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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel about this?

59 replies

Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:24

I caught my husband on an adult work site looking at our area, he says he likes to look on there for wanking material and I should get over it, how would you feel about this?

OP posts:
ittooshallpass · 30/03/2016 20:25

Appalled.

GeezeLouiseBelcher · 30/03/2016 20:26

I would think he's full of shit and he's clearly looking for a hook up/to cheat.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:26

I'm beyond furious and he's saying I shouldn't have a problem with this?????

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 30/03/2016 20:27

I'd wonder who the hell I was married to!
And then I'd pack.

hownottofuckup · 30/03/2016 20:28

A. Wank fodder is disgusting
B. He's your husband. He should be concerned about your feelings not trying to belittle and dictate them

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:29

What's wank fodder Shock I'm shocked to say the least he's gone to work ! Turned off his phone!!

OP posts:
artlessflirt · 30/03/2016 20:30

What Geeze said. You don't look on those kind of things for wanking material, you look on those kind of things with the full intention of hooking up with someone locally.

I'd throw him and his phone out onto the lawn and tell him to not bother coming back.

Claraoswald36 · 30/03/2016 20:35

Flowers sorry to hear that op. How awful and disrespectful to say the least.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:35

We have 10 month left on our contract it's in both our names but it's not near his home town so should I tell him to leave? We have 2 small children who will have to stay here with me can't fucking believe this I never thought this of him!

OP posts:
Vernazza · 30/03/2016 20:36

I'd be installing spyware and getting the evidence for the divorce lawyer. I caught my husband on there - and didn't confront him - I thought we had a great marriage and that it was wank material. Trouble is, there is TONS of wank material out there and none of it is on adultwork. That's a working girl site. Mine was hiring prostitutes - yours either is, or is planning to. Sorry. I know that hurts. It almost destroyed me. If it were me, I would pretend to accept that wank story, install spyware, find out exactly what he is up to and be done with him. Feel free to message me if you want suggestions on spyware.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:40

Thank you, I think I'll probably just tell him to leave, I can't trust him there's no point going mad or insecure about it. I'm so annoyed he thinks he can fob me off with this excuse!

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 30/03/2016 21:02

Was he definitely looking for escorts in your area? I've just been on there for the first time and you can view lots of pictures.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 21:11

Yeah our area was typed in, I've been on too it's a lot of people!

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 30/03/2016 21:32

I'm so sorry. Hoping you're feeling relieved that you found out. X

RingUpRingRingDown · 30/03/2016 21:41

I would take screen shots, check though his phone and take screen shots of anything untoward there too. Print off. Leave with a trusted friend for safe keeping.

TokenGinger · 30/03/2016 21:47

What a bullshitter. There are tons of porn websites he can use for wank material!

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 11:50

He's still in bed off night shift what should I do when he gets up tell him to leave, looked on phone there's nothing there he's deleted everything!

OP posts:
8angle · 31/03/2016 11:54

Tell him to leave, at least this will give you some space to think whether you want him to leave permanently or temporarily.

An innocent person doesn't delete everything on their phone, sorry.

sunshinesummer · 31/03/2016 11:56

Ask him how he would feel, if you had been looking at a Male Escort site?

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:15

I've told him to leave he says no I'm overreacting and he won't be without me he says lots of men look at that sort of stuff, yes maybe when you are a fucking teenager! I've actually just rang a landlord for a house I've seen advertised near my parents house. He said I can go view this afternoon, but I'm scared at how I can afford all the rent, bills etc alone with 2 kids Sad

OP posts:
8angle · 31/03/2016 12:23

Tell him his options are to leave and give you some space, or you are going to have to call your friends, your family and his family to find somewhere for you and the kids to stay whilst you decide what to do about your husband because he has been screwing prostitutes.

I am so sorry this has happened to you but you need to be strong for your children now. Also i would recommend getting tested for STD's.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:27

He won't leave! Said I can ring the police or whoever I want he won't leave! I don't get on with his friends or family tbh so I wouldn't even waste my energy! There isn't much I can do here if he won't leave I've told him I'm going to look at this new property he doesn't believe me,

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 31/03/2016 12:28

You would get benefits and help with rent. I'm on my own with kids and manage well.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:28

I've just booked a doctor appointment thank you, I will stay strong no way Is he getting away with this one!

OP posts:
Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:30

I just did a one of those calculators looks like I would be fine even though my bedroom entitlement isn't what this house is and the rent is a lot more I would just cut back, I've spoken to a family member who has offered to lend me a lump sum too for deposits etc

OP posts:
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