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my mother, she has Form, She has started already, If I have to sleep on the floor I am not coming For Christmas

34 replies

NoahVale · 07/12/2015 10:19

Aaargh.
unlikely we would make her sleep on the floor anyway..
god Why does she have to ruin christmas.
last christmas was so much beter when she was at my sibling's.
then I forget and think , oh she is fun.
but my god i need the valium already

good mind to ring her and say, you Dont have to come, in the past we have had tears about the most minor things, with regard to christmas.
ffs

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NoahVale · 07/12/2015 10:52

oh yes, we had fuss aobut the hamster in a previous year

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NoahVale · 07/12/2015 10:54

you are all lovely and funny and wise, I feel better now

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wheelofapps · 07/12/2015 11:16

Ha ha re 'Guinea Pig Hotel' and fuss about Hamsters.

OP, you have all my sympathies.

After dd was born MIL offered to come up to 'help'.
Initially it was to be for the 5 days I was due to be in Hosp (planned C-Sec due to birth complications). When I said it might be easier for when baby was actually here (!) she insisted she couldn't travel by train to ours unless her sister was with her (good-o, the sister is nice...).

Then, due to lack of beds, MIL and sister had our double bed and H and I slept on an air bed on the floor, (after a C-sec and with back problems).

Offer her: Taxi, or B&B or Dd's bed (nice of Dd) with Dd on the floor in her own room on an airbed.

Then sit back and let her choose. Or not.
Do it in writing (by email/text/niceCard).

Good Luck - drama llamas don't change.

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ImperialBlether · 07/12/2015 11:24

God, wheel, they made you sleep on an airbed when you'd had a major operation and a new baby?! That's incredibly selfish of them.

OP, just say you'll pick her up on Christmas Day and pay for a taxi back.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/12/2015 12:44

"how do I strengthen my too low boundaries atilla?"

Start by saying no to her and properly examining your own relationship with your dysfunctional mother. Reading "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward is a good starting point too. Ask yourself why you are so conditioned by her.

Do not have her over for Christmas.

It is NOT your fault she is like this.

Tell me does she have any friends or does she rely mainly on you and your sibling for company?.

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NoahVale · 07/12/2015 13:04

she does have friends, I think she bullies them to do stuff too, she is busy, hates not having anything to do, i guess she might be depressed

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NoahVale · 07/12/2015 13:13

am now Itching to ask her if she actually wants to come

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AdoraBell · 07/12/2015 13:26

Wheel why did your DH allow that?

Noah what the others have said, give her the reasonable options and leave her make her choice.

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wheelofapps · 07/12/2015 16:52

Adora he is as bad as her. Had I known better the level of FOG I would have steered well clear (sorry to derail, OP).

What I have learned and try to practice is to abandon any hope of them 'changing / being reasonable'. I doesn't matter what I say or do (or don't) they will behave this way.

All I can do is state my own boundaries clearly (pref in writing so they cant deny / alter later) and sit back. To do that, you have to 'find' your boundaries, which is not simple if you've never built them up in a standard way. But it is worth working on.

I will look at Toxic Parents too, thanks.x