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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel about this?

59 replies

Howwouldyoufeel0 · 30/03/2016 20:24

I caught my husband on an adult work site looking at our area, he says he likes to look on there for wanking material and I should get over it, how would you feel about this?

OP posts:
8angle · 31/03/2016 12:32

Well done - you sound very determined! Go and look at the property, as others have said there are benefits and help available for just this kind of situation.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2016 12:34

You will get benefits, credits and don't forget the child maintenance he will have to pay.
Very glad you have some support around you.
It must be horrible.
He could look at pictures just browsing the internet,
He does not need AW for this.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:35

Thank you and thanks everyone for your help I'm just disgusted more than anything! What I saw the prices, the pictures the numbers. Complete red mist hit me. I've got kids ready and I'm taking them to see family while I go view the property they are young so hopefully will adjust to this

OP posts:
Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 12:36

Yes that's the thing he's a regular hardcore porn user so what he's saying to me is absolute BS

OP posts:
Vernazza · 31/03/2016 12:51

Yes OP, exactly my point - no one goes to AW to look at porn - it's about hiring as the quality of porn on there is minimal compared to TONS of other free sites. Does he have a laptop? If you can stay calm and keep your powder dry you may be able to get more evidence that will come in handy in the future.

NOW is the time to grab the bank account records and look at withdrawals - the vast majority of the escorts are cash only. Grab them from wherever they are and hide them - now.

AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 13:01

Good for you. Nice to see a woman know her boundaries and determined to enforce them.

IreallyKNOWiamright · 31/03/2016 17:14

I think it's a very bad excuse.
He doesn't need to register on there to do that. Very disrespectful towards you op telling you to get over it. How do you feel you can go forward if he has an attitude like this and doesn't want to give you space

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 18:59

I've checked laptop bank account statements everything, nothing. as far as I'm aware he isn't registered was just looking he said he sometimes looks because it excites him (how pathetic) I got the house I can move in a weeks time, I've told him and he's threatening to ring current landlord and move with me? He can't do this can he?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 19:03

No, he can't do that

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 31/03/2016 19:03

No he can't move with you! If he harasses you call 101.
Well done for being so strong. Onwards and upwards for you without this dickhead hanging round your neck.

TealLove · 31/03/2016 19:05

Could he have just been looking out of curiosity? Or did he actually make enquiries? I'm just checking because I know some guys do look for cheap thrills.

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 19:05

I've told him I'm taking the furniture he said I can only have half so I'm taking the kids stuff and the kitchen things I'll have to sleep on the floor for the mean time and no TV for the kids but I'm sure we will be ok!

OP posts:
Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 19:06

He said he was looking out of curiosity like you say but I really don't want to be with a man who looks at escorts to be honest even if it really was nothing! Sad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 19:07

Have a look at the recently bumped thread "does this sound like he is using prostitutes" in the relationships topic ( sorry, can't link on my phone)

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 19:09

I've just replied in it! I couldn't be bothered to become obsessed with checking up on him I honestly haven't got the time or strength I'm absolutely devastated I've sat opened a bottle of wine and cried for the last hour, my poor children Sad

OP posts:
TealLove · 31/03/2016 19:11

I understand how you feel that way. I'm so sorry x

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 19:12

rhank you x I was so angry before I'm just so upset now

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 19:16

Sorry, I didn't realise it was you who replied

I mentioned it because that op's outcome can only be your outcome if you don't get rid. You are doing the right thing.

Even if he is "just looking"... what possible positive putcome could thst signify for your relationship ? . Absolutely zero is the answer to that. You are doing the right thing.

AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 19:16
  • outcome
Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 19:23

Thank you, I feel I'm doing the right thing, I'm quite independent and I'm just not interested in his excuses. He started this 'you can cheat on me and we can move on' thing I just ignored him in fact I've blocked his number! I don't have any friends and my family aren't the emotional type but I'll be ok I have my job and my sanity!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/03/2016 19:58

Good for you.

he sounds like a bullet dodged...

Buzzardbird · 31/03/2016 20:00

Good for you for not standing for his pathetic excuses and manipulation How. The suggestion that you should cheat on him to make things equal would be the nail in the coffin for me.
I am sorry you are going through this. Flowers

Original poster
Howwouldyoufeel0 · 31/03/2016 20:03

He's took some clothes with him said he's not coming back tonight so that's a plus. Dc1 is still up knows nothing is wrong. I plan on ringing my parents later maybe just to tell them we aren't good and I'm moving out. I've ate a pack of 4 cream cakes Blush

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 31/03/2016 20:20

Get your bank accounts sorted. You don't want him spending family money on prostitutes.
Eating is good.

lostandsoscared · 31/03/2016 20:26

Wow OP! Bloody fantastic proactive response Grin

Your children are very lucky to have such a strong, balanced mum even in the darkest times and under all this pressure. Bravo! Just remember this when you have a wobble.

I can empathise with how you must be feeling, I've just been through a break up (not similar circumstances) so I know how your thoughts turn to how it will affect your children, your financial and living circumstances and the sense of grief you feel for the relationship you thought you had. My ex DP (of 15 bloody years!) is an absolute stranger to me now, done and said some unforgivable things, but I have to view it as a lucky escape in the long run.

It's really bloody hard, but goodness me look at what you've achieved in a matter of hours! You're gonna be ok Smile