What one piece of advice would you give about organising a wedding?

[RestlessTraveller]

Ok so I have made it to the grand old age of 40-something without getting married. So imagine my shock when this weekend I suddenly became engaged. Now I've not been to many weddings as I was living abroad when all my friends were getting married. So what would your one piece of wedding planning advice be?

Plan it yourself, don't let family & friends take over. It's your day. Enjoy it.

do not open a Wedding Magazine.

Venue:-
Pick three things that are most important to you (and dp) and find the best arrangement for it.

For me, I wanted
*all in one venue (ceremony, meal, evening party)
*small daytime with a choice menu and larger evening gathering
*local enough that everyone could taxi home for under 15 quid

That narrowed our choices down to about three to visit.

With regards budget dh and I sat and worked out our income and expenditure, gave ourselves a monthly food and transport budget and then set aside (eg) 400 a month to save. We said we would save for 18months so booked our wedding for 18 months time, knowing we would have saved X amount by then.

Do what you want to do. Don't take money from family if you feel it may make them feel entitled to a say in what you do.
Start early! Don't leave anything too late.
See plenty of vendors. My photographer was useless. Luckily my uncle took some great snaps.

Get the Pinterest app. Loads of pictures and tips.

Pick colours.
It's tiny but you'll get decision fatigue and if you've picked a colour you then don't have to think about colour for pew ends, stationery, bridesmaids dresses, little bridesmaids sashes, cravats, accents for flowers, direction signs and balloons etc.
disclaimer: this works for a traditional church wedding 20 years ago and looks rather old fashioned written down now!

Don't consult anyone on your plans just make the decisions you want and stick to them.
You will be amazed at the usually mild mannered people that have opinions on what you have chosen. While to some degree I think weddings are an exercise in keeping other people happy because you want your guests to be comfortable people somehow think this gives them the right to an opinion on your choices. The best way to avoid this is just don't tell them.
If you are having bridesmaids and are paying for their dresses just pick them. You will never keep everyone happy and you'll end up with pointless stress you don't need when everyone starts giving their opinion on what they want to wear. Dh ended up picking ours because the bridesmaids were actually starting to do my head in.

Congratulations! If planning/organising isn't your thing and stresses you out: don't do it. Hand it over to someone else.

Also things to consider if you need to save money...
Can you or any friends get crafty and make things like your seating plan, centre pieces.
If you get married later in the day you could get away with a big meal and then just bacon butties late evening as the guests will still be full.

And have photos done at the reception not church, reportage style not formal and feed and water your guests while you're doing it. Making the B listers wait thirstily while a prat on a box barks at elderly relatives is rude!

Ooh yes- later in the day so people can arrive relaxed after lunch, no day list/ evening divide.

You need a bride and groom who like each other, someone who is official to do the marrying bit and a couple of reliable witnesses. All the rest is optional.
Congratulations.

Don't waste your money a huge wedding with loads of faff. Have a small intimate wedding and use the extra for a once in a lifetime honeymoon.

Agree with your partner a few key things that are simply immovable decisions. The things/ people / objects that must be involved for the day to be what you want it to be. If relatives / friends are going to have meltdowns over things that aren't on your must have list then let them have their way. Makes it easy to pick your battles

Have whatever you, & your partner, want but if it means that your guests have to spend £££ on travel, accommodation, or using their annual leave then accept that not everyone will can/will want to attend. Ditto insisting on a child-free wedding especially gor family members who may not have any childcare options if their usual babysitters are also attending your wedding

Read this book: www.amazon.co.uk/Practical-Wedding-Affordable-Meaningful-Celebration/dp/0738215155

Don't get sucked in.

When I was planning my wedding I was waiting in the hairdressers and looking at a wedding magazine. They had a plastic hair comb with beads on the top advertised as 'outstanding value for those on a budget' at £75. £75! That was my wake up call where I realised that people will try to cash in on your excitement any way they can. Don't get sucked in. And enjoy it

I second getting married later in the day. If gives you plenty of time to get ready, guests traveling to you have more time to get there. It fits in with meal times more easily, example, 4pm wedding, done by 5pm, drinks, photos and socialising for a bit, sit down meal 6.30ish, party afterwards. Also, it's cheaper!

Don't sweat the small stuff. Prioritise the things that are important for you. For me that was the things we would keep forever (rings, photographer) and the venue. The rest is window dressing. Also remember only you know how you intended things to look/be so if anything isn't quite right, none of your guests will know or care ... Mostly enjoy it! Planning a wedding should be fun!

Dint go overboard with time or money. It's just one day. We had a pretty laid back wedding and I loved the whim party element and having all my loved ones in one place. Looking back I'd put even less effort into things like flowers and dress. They had the least impact in my day.

Just think what type of activities and dress and days make you happy and then try to do those things- so for me, I love a glamorous evening meal, so I had that, I don't like frills or big dresses, so I had an evening dress, I find long speeches boring/don't like fancies/fuss/flowers any of that stuff, so I didn't do it.

Make the wedding fit your personality. If that's a quick registry office and a nice meal with a few family/friends, that's as lovely a wedding as a whole huge one with 100 people if that suits you.

I look back on my wedding day as really one of the best, if not the best day of my life, it felt magical.

That its just about you and your DP promising in front of God (or not if you don't believe) to behave in a certain manner going forward.

The rest is just window dressing and means shit all.

Make the tone of the day reflective of you and your guests. If you and your guests enjoy informal things, make it informal. if you enjoy dressing up in finery and having formal dinners, then do that. Don't feel obliged to do anything or have anything outside what is necessary for comfort, good hosting and legality just because it seems 'weddingy'.

Elope!