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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Slept with colleague

75 replies

Conundrum12345 · 24/07/2016 21:13

On Friday I was out with work. I ended up sleeping with one of the contract managers we've been flirting for the past 3 months. Client relationships are frowned upon and we work very closelyrics together

He kissed me when we were at the bar and went back to mine. We talked a lot about relationships and life and he told me some pretty deep stuff (both very drunk) including actions of his that would be sackable offenses

As he was leaving he said some pretty nasty things like was I to be under no assumptions that I'd even go on a date with him and saying oh I bet ull call me drunk now. Just being arrogant. Obviously haven't heard from him

I feel so stupid, not only is he not very good looking but it's going to be so awkward and I'm not a ons kind of person

I'm 31 and he's 33

Any advice?

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 24/07/2016 21:19

Oh dear.

He sounds like he's done this sort of thing before.

Are you married or in a relationship op?

It sounds like you might have to just make him a notch on your bedpost.

Have you liked him for long before this?

SexNamesRFab · 24/07/2016 21:20

The only thing you can do is absolutely freeze him out. You were drunk, you needed a shag, no big deal. Delete his number, pretend it never happened. But now he's shown you what he's really like, don't ever go bother to go there again. Flowers

Original poster
Conundrum12345 · 24/07/2016 21:22

Neither are married or in relationship. He told me he hasn't had a girlfriend since he was 18...

Ive liked him for a couple of months.

I feel awful about this and just worried about awkwardnes

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 24/07/2016 21:22

Advice: don't sleep with twats. Grin Sorry, not helpful.

Be frosty is my advice. By frosty I mean stay away, don't answer texts and do not let yourself be drawn in. He will hurt your feelings several times over if you let him in. Take control, avoid him and don't let anyone at work know. (Or do they know already...?)

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone · 24/07/2016 21:22

Sounds like a twat. Ignore him as much as you can at work & delete his number. We've all done it. Don't beat yourself up Flowers

Original poster
Conundrum12345 · 24/07/2016 21:24

2 people at work know one thinks it was a kiss the other is his friend who works for his consultancy company so he won't say anything (I hope)

OP posts:
AbyssinianBanana · 24/07/2016 21:26

Deny. Never happened. He's talking shit. You both fell asleep drunk, the end.

WhimsicalWinnifred · 24/07/2016 21:35

Was he a complete arse when he left or just odd comments that were twatty?

Don't feel hard on yourself either way. Sounds like you had no inclinations he would turn into an arse. People have sex and that doesn't make them bad. Chalk it up as experience and carry on head held high

AddToBasket · 24/07/2016 21:36

Yeah, deny AND END THE CONVERSATION IMMEDIATELY.

You want to talk about it but do not, not discuss it with other people from work. I know it will be tempting - they know him after all - but to make this go away quickly there can be no discussion. Discuss it here, with friends from outside work, with random strangers on the bus - but do not discuss it with even your very closest work mate.

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 24/07/2016 21:38

Act like nothing happened. You be normal with him like you was before this happened. That will knock his ego down a peg or two! Grin

motherinferior · 24/07/2016 21:38

Ignore him and carry on as normal. Don't give him the satisfaction of any attention at all oh yes we've all done it, some of us more than once.

Original poster
Conundrum12345 · 24/07/2016 21:39

It was his comments. It's like he got all panicked. He never seemed like an arsenal before but I just feel terrible. We work one on one on a lot of things and am petrified about it. Also if other people find out. He's away with work this week and I'm so worried he'll get drunk and tell people

OP posts:
MagnifiMad · 24/07/2016 21:44

I think deny deny deny is also your best strategy. We all make mistakes and live and learn.

BusyHomemaker · 24/07/2016 21:45

Agree with PP just act cool (even if you're freaking out inside) and pretend it didn't happen. If he tells people, down play it. You sound lovely and he's shown himself to be immature. Hold out for better, you deserve it.

AddToBasket · 24/07/2016 21:48

He may do, or he may not. He probably won't but that won't be a comfort.

Do you want him to like you? Maybe talk to yourself about whether you actually still like him - or whether you just want him to like you to make the shag feel less awful.

FWIW, he sounds horrible- if he starts off with this little respect you do not want him. So whether he tells other people or not, you need this to be yesterday's news as soon as possible. The best way to do that is to avoid any discussion and don't fuel any gossip.

fastdaytears · 24/07/2016 21:53

What a massive wanker. Don't let it worry you though. You wanted a shag and had one, he turned out to be an idiot. Any questions just shut them down and keep your distance from him.

The next guy will be better (I know that's not saying much...)

SandyY2K · 24/07/2016 21:56

As it was a ONS it's not a relationship. So you can truthfully say you don't have a relationship with him.

Act like it never happened and cut out the flirting.

I'd also back off going out with the work group for a while.

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/07/2016 21:57

Deny. Ignore. Laugh at the very idea.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 24/07/2016 21:58

MagnifiMad 'deny, deny, deny' was my mantra a decade ago!

apple1992 · 24/07/2016 22:00

Definitely just out it out of your mind. Ignore the thought! If it felt good at the time (until he was a cock in the morning!) then don't beat yourself up.

Cherry321 · 24/07/2016 22:05

Yup ignore, deny, head down and move swiftly on.

Dont beat yourself up about it, it happens.

It will be old news (if its even news) by Tuesday.

Good luck tmrw Brew Cake Flowers

Itsnowornever01 · 24/07/2016 22:12

Ignore Ignore

Original poster
Conundrum12345 · 24/07/2016 22:17

How do I manage all the one on one interaction we have?

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 24/07/2016 22:20

Be cool and professional

AddToBasket · 24/07/2016 22:22

You must be a bit cold. Smile but with nothing behind it. If he tries to talk about Friday just say 'Ha, well, these things happen. I'd be grateful if we could not mention it again.'

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