dp wont't get it into his thick head........

[midlifehope]

....that leaving the back door unlocked and open throughout the night is a security risk.

We have 2 small dcs and I am often knackered so go to bed before dp at about 11pm (he goes at about 1am). When I wake up I find that he has left the back door open all night. Whilst we live in a 'safe' area, I think this is an idiotic thing to do. It makes me really angry. I have told him over and over to lock and shut doors before bed, but he doesn't listen. WTF can I do?

We have an elderly dog in the back room, who is incontinent. He thinks this will encourage her to toilet outside (it doesn't always).

I'm at the end of my tether with this.

[bakeoffcake]

I wouldn't be removing the keys to the bedroom, in case there was a fire.

He just needs to stop being a twat and locking the door himself.

[PastoralCare]

The problem:

statistically speaking there is very very little chance of anything bad happening. And if it did, it would be for property not for your personal safety.

He probably sees that part of things.

You see the part where it would be crazy to even allow a 1/100000 chance happening. Furthermore, you told him about it and he doesn't comply.

The way you describe it make sound as though there are other issues at play. Maybe you are "nagging" about other things too and for him this is just an extra demand among many.

You have two small children, and it may be that the stress and change in lifestyle they have imposed on your relationship is too much to handle for him.

So I don't think it's just about the door. The door is but a symptom. If you really are uncomfortable, you'd have to do lock it yourself. It's not worth trying to make a point (and score points) at the expense of your sanity at night.

Do that and then have a comprehensive discussion.

[ClaireVoyante]

He sounds like an idiot. He is being disrespectful. Turf him out. Surely your peace of mind is worth more than having him around?

[Redglitter]

I work in a police control room and I can't tell you how many times over the years we've had calls from.people whow have 'found' children in sleepsuits and pj's wandering down the street. There's been several occasions the first the parents have known about it was when the police turned up.with their child in tow. More commonly we've had to wait for a report from a hysterical parent who's woken up to an empty house. Thankfully all children have been reunited safely with their parents butility some day someone isn't going to be so lucky

[bakeoffcake]

midlifehope show your prat of a husband RedGlitters post.

Hopefully that will knock some sense into him.

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Not just from a theft point of view.

How old are your DC? Are they old enough to get downstairs by themselves and out the open door while you / DP are asleep? How secure is the back garden if they were to get out?

Plus other animals - e.g. if cats / rats / foxes etc are around, would they come in despite the dogs?

I wouldn't fit a padlock though, that would be a risk to your safety in the event of a fire.

[ipswichwitch]

I was just about to post the same as Redglitter. He might not think there's a big risk of being burgled with leaving the door open (there is), but what about kids wandering off in the night? DS2 would be out that door like a shot and Christ knows where by the time we woke up.

Does he really think people don't look over garden fences to see what's worth nicking, and that they would absolutely take the opportunity to have a look in the house if the door was left wide open at night? Has happened here and I live in a "naice" area.

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

Does he really think people don't look over garden fences to see what's worth nicking

I'm sure people do look over fences, but depending on where a house is, the back door may not be visible from the road.

[Hassled]

I think you need to put the Fear of God into him - I think it might well be regarded as a safeguarding concern if your kids were found wandering the streets at night because leaving the door open would imply a level of neglect.

[TendonQueen]

I also thought you must mean leaving the door unlocked rather than actually open! I couldn't live with that. The dog's needs and his anxieties don't trump the safety of the kids and you.

[midlifehope]

we've been together a decade. They are our children and we jointly own the house. Redglitter, that is another issue I hadn't even thought of. I can see I'm going to have to be proactive and stick dog in garage before I go to bed and lock the back door, and hope he uses the front door (which he will also probably leave on the latch and forget to latch). He's really hard to live with sometimes :(

[midlifehope]

Hassled he is one of these silly fearless men, and thinks I'm being 'paranoid'

[category12]

What about loss of heat/energy through open door, bugs getting in, any of those bother him any?

[midlifehope]

without outing us, we live somewhere there is a (largely decent, middle class, middle aged transient population immediately by us) but that is an issue too.

[midlifehope]

Category12, clearly not. I found a giant toad in our kitchen the other day!!

[junebirthdaygirl]

Could ye compromise by locking the next door as someone suggested. That way dog can get in and out but nobody can get further than the locked door and the dc can't escape. I'm presuming this is a little utility room so lock door into kitchen. Maybe get a stronger lock on that door.
My dh never locks doors going to bed after me and neither do my ds coming in late at night. Its an ongoing issue. But that's just forgetfulness and laid back attitudes. They are not insisting on it being left wide open. I would be scared of mice especially in the winter.

[springydaffs]

I live in an area like that. We're targeted by chancers who make a beeline to our area.

Honestly, I just couldn't stand having someone put us all at risk like that. He doesn't like being locked in? Then let him get his own place and he can leave the back door open there.

[GooodMythicalMorning]

Id remove some of your most precious stuff secretly before he wakes then see what happens...

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

I also live in a very "naice" middle class supposedly very "safe" area, semi-rural village. We are frequently targeted by thieves due to the nice cars on the drives around the estate. They try doors, patio doors etc to see if they can get keys and take the cars for a joyride then dump them. (Luckily they've shown no interest in getting access to my ancient Honda so far ) They will also grab any easy items left downstairs (phones especially).
DH thought I was exaggerating the risk and could occasionally be a bit casual about late night locking up, but after neighbours both had cars taken and written off in the same night, we are both a lot more careful now.
With young DC, this is just not acceptable OP. I'm not sure of the best solution as I don't like the idea of an old dog being put into a garage when they are family animals but you need to find a way to get him to appreciate your view on this.

[MauriceMoss]

That would be unacceptable for me.

I'd be so worried that the children would get out and harm themselves. One of the pupils I teach managed to get out one night and his mum didn't know until she woke to a policeman looking over her who had brought her DS back! The boy (aged 4) had got a mile down the road .

Also, it's not impossible that someone could enter your property while you are all sleeping. Why risk it?

TBH, the fact it bothers you and he's not bothered is the biggest issue here.

[SandyY2K]

he leaves the door wide open all night?. When I read the op I thought you meant the door was shut but unlocked!

That's what I thought too.

Essentially he's more or less saying the dog is more important than yours and the children's safety.

I'm so security concious and whilst this may seem overkill, it would be enough for me to end the marriage.

I'd constantly be on edge through the night and sleep deprived anyway, knowing he leaves the door open.

Unless you have armed guards outside and/or you live in Buckingham Palace he has no business leaving the door open at night. It's madness!

[midlifehope]

TBH, the fact it bothers you and he's not bothered is the biggest issue here. That is the heart of the matter. He's impervious to my constant demands, pleas etc. He's on another planet.

[LesisMiserable]

I used to get up in the night to let our fog out and leave the back door open for her to come back in when she was ready - the perimeter of the house was gated and locked though. I would also go with locking an internal door if possible. Also. I don't think he's being thick I think he's being benevolent to a loved animal on its last legs.