is anyone up?

[RainbowDashed]

I have just spent the last hour being told how awful I am
I need to find my anger and keep it.

Is anyone up to hold my hand?

You can leave and sounds like you should. While you are drunk though - I would just try to relax and get some rest. You are not alone - MANY of us have dealt with EA and it is utterly horrible. Take care xxx

My girls are11 and 6. They are happy and settled how do I tell them that everything needs to change
New schools new friends etc
What we have here is all they know

How dare he
How dare he put me in this position

Sorry to be so crap and needy this really isn't me

Rainbow, I've been there too - twice unfortunately. I find the strength to leave and my dd has settled. We left just before Christmas. Sounds like similar situation .. He did nothing, was convinced he was always right, it was all my fault .. My dd was devastated, but now she's fine, enjoying her new school. We moved a long way,I felt I needed a new start, which meant a new school and friends for dd, but she's doing great. How old are your children?

Sorry, just seen their ages. They'll settle in new schools, they'll be fine. They might be sad, upset, angry, worried at first, but children adapt very well.

Stuff him and his verbal batterings.

Tell us 3:
-things you like about yourself;
-happy memories
-actors you fancy.

Thank you for talking to me you have no idea how much it helps

Three actors I fancy:
David Tennant
Johnny Depp
Harrison Ford

H does not look like any of them

Three happy memories

Spending time with my bff which does not happen enough
Walking in the countryside with dcs
Last Christ,as with my family

Hey Rainbow

I'll say something I like about you: you've reached out. You love your family.

That's good for starters. :)

Things look weirdly clear but horrible at this time of night, especially after a few. Have felt like this a few times but much better in the morning. Hopefully you will too - and if you don't, at least you will have a clear head to sort it. But would have appreciated a hand to hold all of those times, so you have mine xx

Yep, I like you already. You fancy completely different men, for starters, so we won't compete. Make sure you give Johnny Depp a very good scrub before any liaisons, mind.

Now come on, finish your homework and then make yourself cocoa and go to bed:

3 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Johnny Depp needs to be thrown into a pool with enough bleach to disolve those manky tattoos before he goes near anyone! He was very fanciable when he was with Vanessa, but now, YUK.
David Tennant - ah bless him, both my DDs fancy him, even though I'm only a few years older.
Harrison is looking his age a little too much for me.

I'm with you on country walks though.

I hope you're able to get some sleep so you can firstly, think clearly and secondly you can see what needs doing.

Leaving any relationship is tricky, even more so when you've children. But just ask yourself, what advice would you give your DDs if they were in your position? If you have DSs would you want them to turn out like him??
That always helped me gain perspective.

Hmmm, three men I like

Aiden Turner
Tom Selleck
Henry Cavill

Common thread; nice hairy chests

Ok, now here's one; Three things I like about MN

The Vipers!
I can tell things I wouldn't even tell my BFF
No one knows who I am!!

Rainbows I'm hoping you've been able to drift off to sleep. Things will look, well maybe not better, but you'll have more strength tomorrow.

As long as you're not in danger you might be better to stay where you are and get him to move out. You might be entitled to stay in the house until the children are 18 for instance. Don't make any rash decisions. Get legal advice to find out what your rights are and what you are entitled to.

I know it's hard but you will get there. Be strong.

Hope you're ok op

Good luck OP. I'm 8 months on from where you are and haven't regretted my decision.

To everyone who was here last night, thank you

I am sorry to tell you that you've probably wasted your time

I told him this morning I wanted him out. Lots of tears from him, apologies for the dcs, they were in tears saying they didn't want him to go, both were hysterical. I've caved and told him he as one last chance. He keeps being sick and apparently has just fainted in the kitchen. I feel like I'm being played, I've read enough on these boards to know the script. I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with the children being so upset.

Hugs

You do not have to act now, but you can start reconstructing yourself. You can get things in place. At this moment you are suffering from the effects of alcohol and adrenalin rush. Give yourself a few days and reconsider your position.

btw I find Mumsnet classics a real help. The religious fridge gets me every time.

Write this down somewhere- your op and the comments - mark the date - when it happens again (when, not if) use it to strengthen your resolve and make it the last time

This is a marathon, not a sprint OP and you'll take each step (in whatever direction you choose) when you're good and ready. Perhaps this morning you don't have the reserves to make any changes, but just be prepared to feel differently later.

apologies for the dcs, they were in tears saying they didn't want him to go, both were hysterical.

You and their father do need to sort this out away from the children though

I have no idea what he said to them, I'd been talking to him away from them and he went off and spoke to them, next thing I know they are all three of them hysterical. This went on for a while, they were clinging to me, clinging to him, utterly broken hearted, it was awful.

I think that if/when it gets to this point again, I will do it when they aren't here. I can deal with him, or them, being upset but everyone at once, it's too overwhelming.

I've kind of explained to dd1, that dh was very mean to me last night which is why I asked him to leave, because I won't tolerate that, but explained that we've decided together to try and work something out as no one wants to break up the family. Dh has apologised, to them as well as to me, and promised to get help. Yes I have heard it all before. Poor dd2 is just confused.

My mind is whirring I have no idea what to think or feel. My rational brain knows that this is dead in the water and I feel as though I'm playing games to keep the dcs happy. The less rational part of me just wants to gibber and rock in a corner till the whole thing goes away.

I am already on a high dose of ad's. What the fuck has happened to me.

The fact that he'd use his own children this way is a big enough problem for me to seriously consider leaving. Add that into all that's happened and, well, you need to do some serious thinking. But you already know that.

For today, try to just be. If you can avoid him, do. That's for today. Tomorrow pick up the load and think about what you want and what is best for your children.