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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

manipulative sister In law

30 replies

BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 20:58

Does anyone have a manipulative sister in law who they live with? She makes everything I do look bad, and always making snide comments about me. She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this? Sometimes it just gets too much.
My husband refuses to move out of the family home so that's not the answer :(

OP posts:
BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 21/06/2016 21:01

Move out?

PhoenixReisling · 21/06/2016 21:03

Why do you have to live there? Is it a cultural thing?

DailyMailResearcher · 21/06/2016 21:03

Find her a partner so she will love out!

DailyMailResearcher · 21/06/2016 21:03

Move not love

Original poster
BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 21:04

We live in a large family in a large family home. I've tried reasoning with him but he can't see her for what she's really like. Moving out is not an option :(

OP posts:
AlanPacino · 21/06/2016 21:05

When she makes snide comments tell her it hurts your feelings. Every time.

AyeAmarok · 21/06/2016 21:05

Your husband neevr wants to move out of his (parents'?) family home?

Does that not strike you as odd?

Dairybanrion · 21/06/2016 21:06

She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this?

Are you serious there?! You sound like hard work to be honest.

AyeAmarok · 21/06/2016 21:06

Never* Woops.

It is an option, at least for you. You just move out into your own place. He can follow if he wants to.

Original poster
BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 21:08

Yes it's a cultural thing. She is married to his older brother, so he doesn't like to say anything to him either (again cultural/respect thing)
Yes very odd he doesn't want to move out but it's never going to happen.
I don't think she would even take it on board if I said she hurt my feelings.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 21/06/2016 21:11

Have you wondered what she'd post if she were on MN?
"my SIL makes it obvious she believes herself better than me at most things. How can I cope with this?"

Original poster
BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 21:15

She always makes it clear what I am doing is wrong and goes out of her way to be better. She's not intimidated by me in the least

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 21/06/2016 21:22

If you think she's obviously jealous because you're so much better than her, she probably thinks you're a stuck up so and so who has too high an opinion of herself...

cheesecadet · 21/06/2016 21:22

"Much better at most things than her" Well that's not cocky at all is it?!

loveyoutothemoon · 21/06/2016 21:24

In competition with each other! People like this do my head in.

rollonthesummer · 21/06/2016 21:26

Will you always live with her? I don't think that's a way of life I could sustain.

Original poster
BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 21:35

Yes I guess it is a competition thing. I've not explained myself very clearly. I'm not cocky, I just haven't given enough explanation of her character. Never mind

OP posts:
MarcelineTheVampire · 21/06/2016 21:38

I think the problem is OP that you haven't really endeared yourself to anyone by saying that you are better than her at most things. Perhaps she knows this is how you feel and this makes her react badly?

Have you tried talking to her?

Original poster
BrownSmilingEyes · 21/06/2016 21:44

Yes you are right. The original post was not clear and certainly not clear of the situation.
No I have not tried talking to her.

OP posts:
CantAffordtoLive · 21/06/2016 21:56

You need to stop caring. It's easy to say, but as you get older, it's something you tend to learn.

Just try to ignore. Go out, build a life outside of the one your are experiencing, make other friends. It's easier said than done I know.

MarcelineTheVampire · 21/06/2016 22:08

Perhaps start trying to build a relationship with her? Even if it doesn't lead you to be best friends it may help make your life easier if you can be civil. You may be getting each other completely wrong and it is leading to misunderstandings?

DailyMailResearcher · 21/06/2016 22:11

Have been there OP, I was the youngest of three daughter inlaws, DH said would never move out, til he saw what it was doing to me. We moved out and never looked back. Relationships much better now, not perfect but tolerable. SILs probably resent the fact I got away. Lots of back story though in my case and generally an awful family, took them years to accept me. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

SandyY2K · 21/06/2016 22:19

My guess is this is the Asian culture. If so you kind of know your signing up to live with the inlaws and have to put up with everything that comes with it.

I've had a few Asian friends with similar issues, but it's usually the mother in law that's the issue.

One friend moved back to her parents with her son until her DH found them a place to rent. She just couldn't cope with her MIL anymore.

I suggest you ignore her and stay away from her as much as you can.

cozietoesie · 21/06/2016 22:29

Do you have PILs living there as well? How do they react if so?

HeddaGarbled · 21/06/2016 22:53

There is nothing you can do about a person that you live with that you don't get on with except stop living with them.

How about you say to your husband every day, "I'm unhappy, I want a home of our own".