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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp wont't get it into his thick head........

56 replies

midlifehope · 10/07/2016 06:21

....that leaving the back door unlocked and open throughout the night is a security risk.

We have 2 small dcs and I am often knackered so go to bed before dp at about 11pm (he goes at about 1am). When I wake up I find that he has left the back door open all night. Whilst we live in a 'safe' area, I think this is an idiotic thing to do. It makes me really angry. I have told him over and over to lock and shut doors before bed, but he doesn't listen. WTF can I do?

We have an elderly dog in the back room, who is incontinent. He thinks this will encourage her to toilet outside (it doesn't always).

I'm at the end of my tether with this.

OP posts:
isthistoonosy · 10/07/2016 06:26

Fit a padlock lock the door when you go.to bed and take the key to bed with you.

He sounds very annoying thought

Isetan · 10/07/2016 06:30

Take the key away from him, the safety of your children is far more important. Stop waste time trying to get through to someone who doesn't care to listen.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 10/07/2016 06:31

I'd not be happy with a padlock in case of fire.

He knows, BTW. He just doesn't care, for some reason, so doesn't bother.

DontDeadOpenInside · 10/07/2016 06:31

Is he for real? Shock

VioletBam · 10/07/2016 06:32

Lock it yourself. My DH goes to bed after me often and he always leaves the front door unlocked. It's shit but I have my own failings so I just take control of that one myself.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 06:32

I would essentially be locking him in then though, and he has a fear of that. Also he has a bedtime cigarette outside, so when I lock the door, he unlocks it again.

OP posts:
NinjaNora · 10/07/2016 06:34

The dog being old and incontinent is an active issue he's trying to address, potential nasty people entering your house doesn't seem as likely to him than the dog seeing everywhere.

Why not help find a solution to weeing dog that doesn't involve leaving the door open? Puppy pads are just one suggestion, I'm sure the helpful people in the dog kennel section can help.

Calling him thick isn't going to help, he probably thinks you are a selfish cow for not wanting to help the dog. Try talking to each other about your concerns for the dogs well being and the kids safety and find a solution.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 06:38

he has said he will put his dog out in a suitable area. like the garage. with warm bedding. But it doesn't happen

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 10/07/2016 06:40

His dog? Is it not a family pet?
Yes it is a security risk but calling him thick won't help.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 06:41

No it's 'his' dog, I have 2 dogs too.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 06:43

But I do most of the dog feeding, cleaning up, walking etc.

I'm just livid when I wake up and see the back door open again, putting my dcs at risk and invalidating any house insurance. Last night I didn't feel safe, so I ended up locking my bedroom door (with the 2 dcs in my bed) and he slept in the spare room.

OP posts:
NinjaNora · 10/07/2016 06:57

Your language is very telling, my not our dog, children, insurance...

Sounds like you see bigger relationship issues than a dog or an unlocked door.

NinjaNora · 10/07/2016 06:58

I meant 'my bedroom' not 'my insurance'

Theearthmoved · 10/07/2016 06:58

If he leaves the door open for the dog, you mean he leaves it wide open so the dog can go in and out? No I wouldn't be happy if that was the case although I am a bit casual about locked doors myself.

Theearthmoved · 10/07/2016 07:00

Have you been living together long? It sounds like you are unhappy with him being there.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/07/2016 07:00

It's not really much of a security risk for your DC. For your property, yes. But criminals don't go around trying door handles I the hope they'll find a couple of kids in bed. You are putting your kids at greater risk of harm every time you put them in a car. So maybe it's the hyperbole of talking about risk to your DCs that has him nodding and smiling and then ignoring you?

But it sucks to be burgled, maybe a calm discussion about how to help the dog without making that more likely would be more effective?

DoubleCarrick · 10/07/2016 07:05

I think getting this worked up about an open door might not be helping the situation. Are you able to sit down and have a calm conversation with him about it?

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 07:06

Yes theearthmooved completely open! Not even just agar.

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 10/07/2016 07:10

Can't you put the dog in the garage before you go to bed? Or can you put a lock on the back room door, so that if anyone got in they couldn't get any further than the back room?

So far as your DH's evening smoke is concerned, surely the answer is for him to go out of the front door?

KERALA1 · 10/07/2016 07:11

Explain it would invalidate your insurance ?

VioletBam · 10/07/2016 07:12

What about a dog flap?

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 07:13

kerala1 if you got burgled and there was no forced entry because the back door was open, that would invalidate a claim.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 10/07/2016 07:14

Violet, good idea, but to be honest, she would lack the agility to get through a dog flap. She's really on her last legs!

OP posts:
ScarletForYa · 10/07/2016 07:15

Lock the door yourself, take the key to bed. He can have his cigarette out the front and the dog is his problem.

bakeoffcake · 10/07/2016 07:19

So he leaves the door wide open all night?Shock. When I read the op I thought you meant the door was shut but unlocked!

What a ridiculous stupid thing to do! has he got form for being a twat?