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Original poster

Would you read your exes emails?

76 replies

DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:03

Name change. If you discovered you still had access via an old laptop - would you read your exes emails? Background is he cheated and is still with OW. For some reason they communicate by email with each other rather a lot...

I have looked. Then found out stuff that's hurt me. Stopped looking. But it calls me when I am bored and angry at night.

OP posts:
GloriaGaynor · 27/08/2016 23:05

I'd look but then I'm a terrible person.

PotatoBread · 27/08/2016 23:07

Curiosity would probably get the better of me and I'd have a nosey. Would probably lose interest pretty quickly though and just be glad that I was rid of the twat!

meran · 27/08/2016 23:07

Yes of course.

Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:07

The only thing that is stopping me is the fear I'll be found out. I suppose I also realise it's not conducive to moving on. But I bloody want to look.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/08/2016 23:07

I would if I hated them! If I dumped them, I wouldn't.

bluecashmere · 27/08/2016 23:08

Don't do it. It has hurt you in the past. There's nothing to be gained by it.

Apart from that it's really a massive invasion of privacy.

You should remove the ability to access them from the computer.

Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:09

I hate them. I plot revenge when I'm not obsessing about reading their emails.

OP posts:
talksensetome · 27/08/2016 23:09

I would. I wouldn't be able to stop myself xx

stolemyusername · 27/08/2016 23:10

No! As nicely as possible get a grip of yourself. The only person getting hurt here is you.

Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:11

That's what most of my friends say blue

The others reckon "information is power" and it keeps me ahead of the game in terms of their next shit behaviour - child access, finances etc

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 23:12

No, but it's a long time ago and we parted on (mainly) good terms.

How long ago did you split with your ex delia? It sounds like you're letting him have far too much of your energy and time. For your own sake, is it worth trying to move on?

Bastardshittits · 27/08/2016 23:13

I'm a terrible person too and I would look. I know it wouldn't do me any good but I couldn't resist.

Mummydummy · 27/08/2016 23:13

As has been said here - the only person you're hurting is yourself. And not to be cruel - they've moved on, you havent. Make your own good life now - the only person who's going to make you happy is you.

duckwalk · 27/08/2016 23:14

I found out through my ex's emails that he went abroad, with his new wife, to have a hair transplant earlier this year.
He had been pleading poverty to me as his wife is a student, so after a lot of pressure from him I agreed to him not paying any child maintenance until she graduated.
Bastard did not know what hit him!

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 27/08/2016 23:15

If it's regarding your kids then yes - I would be looking

MaudlinNamechange · 27/08/2016 23:15

No. I have exactly this right now: my dcs use a tablet that ex has left himself logged in on. I don't look.

  • being honest is good for my mental health
  • not knowing things that I won't like is good for my mental health
  • I don't care and don't have time. I could read something funny or good or otherwise healthy, I don't want to wallow in that shit.
  • he's not my business. I can see the logic in snooping if you suspect your actual partner of treachery. but he's not my partner, so what's the point?
Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:19

We split in February after 15 years together. I learnt from the emails that they plan to marry and have booked the venue for November. I also learnt that She is massively insecure and paranoid that he will come back to me (presumably that has prompted a reassuring marriage proposal)

Meanwhile He obviously doesn't know that I know about the wedding and regularly phones me in tears because he misses me and has made a huge mistake.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:20

duck I have similar. No child support due to poverty but I see their holiday bookings and wedding costs. Fucking hate him for it.

OP posts:
KateInKorea · 27/08/2016 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueLeopard · 27/08/2016 23:22

If you are still in the process of sorting out finances and access, and he is fucking you about, then I'd probably keep the access as an ace up your sleeve. But I'd be inclined to think that it would be detrimental to your own peace of mid to be privy to their every thought about you in the process.

But on balance, I'd go with information is power. For now.

KateInKorea · 27/08/2016 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 27/08/2016 23:24

Someone I know was cautioned by the police for this. I seriously wouldn't, even though I understand the temptation. It really won't help you move forwards with your life.

It's possible I might do a password reset on the email account so as to lock him out too - unless until he recovers the account. Just for amusement.

PotatoBread · 27/08/2016 23:25

Ok, I've changed my tune a bit from my first response - looking at the emails really doesn't seem to be good for your mental state and seems to be preventing you from moving on and putting the past behind you. As reading them is helping to keep all the anger and feelings burning then I don't think you should access them again.

PurpleDaisies · 27/08/2016 23:26

I would worry you'll accidentally say something to him that you could only have found out from his emails and he'll figure it out. Then everything between you will just get worse.

Original poster
DeliaClartpepperTheThird · 27/08/2016 23:28

Yes kate he's crying about how he's destroyed our family - but I think he's actually shitting himself cos he's digging a deeper and deeper hole as a result of the proposal. I'm pretty sure if I hadn't found out he was cheating and kicked him out she'd have been his bit on the side forever. He'll be shitting himself about ending up alone and homeless so has panic-proposed to her.

He regularly tries it on with me - I reckon he's hoping I'll tell her so the wedding is cancelled. I've considered it but don't think she'll believe me.

OP posts: