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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

is anyone up?

58 replies

RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 00:48

I have just spent the last hour being told how awful I am
I need to find my anger and keep it.

Is anyone up to hold my hand?

OP posts:
outputgap · 28/02/2016 00:50

Hallo. That sounds beyond awful. Have you anywhere else to go tonight? Get a cab to your mum's?

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 00:51

I wish I could

I am also 200 miles away

And drunk (so is he)

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 28/02/2016 00:51

I'm up Rainbow and more than happy to hold your hand. Feel free if you need to talk, I'm not going anywhere Flowers

Marchate · 28/02/2016 00:55

You are not awful. No-one should ever tell you that

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 00:55

I wish I was sober
I would load the kids in the car and go home
I have been verbally attacked beyond a
Endurance
But alcohol is envolved I am not that daft

OP posts:
PickledCauliflower · 28/02/2016 00:57

Sorry to hear.
Are you able to have a glass of water and try to sleep?
It's not a good time to address anything after drinking. Hope you can find some peace to get your head down and get some rest.
Hoping that you don't feel threatened or not vulnerable

outputgap · 28/02/2016 00:57

Are you apart now? You can go in the morning.

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 00:57

17 years that is pretty much all my adult life
I have never felt so helpless

OP posts:
Friendlystories · 28/02/2016 00:59

Where is he now OP? Can you hole up in the bedroom or somewhere for tonight, will he leave you alone if you do?

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 00:59

As soon as I can drive I will be gone
Please don't think badly of me this is not normal behaviour

OP posts:
MissBeaHaving · 28/02/2016 00:59

Take yourself to another room & ignore Rainbow.
Are you safe ?

Friendlystories · 28/02/2016 01:00

No one's thinking badly of you OP, just concerned about you Flowers

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:01

I am safe thank you
Just verbal
I am at the end of my tether but there is no risk
You lot are amazing x

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:02

How do I take my kids away from all they know?

OP posts:
PickledCauliflower · 28/02/2016 01:04

Try and get yourself some sleep if you can pet.
Have a clear think about all that has happened in the morning - as long as you are safe.

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:05

They are settled at school how do I tell them their dad is horrible and I don't want to be with him
If I leave I will have to go 200 Miles
I have transferred money
I could do it but how do I do that to my kids

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:06

Thank you xx

OP posts:
outputgap · 28/02/2016 01:09

It sounds like tonight might have been the straw that broke the camel's back?

I can appreciate that it's buzzing around in your head now, but there are loads of helpful, practical people on here who will give you advice about next steps. If you can sleep, do, and get the mumsnet experts to talk you through it all tomorrow.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/02/2016 01:10

Right now, just try to get some sleep. Sleep the alcohol out of your system. Tomorrow will be enough time to decide how you want to do this.

As far as your children, you don't tell them their dad is horrible. You just tell them that sometimes mummys and daddys stop loving each other and when that happens they just can't live together any more. But that mummys and daddys always love their children, always.

If it's best for your children, then you just do it because it is. They'll settle, children are pretty adaptable. They may be unhappy for a bit, but they'll be with you and in a peaceful home.

Friendlystories · 28/02/2016 01:10

If leaving is what you need to do once everything's calmed down and you've had chance to think with a clear head you won't be taking your kids away from all they know. You are the centre of their world and as long as they have you the rest will work itself out. Are the DC his children too?

Jenny70 · 28/02/2016 01:11

You take your kids away from all they know so that they know that being belittled and abused is not the normal way for loving people to behave. Picture your daughter being yelled at like you were, would you be happy for her to live her life like that? Picture your son putting down his wife telling her she's worthless unless she pander to his every need, again a disturbing image.

But if that is all they know, if that is all they see/feel from the adults in their home, then sadly it is time to pick up and start afresh. If not for you, then do it for them because they see and hear so much more than you think. A new start, built on self respect but with little money or possessions is far, far better than a comfortable life based on abusive foundations.

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:11

Please come and talk to me
Tell me about your day
Tell me a joke
Or something
My mind is imploding
How can someone who's supposed to be your life partner pull out the rug from under you

OP posts:
boobyooby · 28/02/2016 01:13

Hey Rainbow,

Got the t shirt and my kids turned out pretty ok (18 years of EA now I look back. Pretty scary at the time when I realised enough was enough .... I did it and so can you x

Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:19

I've read loads of stuff on here, thinking how wise you all are
I know what I would say to anyone else in my shoes right now
This is so fucking hard but enough is enough
He refuses to acknowledge that he has a part to play
Fuck him he's a waste of air
At least I have tomorrow to get sorted before school, work etc

OP posts:
Original poster
RainbowDashed · 28/02/2016 01:24

He almost managed to convince me that I a, the bad guy
He is convinced he is right
But I have tried so hard and not been able,to get it right
I know in my heart I have done nothing wrong just need to persuade my head iyswim

OP posts:
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