What one piece of advice would you give about organising a wedding?

[RestlessTraveller]

Ok so I have made it to the grand old age of 40-something without getting married. So imagine my shock when this weekend I suddenly became engaged. Now I've not been to many weddings as I was living abroad when all my friends were getting married. So what would your one piece of wedding planning advice be?

Think about your guests! We did canapes in the church straight after the service so that people weren't starving until the meal - that went really well. Use the net and work with small scale suppliers - they really care about doing a good job for you. Cut out faff like favours - really, no one cares. Also, we did a banquet style arrangement. Had a top table and let everyone sit wherever they like. That cut out so much grief from our point of view and the atmosphere seemed really lively. Don't have an entire army of bridesmaids - it's really expensive and unless you're a member of the royal family, it could look a bit naff.
Other than that - do what you want - it's your day!

I was 46 when I married and to be honest, I enjoyed being a more mature bride - I felt greater freedom to do it my way!

Decide between the two of you what you want to do, and then tell everyone once its a done deal.
If you wouldn't spend money on it for a nice party, don't spend it on a wedding - things like chair covers, table decorations, favours, cars can suck up a lot of money that no one will care about, when you could spend it on food or drink that they will care about.
If you wouldn't invite people to a party at your house, don't feel like you have to invite them to your wedding

Pick one "thing" each that's a priority. For me it was good food at regular intervals, husband chose a band and dj for the evening. Otherwise ignore all advice and do it your way - you'll hopefully only do it once!

Don't get stressed over colours matching or chair covers or any of that.

People will say "that was a lovely wedding, the bride was gorgeous, the food was nice and there was enough booze"

No one has EVER said "that was a nice wedding, the chair covers matched and everything coordinated nicely".

Marrying later in the day means only having to feed people once. Have canapés and drinks during your photographs, that can fill the gap of starters too.

If you can provide your own wine it can be cheaper, even with the venue's corkage, to do that.

Most of all, make sure you get to eat, have a drink and enjoy your day.

Elope

When you see something you like that is the right budget get it and stop looking and move on to the next thing, no messing about! Book somewhere nice to stay the night after because you will be more tires than you have ever known it was possible to be!

Don't make your own wedding cake!

Do make your own decisions, have what you want to, whether that be cheese sandwiches for the meal or a fire breather as entertainment.

But, also take who your guests are into account. For example, a lot of my guests had to travel and stay overnight. So we chose a venue that had a reasonably cheap (but decent) hotel nearby. We knew that some people would travel up the day of the wedding, so we didn't start it too early.

Three tips from me:

1. Remember that it's the marriage that's the most important thing, not the wedding day- so don't sucked in to getting stressed out (and bankrupt) trying to make every detail of the day and the decor 'perfect'.
2. Decide on your budget and top priority then plan everything else around it.
3. You'll never please everyone (and you only have to read some of the wedding posts here to see that you could go mad trying to) so plan what you and DP want- it's nice to consider the needs of your guests but ultimately if they don't like what you've chosen they can either put up with it for you or not attend. But if you choose something that makes it difficult for guests don't be upset if they choose not to come.

Feed everyone a boat load of food. People remember being hungry.

Do what YOU want, remember who is actually getting married.
Don't ask people's opinions, tell them what's going on.
If people don't like your venue/date/seating plan/child policy they can choose not to come, this will be their fault and not yours.

Don't give people a menu choice on the RSVP,

Hire a wedding planner. Yes thee is a fee but thy can often save you money as they have great contacts, can negotiate discounts and know lots of ways to reduce costs.

This is one of the best tips we got that I never see anyone give:

Slip away during the reception and go up to the room/somewhere quiet and take 20 mins to have a glass of champagne and a catch up and a laugh.

"So....how's your day going? Were you talking to Aunty May?? OMG she's pissed! Did you see Uncle John with that waitress?? How are you feeling? Yeah I'm knackered too! What song will we request when we go back down?"

And you have a massive hug and a bit of a snog.

And you go back into the breach all caught up with each other and it's LOVELY.

Otherwise you don't see each other all evening after the first dance!

When choosing a venue ask about prices at the cash bar.
I've just been to a wedding where it was £15 for two single measures of spirit with coke and £4.50 for a dram of Famous Grouse. It was out in the country so you were held hostage to paying single malt prices for crappy blends (just as an idea, you can get an 18-year-old Highland Park in the nearest city centre for £4.60)

I know alcohol is not the sole point of a wedding but it meant the guest choices were between sober and skint.

Thank you all so much! This is great!

Try on as many differing styles of wedding gowns (budget/expensive, big/fitted, beaded/lace, plain/elaborate)

When asked for details, give few a way, as some will feel the need give their opinion about your day.

Ask the venue if you can provide your own wine etc for the meal. You will have to pay a corkage fee, but you may well find it more cost effective to buy your own (even if it is just the champagne for the toasts)

If you will be inviting children, consider providing some activities/entertainment to keep them occupied especially during the speeches.

If you are intending to have a themed wedding, consider giving your guests ample time to find/buy costumes/clothing etc.

Don't consider having a themed wedding!

Take a look at the list outlined in this . You can also download it. It is really helpful if you are not use to organising events.

I'm in the 'industry' and go to about 80 weddings a year.

Choose a venue that is easy to get to - not somewhere that's a £40 taxi journey from the nearest station. Unless you (and your friends and family) are get away from in in a field types. Choose somewhere close to cheap accommodation if guests want to stay over.

A late afternoon / early evening wedding followed by a fabulous, high quality buffet is great. It avoids all the hanging around for guests (which they seem to hate) and it avoids you paying massively over the odds for a poor quality cooked, sit-down dinner. It avoids the decision about day and evening guests and it minimises difficult issues about children at weddings (people seem to find it easier to get babysitters for evening weddings, and in general only tiny babies are there).

Canapes are a massive waste of money. It costs a fortune to budget for 3 little bites per head, and it's actually quite random whether everyone gets 3 - the wedding where the groom's big hungry rugby-playing mates ate about 8 each didn't leave many to go around the rest of the guests. Ditto the cheap glass of fizz to go with the canapes. If there is so much 'hanging around' time required for photos between the service and the meal then you're planning your day wrong. Better to have a pay bar and an ice-cream cart, or a popcorn cart.

Don't let your venue or your photographer dictate the timings of the day. Photographers sometimes want hours for the photos (hence the need to feed, water and entertain your bored guests) - find someone who is a great photographer and can work quickly.

Don't stress about chair covers, matching tie backs, favours etc - no-one will particularly notice, and often favours get left behind.

Be on time! Hair and make up people often underestimate how long it will take to get everyone ready, so try to minimise how many people they are 'doing' and however late you are the photographer will still want photos of the bride emerging from the car etc. Leave loads of time for the pre-wedding photos (if you want them)

If the ceremony is important to you spend time - with your partner - thinking about what you want and how to make it personal.

Be in charge. Don't let anyone persuade you to have another layer on your cake, an expensive pre-wedding engagement photo shoot, a balloon arch, a photo-booth, beads and glass and sparkly things on the table, a sparkly dance floor, light up signs with your names. etc, etc, etc. UNLESS you really want them.

A personal ceremony, some great food, and a brilliant dance are the key elements.

Another thing that I would suggest with contradicts what someone said upthread. Always have a table plan - I recently went to a wedding and there wasn't one and it all ended up being really awkward and groups of friends were split up and some really random tables created when it would have been way more comfortable for everyone to have sat with friends.

Congratulations on getting engaged!!

Just stick to your guns, don't let anybody else sway the decisions you have already made.
We are having a laid back wedding but already family and friends are trying to 'big it up'.

Please all yourselves plenty of time to give your notice of marriage.
The number of people who leave it late, struggle to get a convenient appointment, can't find the necessary documentation, find their passport has expired and then end up have a massive panic a month before their wedding (or in the worst case scenario not actually being able to get married) is unbelievable.
I know it is boring compared to the rest of the celebrations - but, legally, it is the only bit that matters.

Congratulations :o
Keep it simple and do what YOU want. Don't be bamboozled by anyone else's idea/opinions/etc