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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Buying me new things controlling or not

76 replies

Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 12:01

Ok so he's bought me a new phone for Christmas which i wanted that cost a couple of hundred pounds and then yesterday evening i was meant to be going out for a family get together, so I phoned and asked him would it be ok to go out with family members and guess what the answer was NO your taking the piss yet i am 27 years old and have to ask his permission to go out only to be told NO i really have had enough and will be chatting to womans aid to get a safety plan put in place and also a foster place for my dog until i can get myself sorted and away from this horrible person.

OP posts:
Genx77 · 21/12/2015 12:02

Why did you even phone him and ask him if it would be ok?

TeaFathers · 21/12/2015 12:04

yeah that's very controlling.
i'd hand back the phone and ditch him.

Genx77 · 21/12/2015 12:04

And why do you have to call womens aid? Just return the phone, tell him it's not working for you and leave. Unless there is a huge back story here I'm not aware of?

Seeyounearertime · 21/12/2015 12:05

I wouldnt trust that phone, there my be tracking apps or even apps hidden that forward txts to him that you receive etc.

pocketsaviour · 21/12/2015 12:21

Genx yes there is a huge back story here, OP is trying to leave and already has been in contact with WA.

OP - you obviously know he's controlling already and the phone may be an element of that but it's just another nail in the coffin really.

Is the phone unlocked to any network or has he got it on a contract?

pocketsaviour · 21/12/2015 12:22

Christ, Seeyou is right, never even occurred to me. OP do not use that phone for calling or texting anyone he wouldn't "approve" of, nor for accessing Mumsnet or any other support.

sooperdooper · 21/12/2015 12:24

Do you still have your old phone? If so keep that and leave the new phone with him, it's only a phone and he sounds awful - you don't need to ask permission to go out

Could you stay with one of the family members you were due to meet? Are there children involved?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:12

Hi Genx77 because i am afraid of him

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:12

Hi TeaFathers its not that simple

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:14

Hi Seeyounearertime i hope there isn't hidden apps phone was bought brand new off someone he knew.

OP posts:
timelytess · 21/12/2015 13:14

Then say how it is, let people give you their opinions, and take action. You're 27. Want to be afraid of him still in thirty years time? No? You know what to do.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:15

Hi Pocketsaviour it's unlocked to any network.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 21/12/2015 13:17

OP do not use the new phone to speak Women's Aid. If you don't still have the old phone use a friends/relative/work/public phone.

Hope you get out safely soon.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:19

Hi sooperdooper yes i am getting the old phone back today so will put an old sim card in there to access mumsnet etc

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/12/2015 13:19

Well done for deciding to leave.
I second others that you should leave the phone at home. If he is that controlling, I'd bet it has tracking software and spyware.
Please don't just ask for a safety plan, but for a leaving plan.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:20

Hi timelytess of course i don't want to be afraid of him in 30 years time

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:21

Hi AdoraBell the phone was bought brand new from his friend as a Christmas present

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:21

Hi Lweji it was bought brand new as a Christmas present

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/12/2015 13:23

I understand it was brand new, but unless there was an unbroken seal, I don't think I'd trust it.
Is it password protected? Does he know it?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:25

I have a password on the phone only i know and only it can only be unlocked by a fingerprint sensor so no one else can get into the phone only myself

OP posts:
bendybrickpumpkinpatch · 21/12/2015 13:26

Havent you posted about this man before OP ??

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:28

Hi bendy brick yes i have posted about him before.

OP posts:
HeadDreamer · 21/12/2015 13:29

Do you really have to ask us? Of course he's controlling. Nothing to do with a phone at all. Why do you even need to ask his permission to go out?

I'm going out tonight with colleagues. We have a 1 and 4 yo. I told DH I'm going out but he's not going to refuse because I know he's not going out tonight! We need someone to look after the children.

I gather you don't, so why do you even need to ask him?

pocketsaviour · 21/12/2015 13:32

OP was the phone in the box when he gave it to you, with a seal across the battery?

If not, he could have installed tracking software before giving it to you. Please be safe. Using your old phone sounds like a good idea for now.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 21/12/2015 13:39

Hi HeadDreamer it is horrible having to ask permission but if i don't he will get angry and i don't want him to get angry so i ask permission even though i am told no i cannot go out.

OP posts: