manipulative sister In law

[BrownSmilingEyes]

Does anyone have a manipulative sister in law who they live with? She makes everything I do look bad, and always making snide comments about me. She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this? Sometimes it just gets too much.
My husband refuses to move out of the family home so that's not the answer :(

[RiceCrispieTreats]

This problem isn't going to go away. You can't change her. All you can do is choose whether you keep on living together under the same roof.

Tell your husband that you want a home of your own. Maybe you and he can work out a plan and a timeline together. If he won't hear of it, then pack your own bags and go.

Don't threaten him with leaving: tell him what you need. If he refuses to take that on board, that is when you take your responsibilities into your own hands and go, in order to seek your own home with or without him.

[PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace]

I'm guessing you are living in an Asian family. If I am right then I suggest you do what my friend did (very similar issues, years of being ground down) - she eventually snapped, calmly told her husband that she was going back to her parents, packed a bag and left.

Within a week it was sorted out and she is a million times happier now.

[NerrSnerr]

I agree with runrabbit tell your husband that you're moving out, he can choose to move out with you or stay with his parents and siblings.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You are a separate human being to your husband. You can move out. If he wants to live with you he can move to your place.

[wizzywig]

We dont live with the inlaws but have gone nc with them. We have never been happier in our marriage but it has been hard for my husband

[HeddaGarbled]

There is nothing you can do about a person that you live with that you don't get on with except stop living with them.

How about you say to your husband every day, "I'm unhappy, I want a home of our own".

[cozietoesie]

Do you have PILs living there as well? How do they react if so?

[SandyY2K]

My guess is this is the Asian culture. If so you kind of know your signing up to live with the inlaws and have to put up with everything that comes with it.

I've had a few Asian friends with similar issues, but it's usually the mother in law that's the issue.

One friend moved back to her parents with her son until her DH found them a place to rent. She just couldn't cope with her MIL anymore.

I suggest you ignore her and stay away from her as much as you can.

[DailyMailResearcher]

Have been there OP, I was the youngest of three daughter inlaws, DH said would never move out, til he saw what it was doing to me. We moved out and never looked back. Relationships much better now, not perfect but tolerable. SILs probably resent the fact I got away. Lots of back story though in my case and generally an awful family, took them years to accept me. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Perhaps start trying to build a relationship with her? Even if it doesn't lead you to be best friends it may help make your life easier if you can be civil. You may be getting each other completely wrong and it is leading to misunderstandings?

[CantAffordtoLive]

You need to stop caring. It's easy to say, but as you get older, it's something you tend to learn.

Just try to ignore. Go out, build a life outside of the one your are experiencing, make other friends. It's easier said than done I know.

[BrownSmilingEyes]

Yes you are right. The original post was not clear and certainly not clear of the situation.
No I have not tried talking to her.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I think the problem is OP that you haven't really endeared yourself to anyone by saying that you are better than her at most things. Perhaps she knows this is how you feel and this makes her react badly?

Have you tried talking to her?

[BrownSmilingEyes]

Yes I guess it is a competition thing. I've not explained myself very clearly. I'm not cocky, I just haven't given enough explanation of her character. Never mind

[rollonthesummer]

Will you always live with her? I don't think that's a way of life I could sustain.

[loveyoutothemoon]

In competition with each other! People like this do my head in.

[cheesecadet]

"Much better at most things than her" Well that's not cocky at all is it?!

[Waltermittythesequel]

If you think she's obviously jealous because you're so much better than her, she probably thinks you're a stuck up so and so who has too high an opinion of herself...

[BrownSmilingEyes]

She always makes it clear what I am doing is wrong and goes out of her way to be better. She's not intimidated by me in the least

[Gazelda]

Have you wondered what she'd post if she were on MN?
"my SIL makes it obvious she believes herself better than me at most things. How can I cope with this?"

[BrownSmilingEyes]

Yes it's a cultural thing. She is married to his older brother, so he doesn't like to say anything to him either (again cultural/respect thing)
Yes very odd he doesn't want to move out but it's never going to happen.
I don't think she would even take it on board if I said she hurt my feelings.

[AyeAmarok]

Never* Woops.

It is an option, at least for you. You just move out into your own place. He can follow if he wants to.

[Dairybanrion]

She's obviously jealous that I am much better at most things than her but how can I cope with this?

Are you serious there?! You sound like hard work to be honest.

[AyeAmarok]

Your husband neevr wants to move out of his (parents'?) family home?

Does that not strike you as odd?

[AlanPacino]

When she makes snide comments tell her it hurts your feelings. Every time.