Page 3 | emergency bag - what to pack - urgent.

zombiemeow · 2016-02-26T01:31:35+00:00

H has just been arrested for drink driving. We split this morning, he was stabbing the kitchen work top with knives. The police have said they don't have to tell me when he's being released. He's going to be really angry. I'm packing small bags so as soon as ds is awake we can get out of here. Any ideas of what I will need?

goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 08:32

I know it's only a WA phone worker who's said you're at high risk of dv, but it's a police assessment of high risk that will provide the additional security I've mentioned.

I just hate this uncertainty of not knowing what he's doing and what he's going to do This is the downside of not being on the spot, so to speak, and you are best advised not to make contact with him - I doubt it'll be long after he's released before he's on the phone to you, or gets one of his mates to call with some sad tale or other designed to tug at your hearstrings.

As police custody suites can be hellishly noisy lively in the early hours and the beds are uncomfortable, to say the least, he may just go home and crash out for the next 24 hours, in which case regard no news as being good news because he won't be planning to leave this world without tormenting calling you before he makes his mock attempt.

Original poster

zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 08:44

Thank you.

I have just been called to say he is getting out.

I had his phone as I took it to the police station this morning to hand in incase he needs to call someone to pick him up im an idiot I know but they couldn't take it so I don't know how I can get it to him. His messages kept coming up, he'd told a lot of people he wanted to die. He messaged a mutual friend saying 'don't worry, once she's gone this house will be a party house'.

I couldn't afford to stay in the house alone and tbh I wouldn't want to, he's trashed it already.

I had an appointment booked with a solicitor a week tomorrow. Should I try and get a sooner one?

OP posts:

LIZS · 26/02/2016 08:51

Can't u leave the phone at the house? If he needs to make a call he'll have to plead with police or make his own way home. Don't give him any further thought and focus your energy on your and your ds' future. Good luck.

Costacoffeeplease · 26/02/2016 08:52

The response to the suicide threats should be 'crack on' he's a bullying twat, do not waste any time or emotion on feeling sorry for him or feeling guilty - he's responsible for his actions, no-one else

Original poster

zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 08:58

I'm a bit worried about going back to the house, there's no one to go with me at the moment.

His mom is messaging me getting all arsey because she's had to go pick him up and she's saying there's no record of him at the police station

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 26/02/2016 08:59

Not your problem any more

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 26/02/2016 09:08

zombie, I totally understand your conflicted feelings, but right now you need to put your son and yourself first and leave this man.

Do you have family you can stay with? Or enough cash to book into a hotel for tonight at least? They probably won't let you check in until 2 but maybe you could kill a few hours in a soft play centre, see a film with DS etc.

As PP have said, do not leave that house without all the paperwork relating to finances, and your passports and birth certs.

If you have a joint account, move that money to your own account asap so he doesn't withdraw it and leave you without cash.

Keep strong OP, you can do this, you must for your little boy. x

goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 09:09

It sounds as if he's being released on police bail in which case he'll be given a date to return to be charged.

If the police were of the view you are at high risk of dv they could have imposed conditions to the bail which would have prevented him returning to the house.

I couldn't afford to stay in the house alone You may have assumed this, but he'd still have to contribute to the mortgage and it may well be that you could afford to stay until it's sold. As I've said, it's unlikely you'll be eligible for social housing until it is sold and opting for refuge accomodation could result in a very lengthy stay.

With regard to solicitors, I suggest you ask WA to refer you to one who specialises in divorce and family law and has expertise in domestic abuse cases as you should be seen before next weekend and, at the very least, you need a non-mol to keep him away from you.

If you've got his phone he'll have to buy another one or do without as that's the way the cookie crumbles if you indulge in twattery.

Have you really left 2 dogs behind? I wouldn't trust your h to care for a goldfish and I certainly wouldn't have given him the opportunity to use the welfare of an animal against me.

DoBananasWearPajamas · 26/02/2016 09:11

Hope you're doing ok - forget his phone, you dont need to do anything for him now - dont go back to the house alone, you dont have to. YOU did not make him like this or make him do the things he has done, HE is an adult and can take responsibility for his own actions. So you have his phone, oh well....

you need to look after you and DS no one else

goddessofsmallthings · 26/02/2016 09:12

Don't get involved with his mum's problem - she raised him and she can sort him out. As for the police having no record him, she may have gone to the wrong station or the list of overnight custody inmates may not have gone to the front desk yet.

JenEric · 26/02/2016 09:31

Don't worry about his mum. Right now you need to look after you and your DS. Go get somewhere safe so you can get your head together. Do you have family or friends you could go to? If someone called me and recounted your tale I'd have them in my house ASAP.

Stormtreader · 26/02/2016 09:33

"'don't worry, once she's gone this house will be a party house'", well that doesnt sound like someone on the brink of killing themselves any second, does it? That sounds like someone who is throwing the biggest strop he can to get you to leave so he can do what he wants.

cestlavielife · 26/02/2016 11:08

reiterating that right now you need to put your son and yourself first and leave this man.
spend next three weeks on your own with DS. DS wont suffer for not seeing dad for few weeks. you can discuss supervised contact later. keep the texts saying he will kill himself...

keep his phone. he can get another one.

if he needs it his mum or his friend can come pick it up or you can leave it some place.

killing himself and having parties ..hmmm... no logic there !

Joysmum · 26/02/2016 12:34

Hope you are OK?

Original poster

zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 13:15

Thanks everyone, am at dm's.

The police told his mom that he had been released and walked home (very long walk, hopefully gave him some good thinking time) she was driving round looking for him.

Then he turned up here. It was horrible. I gave him his phone and went to shut the door and he asked if he could see ds for a few mins so I said only for a few mins.

He kept saying sorry and he really didn't mean to scare me and he would never hurt me. He said when he drove off it was because I asked him to leave and looked scared (I was full on shaking), he returned for his coat when the police were there. He said the things with the knives was because he was very upset. He asked me to go back there until I find somewhere.

I told him that I was terrified of him last night. I don't think he left because I asked because he would of said and took the money I gave him for petrol. I said about the knives that is not normal behaviour at all, even when drunk and upset, and especially with a child in the house. I told him I would not go back as I know he will just be drinking and the same would happen tonight.

OP posts:

Original poster

zombiemeow · 26/02/2016 13:15

Thanks everyone, am at dm's.

The police told his mom that he had been released and walked home (very long walk, hopefully gave him some good thinking time) she was driving round looking for him.

Then he turned up here. It was horrible. I gave him his phone and went to shut the door and he asked if he could see ds for a few mins so I said only for a few mins.

He kept saying sorry and he really didn't mean to scare me and he would never hurt me. He said when he drove off it was because I asked him to leave and looked scared (I was full on shaking), he returned for his coat when the police were there. He said the things with the knives was because he was very upset. He asked me to go back there until I find somewhere.

I told him that I was terrified of him last night. I don't think he left because I asked because he would of said and took the money I gave him for petrol. I said about the knives that is not normal behaviour at all, even when drunk and upset, and especially with a child in the house. I told him I would not go back as I know he will just be drinking and the same would happen tonight.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 26/02/2016 13:19

Very sensible of you but I can only imagine how frightens and hurt you are feeling right now. I'm so glad you've got your mum for support. Are you are to stay there indefinitely until you get something more permanent arranged?

Northumberlandlass · 26/02/2016 13:21

Hi Zombie, I posted on your other thread! I was confused as to which one was most recent..
Anyway, I think you need to stay well away from him if you can. I cannot imagine he can say anything now to make up for what has happened. Do not engage at all unless it is regarding access to your DS. I would even go as far to say meet him in a public place so he can see him.

If you can get a solicitor appointment before next week then do it. You need to know what you are entitled to.
Contact CAB (I'm assuming you're in UK) and explain to them the situation - work out what you can get.

You are not the person in the wrong here. You & your DS deserve so much more.