptom in the marriage so hopefully you will be able to talk and get back to feeling loving and trusting to each other.

[notarehearsal]

God, so glad I'm single again

[WheelofPan]

Briefly reading back, you really don't like him OP, do you?

You really thought he was making a noise deliberately in order to wake his dd up? Which sort of lets you off the hook and gives a reason to despise him.

Why on earth mention the stopping at a shop thing? So he wishes to get fitter etc. Bastard. Esp when he obv calculated that the stop would land him home just at dd's bedtime so he could disrupt it.
As Her indicates it's way beyond keys in doors.

[HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood]

I've locked DH out before. And him me. Neither of us thought it appropriate to throw a fit (merely gentle mocking because the situation was frankly amusing once the annoyance was over).

And when I was locked out it was the middle of the night and he'd put the chain on.

Tell him he was totally out of order, and to stop sulking. It's pathetic.

[PushingThru]

A normal person would be over a little mistake like this in about five minutes & without any shouting.

[WheelofPan]

A normal person may also realise it's symptomatic of deeper issues.
"Ah, our old friend Mistrust. And yes, pull up a chair Resentment, though we are seeing a lot of you lately aren't we?"

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Sounds like he mistrusts you/thinks you did this as a measure to know when he got home so he couldn't come in without you noticing. Is there a history of mistrust or controlling behavior here?