dp wont't get it into his thick head........

[midlifehope]

....that leaving the back door unlocked and open throughout the night is a security risk.

We have 2 small dcs and I am often knackered so go to bed before dp at about 11pm (he goes at about 1am). When I wake up I find that he has left the back door open all night. Whilst we live in a 'safe' area, I think this is an idiotic thing to do. It makes me really angry. I have told him over and over to lock and shut doors before bed, but he doesn't listen. WTF can I do?

We have an elderly dog in the back room, who is incontinent. He thinks this will encourage her to toilet outside (it doesn't always).

I'm at the end of my tether with this.

[Oldraver]

Seriously woman.....lock the door yourself before going to bed...while DP is out having a fag

[Dozer]

Read the thread about "inept" men!

[mummyto2monkeys]

Having been in the house twice, (in an area that I grew up in where burglars would deliberately target for more expensive items)as burglars broke in and trashed and robbed us, I can honestly not believe your partners attitude.
Does he honestly think that your home is impervious to burglars, rats and other vermin (including burglars)?

I think puppy pads is the way forward, although if it is for longer term I would look at washable puppy pads

www.amazon.co.uk/INCONTI-PET-Washable-Reusable-Absorbent-Incontinence/dp/B019E53PAI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1468252110&sr=8-2&keywords=washable%20puppy%20pad&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Recyclable-Washable-Physiological-Diapers-Nursing/dp/B01GCPBAQ4/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1468252221&sr=8-7&keywords=incontinence%20pets&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00UPEW4AA?psc=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21


I think it would be cruel to put her in the garage after 8 years of being a loving, indoor pet. There are products marketed for incontinent dogs, this has got to be less expensive than a house break in or a rat infestation needing treated.

[HuskyLover1]

without outing us, we live somewhere there is a (largely decent, middle class, middle aged transient population immediately by us) but that is an issue too.

People who want to burgle houses, will travel to areas just like this ^^ to do so, because you will have more valuable items to steal. Being in a nice area, in no way shields you from robbers, in fact the opposite.

Also, should your kids wander out of the house at night (unlikely), then they could get run over by a BMW, just as easily as a cheap car.

He must know how upset you are over this, and yet he won't change. That's a big worry to me.

[springydaffs]

You have fog in your house?? Do you live on a mountain?

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Hmm, my ExH did this and the very bad thing happen an intruder in the house. The only good thing is within moments of calling my house was swarming with 7 police officers and a police dog.
The toe rag returned 6 months later in the daytime broke in and stolen 25K worth of stuff.
I would never ever leave a door open or unlocked at night now.

[LesisMiserable]

I used to get up in the night to let our fog out and leave the back door open for her to come back in when she was ready - the perimeter of the house was gated and locked though. I would also go with locking an internal door if possible. Also. I don't think he's being thick I think he's being benevolent to a loved animal on its last legs.

[midlifehope]

TBH, the fact it bothers you and he's not bothered is the biggest issue here. That is the heart of the matter. He's impervious to my constant demands, pleas etc. He's on another planet.

[SandyY2K]

he leaves the door wide open all night?. When I read the op I thought you meant the door was shut but unlocked!

That's what I thought too.

Essentially he's more or less saying the dog is more important than yours and the children's safety.

I'm so security concious and whilst this may seem overkill, it would be enough for me to end the marriage.

I'd constantly be on edge through the night and sleep deprived anyway, knowing he leaves the door open.

Unless you have armed guards outside and/or you live in Buckingham Palace he has no business leaving the door open at night. It's madness!

[MauriceMoss]

That would be unacceptable for me.

I'd be so worried that the children would get out and harm themselves. One of the pupils I teach managed to get out one night and his mum didn't know until she woke to a policeman looking over her who had brought her DS back! The boy (aged 4) had got a mile down the road .

Also, it's not impossible that someone could enter your property while you are all sleeping. Why risk it?

TBH, the fact it bothers you and he's not bothered is the biggest issue here.

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

I also live in a very "naice" middle class supposedly very "safe" area, semi-rural village. We are frequently targeted by thieves due to the nice cars on the drives around the estate. They try doors, patio doors etc to see if they can get keys and take the cars for a joyride then dump them. (Luckily they've shown no interest in getting access to my ancient Honda so far ) They will also grab any easy items left downstairs (phones especially).
DH thought I was exaggerating the risk and could occasionally be a bit casual about late night locking up, but after neighbours both had cars taken and written off in the same night, we are both a lot more careful now.
With young DC, this is just not acceptable OP. I'm not sure of the best solution as I don't like the idea of an old dog being put into a garage when they are family animals but you need to find a way to get him to appreciate your view on this.

[GooodMythicalMorning]

Id remove some of your most precious stuff secretly before he wakes then see what happens...

[springydaffs]

I live in an area like that. We're targeted by chancers who make a beeline to our area.

Honestly, I just couldn't stand having someone put us all at risk like that. He doesn't like being locked in? Then let him get his own place and he can leave the back door open there.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Could ye compromise by locking the next door as someone suggested. That way dog can get in and out but nobody can get further than the locked door and the dc can't escape. I'm presuming this is a little utility room so lock door into kitchen. Maybe get a stronger lock on that door.
My dh never locks doors going to bed after me and neither do my ds coming in late at night. Its an ongoing issue. But that's just forgetfulness and laid back attitudes. They are not insisting on it being left wide open. I would be scared of mice especially in the winter.

[midlifehope]

Category12, clearly not. I found a giant toad in our kitchen the other day!!

[midlifehope]

without outing us, we live somewhere there is a (largely decent, middle class, middle aged transient population immediately by us) but that is an issue too.

[category12]

What about loss of heat/energy through open door, bugs getting in, any of those bother him any?

[midlifehope]

Hassled he is one of these silly fearless men, and thinks I'm being 'paranoid'

[midlifehope]

we've been together a decade. They are our children and we jointly own the house. Redglitter, that is another issue I hadn't even thought of. I can see I'm going to have to be proactive and stick dog in garage before I go to bed and lock the back door, and hope he uses the front door (which he will also probably leave on the latch and forget to latch). He's really hard to live with sometimes :(

[TendonQueen]

I also thought you must mean leaving the door unlocked rather than actually open! I couldn't live with that. The dog's needs and his anxieties don't trump the safety of the kids and you.

[Hassled]

I think you need to put the Fear of God into him - I think it might well be regarded as a safeguarding concern if your kids were found wandering the streets at night because leaving the door open would imply a level of neglect.

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

Does he really think people don't look over garden fences to see what's worth nicking

I'm sure people do look over fences, but depending on where a house is, the back door may not be visible from the road.

[ipswichwitch]

I was just about to post the same as Redglitter. He might not think there's a big risk of being burgled with leaving the door open (there is), but what about kids wandering off in the night? DS2 would be out that door like a shot and Christ knows where by the time we woke up.

Does he really think people don't look over garden fences to see what's worth nicking, and that they would absolutely take the opportunity to have a look in the house if the door was left wide open at night? Has happened here and I live in a "naice" area.