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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

emergency bag - what to pack - urgent.

68 replies

zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 01:31

H has just been arrested for drink driving.

We split this morning, he was stabbing the kitchen work top with knives.

The police have said they don't have to tell me when he's being released. He's going to be really angry.

I'm packing small bags so as soon as ds is awake we can get out of here.

Any ideas of what I will need?

OP posts:
Blondie1984 · 26/02/2016 01:39

Passports, plenty of underwear, phone charger, any medication, favourite toy for Ds, iPad...clothes

coffeeisnectar · 26/02/2016 01:40

Paperwork - bank cards, passports, driving license and passwords for online banking

Clothes - as many as you need/can pack for at least a few days.

Cash.

Dcs toys - favourites and small things to keep them entertained.

Mobile phone, charger, laptop (if you can carry laptop).

Any meds

Snacks and drinks for dc and don't forget house keys.

If he's been charged with dd he will be taken to court in the morning. At the very earliest he will be up at 9.30am and then released.

I hope you have somewhere safe to go. If you have a car then pack as much as possible tonight.

Does he have form for aggressive or violent behaviour to you?

EBearhug · 26/02/2016 01:41

Passports, birth certificates, bank statements. Any meds, particularly prescription ones. Anything your son needs (nappies, food, all the usual stuff you'd pack for a day out, weekend away when you're taking him. Or school contact details if he's older.)

Anything of sentimental value you don't want to lose, particularly if he's being violent and erratic.

Change of clothes - warm clothes, it's frosty out. Toiletries. Mobile phone and charger. Address book if that's still paper. Purse, credit cards. Keys.

Good luck.

bakeoffcake · 26/02/2016 01:42

I hope you're ok.

Could you phone the police and tell them you are frightened of him and could they inform you when he's released?
I'm sure he won't be out until at least mud morning.

bakeoffcake · 26/02/2016 01:43

Mid

Blondie1984 · 26/02/2016 01:43

If you have any Apple devices then turn off then "where's my iPhone" setting or he will trace you

Original poster
zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 01:51

Thank you.

I had forgot to pack my meds.

I asked the police to inform me and he said as he's being arrested for drink driving im not classed as a victim. I said I was scared as hell be very angry and he just laughed and said 'he'll be more angry at me for smashing his Windows'

OP posts:
outputgap · 26/02/2016 01:58

This is mad. You're legitimately scared of him and the police are laughing about it?

I'm not sure what your next step is but could you report the knives thing as a separate domestic violence offence now, so they keep him away?

And bump for the more expert posters to come along...

Original poster
zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 02:01

I don't know I called 101 and told them about the knives too:

Does anyone know what the process is when he gets out? He has no money on him and no keys. Will they drop him back? Or should I take his keys to the police station?

OP posts:
Roystonv · 26/02/2016 02:04

That response from the police does not seem right. Can you try making a formal report stating domestic violence is a possibility rather than just depending on one officer who appears to be a dick

Redglitter · 26/02/2016 02:05

He won't necessarily go to court in the morning he may get released during the night depending on how sober he is

OP I'd suggest phoning back to the station where he's being held and ask for the duty officer and explain your concerns. The cops who arrested him won't have anything to do with him now but the duty officer would be the one who'll know when he's being released

gooseberryroolz · 26/02/2016 02:10

Make sure you have details of his NI number, payroll number or Tax ref code and his bank details too. They will be very useful for child maintainence, divorce etc.

Also stick a couple of paperbacks in your bag. Your mind will be racing over the next few days and internet surfing doesn't always help in those circs.

Do you have ALL important phone numbers on your phone?

Broken1Girl · 26/02/2016 02:11

Angry at the police being such twats. He laughed?!
Can you call and speak to another (preferably female) officer?
You reported the knives to 101, has a statement been taken from you?

OK, no money and no keys is good. Don't take his keys! They won't drop him back.

I would think and hope he will not be bailed, but will stay in custody and go to court in the morning. So won't be released until mid-morning at the earliest.

Flowers
goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 02:12

Where are you planning to go, OP, and how will you get there?

What makes you think he doesn't have his house keys when he was clearly in possession of his car keys?

And what does the police reference to 'smashing windows' mean? Are they saying he'll have to smash a window to gain access to your home, or have you had to smash one?

gooseberryroolz · 26/02/2016 02:13

It would be very unusual for them to drop him back. They book people out at the custody desk, open the custody suite door and let them out into the night/morning.

Redglitter · 26/02/2016 02:14

As gooseberry says he'll just be released it'll be up to him to make his way home.

gooseberryroolz · 26/02/2016 02:17

You can drop a bag of things for him at the front desk of the police station, inc his house keys, if thst's how you want to do it.

Where are you heading?

gooseberryroolz · 26/02/2016 02:19

(It would make sense to do that after you've left the house for good yourself. Wake DS up if you need to to ensure you're both safe.)

Original poster
zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 02:25

I just called the police station, the lady I spoke to said they are still dealing with him and has took my number to call back with an update.

The smashing windows thing, after all the stuff has happened he went out in his car, I called the police at that point as I had no idea what he was doing. The police came and were speaking to me and he pulled up. When he opened the door and saw the police he turned and ran, he got in his car and the police were trying to open the door but he shut and locked it so they smashed his car window.

ds is usually awake about 4.30. I'm hoping he won't be back before then.

OP posts:
HemanOrSheRa · 26/02/2016 02:39

Please call Women's Aid and speak to someone. Don't wait until your DS has woken at 4.30am. www.womensaid.org.uk/ . Do NOT wait for an update from the Police. They get over run and things get forgotten. Your safety and your DS's safety is paramount in this situation.

Original poster
zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 02:41

I have been calling WA for the past few weeks and constantly tonight but I can never get through Sad

OP posts:
LadyB49 · 26/02/2016 02:44

Do you have to leave your home.
Could you get out a 24/7 locksmith to change the locks immediately and then an emergency appt with a solicitor to learn your rights. Possibly get an interim order keeping him from the house for six weeks, then it goes to court. Also ring women's aid for advice.

goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 02:45

Am I correct in assuming that you called the police because of his behaviour, he did a runner drove off before they arrived, and then returned to your home where the police decided to breathalyse him?

What did he expect the police to do? Let him drive off? It's his own fault his car window was smashed and if it's the first time he's been arrested it may have had a sobering (no pun intended) effect on him.

It's by no means certain that he'll be required to appear in the Magistrates in the morning, but in that event he's unlikely to be at liberty until c11am and I would imagine that one of the duty solicitors at the court will arrange for him to get home one way or another, most probably by lending him a phone so he can call a mate or similar.

You'll hopefully be given notice if he's released on police bail sometime in these early hours, but it's not unheard of for the police to return detainees who haven't got money/bank/credit cards on them to their homes or make a phone available to them so that they can arrange to be picked up from the station.

Where do you plan to go, OP, and if it's to a friend/relative is there any way they could come to collect you when your dc wakes up or later this morning, or do you have a car that you can cram with belongings?

goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 02:51

The important thing is not to panic; if he does return and kicks off simply call 999 and the police will remove him from your home.

I'm sorry you haven't been able to get through to Women's Aid on the very oversubscribed helpline number. Have you tried emailing?

Original poster
zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 02:54

He was stabbing the big knives into the kitchen work top and was saying he was thinking about stabbing himself in the wrist, then there was loads of banging in our bedroom (I am in with ds), so I waited for him to go downstairs and went and looked and all the curtain poles were down. Then there was more banging down stairs so I went down and he had a rope. I can only assume he was attempting to hang himself. He told me to go away and leave him alone then ran out the house into his car and drove off. That's when I called 101, I explained what had happened and that I was worried he would do something stupid. They sent police to the house and when the officer was at the house h turned up again, he came in and saw him and ran back to his car, he slammed the door and locked it and started the engine so the police officer smashed his window and took his keys. They breathalyzed him and said he was over the limit so he was arrested for drink driving. The police officer said that they will get their mental health unit to talk to him too.

Tbh I don't have a set plan where I'm going. I just need to get out this house.

I'm going to ring the council in the morning to see if I could get any emergency accommodation too.

Will try WA again now.

Thank you for all the advice everyone

OP posts:
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