my mother, she has Form, She has started already, If I have to sleep on the floor I am not coming For Christmas

[NoahVale]

Aaargh.
unlikely we would make her sleep on the floor anyway..
god Why does she have to ruin christmas.
last christmas was so much beter when she was at my sibling's.
then I forget and think , oh she is fun.
but my god i need the valium already

good mind to ring her and say, you Dont have to come, in the past we have had tears about the most minor things, with regard to christmas.
ffs

Where has she got the idea that she might be sleeping on the floor?

Eh?

Did you ask her to sleep on a floor? Or does she just fear this?

I have no idea, she asked if she could stay and where, of course I said, the dds room, thinking we will cross that bridge when we come to it,
then Today she starts on about how she cant sleep on the floor, and she also cant have dd on the floor becuase she will trip over her when she goes to the loo in the night, hinting someone should sleep elsewhere, ie sitting room

it is just the silly blackmail.
I wont come,
we have this, year after year, along with tears.. well not every year because we take it in turns, but that sort of thing

am going out now, to scream,

Call her bluff, say ok then if she says she will not visit. Say it is not possible for you to host her.

Why did you ask her at all to come and visit you?. Are you in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) when it comes to your mother?.

Does she like making things all about her; my guess is that she is a drama queen the entire year (and has likely been so your entire life).

What sort of a relationship does your sibling have with her these days?

So where would you like her to sleep?

Do you actually want her to come? If not why not just tell her?

Why can't she sleep in the sitting room?

yes kind of in the FOG
but also yes I do want her to come.

sibling is the beesknees, I am a lot close tooclose mileage,

sitting room - her worse nightmare, that would mean the floor, I guess she is insinuating the person who gave up their bed should be on the floor,

Oh, sorry, yes I understand now (not enough tea yet, clearly).

I'd go for calling her bluff tbh. Do you have a blow up bed?

I thought you were in the FOG with regards to your mother, that is why I asked. Your sense of obligation kicked in didn't it; that is why you asked your mother to visit at all?. Why do you want her to visit, examine your own reasons for that more closely. You have stated that she has to ruin Christmas, do you really want another one with all the associated emotional blackmail and dramas created by her own making?.

Also your Christmas last year was a lot happier precisely because she was at your siblings house. Also I would think that your sibling is far more favoured generally; I note the description of this person being the "bees knees".

You do not so much need valium so much as strengthening your too low boundaries with regards to your mother.

I don't understand: you'd like her to sleep on a sofa/camp bed in the sitting room?

You need to decide whether you're willing to accommodate her wishes and tell her: she can then decide whether or not to stay.

no,she is welcome to sleep in a bed, sigh, my dd will have to toss a coin as to who sleeps on floor and whether there is space without my dm falling over them or one of them will sleep in sitting room.
it does sound like she doesnt want to come?

how do I strengthen my too low boundaries atilla?

My mother has been reincarnated as your mother.

I was never able to compete with the hospitality of my youngest brother and his perfect wife. (The middle siblings did not have to get stayed at as nearby.) At the end of the day, they could afford a bigger house, had fewer children and my lovely SIL was well brought up and polite.

At the end of the day, it is sharing the pain fairly with your siblings . It was not that good for my brother either.

My DM did not visit at all in the three years before she died.

(sorry - too many day's ends there)

thanks folks.
I will tell her, I will ask DD who is willing to change their sleeping arrangements and if not then tell DM the options

I think she is hoping DS will give up his bed, but he shares it with his GF so unlikely, and I want my DS at home, not sent out to GF's.

Right so she won't sleep on the floor and she can't have dd on the floor in the same room. So where does dd sleep then? Do you have anywhere else for dd to sleep?
More to the point why are you going around this loop? If you want her to come then have a face to face chat where you lay down how it will be, give her the chance to raise any gripes and see if they can be resolved. Once that's done you don't engage with any more nonsense. You either say No we already made that decision or If it doesn't suit you don't come.

How far away does she live ? Does she HAVE to sleep over ?

she wont drink and drive, and she will drink, no question.

mark my words dont let me turn into her when my kids are older, jeez

Well -then she can get a taxi if she needs to drink.

Why on earth would she want to sleep over if it is causing her so much angst already ?

good thinking, taxi

My mum tried something similar when we got guinea pigs. She kept saying that unless we put them in a "Guinea pig hotel " she wouldn't come for Christmas. We didn't and she still came.

Find number of local B&B - offer her the option of DD's bed with DD on the floor in the same room or she can go to the B&B or she can go elsewhere. Honestly, you don't have a guest room, so guests who want to stay have to 'make do' - she's being given her granddaughter's bed, getting grumpy because said granddaughter will (shock horror) need to sleep somewhere isn't really on.

oh just seen that she's close enough for a taxi, then taxi it is. Done.