is anyone up?

[RainbowDashed]

I have just spent the last hour being told how awful I am
I need to find my anger and keep it.

Is anyone up to hold my hand?

I started keeping little diary notes when these things happened and I desperatly wanted to get out but didn't want to/think I could do it.

I worried about the DC (3 girls now, 7 11 & 14) I worried about money and how I would cope.

It took me 3 years of not just me putting up with the type of abuse you have written about on here but the DC to. He was never violent to the DC and only physically violent to me a handful of time but he fucked my head up making me think I was paranoid, making me believe things I knew were true were not true.

That diary, as Well as re-reading my old threads here help make me stronger and he is now gone from the house, it's early days, it's hard work but my good is it more peaceful, calmer, safer and happier.

I have a thread in here in my old name, I had to name change because he was some how reading it along with seeing my bank account, the fraud squad at the bank have sorted that now.

You will know when you are ready, you already know you are being played and he is manipulating the children to make you feel sorry for them and him, it's a mind fuck.

One day you wil be strong enough.

When I feel safer on here I will start another thread, the support here is amazing as you well know

Love, lots of us have been where you are and totally understand what you are going through.
{{}}
He knows he's gone too far this time. Using your DC to sway you is despicable. My EXH did the same to me. Our DC were hysterical at the thought he was not being allowed back, even though he'd abused them! They begged me to allow him one last chance ( I didn't know about the abuse then ) so I did.

It didn't last.

Then after they realised he wasn't going to hurt them anymore, they told me everything.

Like PP have said, it's a marathon not a dash. Take your time, gain strength and give yourself time to sort yourself out. You CAN do this. We know you can and are always here for you.

He has fed them a line. They have been given his PoV before you get a chance to talk them through it. Probably along the lines of 'Mummy hates Daddy' - that's the usual sob story

He has placed himself firmly in the right, and you are the baddy. But do not despair!! We'll help you put that right

In the mean time, whether or not you should have given him one more chance is by the by. You can now use that time to get ready for a speedy exit next time he verbally abuses you. The usual advice. Everything you need, money, paperwork, passports etc off the premises if possible. Phone & charger easily available

Be prepared! And take care

OMG he spoke to the kids and next thing they're hysterical. The abusive prick.

Sweetheart you do what you need to do. It's not easy and like ppl said it can be a marathon, but yes next time (and there will be one) get them out of the house first

How are you getting on RainbowDashed I've been thinking about you.

(((Hugs)))

What the hell, he chose to panic the children? Just to get his own back at you for daring to be unhappy?

What an utter pick.

I hope you leave him sooner rather than later, although I understand that this is complicated and emotional.

But really. What a horrid thing to do to children. Unforgiveable.

He sounds awful. How dare he upset the children in order to manipulate you. Whatever happens it seems like you have some time to plan the next step. Do you have to move 200 miles away? Could you look into a nearer rental property, or see if your H would leave instead (from what you have said though he seems like he will stay forever rather than go, so it may have to be you that leaves).

I know of people who have been on AD's but then found that they were able to come off them when they left the marriage (though of course everyones situation/health is different).