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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

There are not enough nice blokes to go round.

72 replies

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 26/12/2015 19:45

That is my conclusion from reading threads on here.

Personally I'd rather be only own than carry some dead weight, mean spirited lazy shit, but that's me.

I sometimes wonder if some of the utter scum bags that are regularly featured on here, would up their game if their bad behaviour wasn't tolerated? Who knows, but bloody hell, I wish we tested the shit out of that.

I'm not sure why I'm posting, I'll no doubt be flamed for seeing things as too black and white, but I suppose I wish that more women would just treat themselves better and kick these idiots to the kerb. Single ain't so bad.

Oh and no I'm not single at the moment (so easy for me to say), but I have spent long periods of my life single (and happy).

OP posts:

britmodgirl · 26/12/2015 19:48

True!!! There's some awful people out there. It reminds me that it's ok to be single!

HermioneWeasley · 26/12/2015 19:49

I agree, I am absolutely boggled by what some women will put up with.

And when you read the threads they have multiple kids with these lazy selfish dicks, and give up their careers so they're financially dependent and I just want to scream "whyyyyyy???"

The thread where the poor woman was mis carrying and having to entertain her stepDD, the current thread where the Op is working 2 jobs and her lazy partner is doing sweet FA - why? For the love of God, what are you getting out of it????

Reese123 · 26/12/2015 19:50

Yes I agree - I encounter a lot of douche bags

Original poster

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 26/12/2015 19:55

I think, underneath it all, I'm a bit selfish. If I'm not getting something out of a relationship, something positive, I just think, fuck this I'm off. Which clearly means I'm not as nice, tolerant or giving.

I don't want to kick the cat, and I suspect if you've been deprived of love, anything is good, but: SINGLE is good.... particularly if you get the bed to yourself, the remote, the computer and you can decide what you do with your free time/time with the kids.

OP posts:

mudandmayhem01 · 26/12/2015 20:05

There are also a lot of nice blokes around, who for some reason find it hard to find a nice woman ( anyone here want to date my lovely work colleague, single father, solvent, intelligent and funny in a shy sort of way, interesting job, mildly religious so not into casual encounters) no oil paintings but pleasant looking?

Holowiwi · 26/12/2015 20:08

I do wonder as well, it's one thing if these men change during the relationship but another if they have always been that way. Why are you with them if that have always been a bit of a dick/lazy/selfish etc. It would be nice if these people could be phased out sadly I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Manopaws · 26/12/2015 20:10

But is it the case that people only moan about there parteners?

I never see posts on here saying what a great guy your with and how he surprised you with lots of love and support but why would we.

If that was the case you wouldn't be asking for advice on what you should do or should you leave them. You'd be daft to really wouldn't you.

So the posts on here are the minority and not the norm.

I use to take a lot of shit from my ex wife but that doesn't mean all women are mad and want to control you and put you down. I stuck it for years until I couldn't take it any more and left.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 26/12/2015 20:13

I completely agree.

I see a lot of it in my single friends, though. A lot of 40 something women who are trying to make an unsuitable man 'fit' and overlooking their less desirable characterisitcs, etc, where a man wouldn't.

I think a lot of women will try and make it work with just about any man for the sake of not being single.

I can't think of any other reason some women put up with some men.

The number of times I don't post on a thread because the only thing I can think of to say is, "well if you knew he was like this, why the hell did you have a baby with him?"...

I've never been loved, I'm doubtful it would ever happen now, but I'm certainly not going to tolerate crap behaviour from a man just so that I can say "my boyfriend..."

mugglelady · 26/12/2015 20:22

Completely agree OP, I've been single for a couple of years now and I'd much rather be on my own than with one of the selfish deadbeat types you read about on here. However I do think the previous poster was right in that you don't always hear about the good uns as generally people are posting in Relationships as they are in a shitty situation/ need support. In the past I was in a similar position to some of these women and it's well known that often these men can take a few years to show their true colours (maybe when your confidence has been knocked/ you are at your most vulnerable) as if they did at the beginning you would tell them where to go! Hope that helps in explaining why some women may "choose" these idiots..

peggyundercrackers · 26/12/2015 20:22

It's a two way street... I have a nice friend who has been single for a couple of years now. He's easy going, has his own business which has set hours, he is outgoing and adventurous. He's tried OLD but some of the horror stories he tells are astonishing.

Shutthatdoor · 26/12/2015 20:26

There are horrid women just as much as there are horrid men.

It isn't gender exclusive.

thelaundryfairy · 26/12/2015 20:27

Agree with Shutthatdoor. I guess people´s tolerance of someone else´s "faults" is proportional to their fear or dislike of being alone.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 26/12/2015 20:35

I agree that some women are as bad as some men. In my real life experience, men don't seem to put up with crap for as long as women do.

You do sometimes hear about the good'uns on here, but there are still too many people puttiing up with crap!

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 26/12/2015 20:40

mugglelady there are also too many women saying, "he was like this at the beginning but I thought he'd change". I think one piece of advice I always give irl, or take myself, if I'm asked about a new bf is, "you have to imagine that this is as good as it's going to get. Is that enoigh?" Why would you assume someone is going to change for the better?!

peggy so this nice friend...

laudryfairy I think that's very true. But also very sad.

megletthesecond · 26/12/2015 20:50

Yep. I see it in real life too. The way some colleagues breezily chat about their dh's or son in laws saddens me. Some real shockers out there and they just brush it off.

strangeleaf · 26/12/2015 21:02

I agree. I think many women (and men) are terrified of being on their own - I remained single for ten years although I had a DD (raised from birth on my own), and many female friends were puzzled/horrified that I wasn't rushing to find a new 'dad' for her and 'someone to look after me'.

I'm lucky that I did meet DH eventually, who is lovely, but if I hadn't then I would have been fine living alone and raising DD on my own without his help. And we both know that I'd never tolerate any crap and could go back to being on my own tomorrow without having to think too hard about it. Some of my female friends get scared just being on the house on their own and can't manage a bit of DIY so they end up quite dependent on their DPs.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 26/12/2015 21:13

Some of my female friends get scared just being on the house on their own and can't manage a bit of DIY so they end up quite dependent on their DPs.

Yes I have a friend who is more than capable and the 'breadwinner', yet her biggest fear is her husband leaving her. She puts up with some crap.

They appear to be the perfect couple, but they are far from it.

I wouldn't tolerate it.

Sweetsweetjane · 26/12/2015 21:23

I'm a middle aged single mum. I have disabilities and am struggling to work to pay for our house. I dream of meeting a decent man who is solvent and could help take the burden off me or share the burden. Sadly single men of my age either wouldn't look twice at middle aged, health compromised me or have looked twice but turned out to be the worst of a bad bunch.
I hate the pressure I'm under and honestly don't know how to manage but I'd still rather be single than put up with some of the shit people have expected me to overlook. Cough {wankers} cough

megletthesecond · 26/12/2015 21:24

I felt so sad when a colleague was talking about her marriage and muttered that "it was too late" to make any changes.

I'm so zero tolerance these days I suspect I'm going to be single forever. (XP was a proper abusive shit so I'm glad I'm out of there).

Preciousxbane · 26/12/2015 21:28

I agree with you op though there are some horrible women as well.

myfirstandonlylove · 26/12/2015 21:37

It makes me sad to hear about people being unhappily married or indeed unhappily single. I knew 2 people who were in love every single day they were together until death took one of them. They were my parents.

ProfessorPickles · 26/12/2015 21:44

It's no coincidence that I've never felt so consistently happy and that I've never been single for so long! Less than 12 months so far, but it's going brilliantly.
I'm sometimes a bit upset that I want a second child and I'll always be living off a single wage, but at the minute it's working very well for me!
Occasionally, I get a bit upset as I want a partner then I talk to a friend about their relationship for about 10 minutes and it all comes flooding back as to why being single is good for me!

Lau1984 · 26/12/2015 21:45

Dontcallmethatyoucunt - I wholeheartedly agree! I kicked my partner out at 26weeks pregnant and I'm now 36weeks, hard decision...but like you, I cannot tolerate lack of respect and a waste of space man! There's always a way out and more ladies should empower themselves and get tough.... Why waste your time and happiness...
Golden opportunities come when people help themselves and make the right choices! Me and baby will be happier and settled and I can show her how to be independent and not tolerate shit as she grows.

Klaptout · 26/12/2015 21:49

I agree that people on here post at difficult times within their relationships.
I had great relationship with my DH, I've not met anyone that has come close since he died.
I'm a bit like a previous poster in that my health is not good add in my now grown up kids have autism, I don't think I'll ever find someone, I won't settle for a crap relationship.

ProfessorPickles · 26/12/2015 21:49

Sounds like a bloody good plan Lau it's far better for a child to grow up with one happy parent than two that aren't getting along. I've been on my own since my son was born and we are both thriving, single parents aren't doomed like some people seem to make out! Twice as much work but twice as much fun and love. Plus far easier to raise one child than one child and a man child

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