Partner making porn

[snetmums]

Going to be a quick post but...

You've been with said partner for around eighteen months .

He is a hobbyist/amateur photographer.

You've discovered that he has in the past, and occasionally still does, photographs and participate in porn images. (Mostly POV, or camera obviously set up on tripod).

Your partner claims you shouldn't be upset, as it's just 'acting'. He is in his late forties, all women in photos appear to be in mid twenties.

How would you deal with this? My instinct is to get away asap, or am I being a 'prude' as has been implied?

I'd feel uncomfortable. If my partner was showing his knob in any pictures or videos without me there I'd feel really jealous. And probably scratch the women's eyes out! If you don't feel okay with it, then I think you need to tell him. You're not over-reacting if you can't live with what he does. Some people just can't.
If you can then I think it's a bit weird. If he mentioned it before you started going out, then you knew. But if not, that's not fair. It's usually partners that are also involved with porn that can handle it.

Imperial Oh that dogging programme - how horrible was that woman to say she doesn't enjoy sex with just him?

How very.......icky.

And when you say 'participates' do you mean he puts his penis inside someone?

Run like the wind and never look back!

It's not acting. It's cheating.

Acting doesn't have horrible health implications for you.

God, what a twat.

If this is a serious question, get checked for everything and never see him again.

^ Perfectly seriously unfortunately!

DrGoggle- that made me chuckle.

Yes booked myself in for STD check.

Yes he sells some of them...or at least tries too lol.

But don't worry, it's all 'art'...

It doesnt matter what he's doing, but if its something you dont like or dont approve of - and he wont stop - then you have to leave him.

As it happens, sleeping with other women, watching/being in porn, lying about it, pretending its your problem, risking your health...is all reason enough IMO

He sells them?! OMFG where? Is he in the pictures or are they like centrefold things? My flesh is crawling here...

snetmums, did you have no inkling at all that this was going on?

I think keeping a major secret like that is enough to LTB

The nature of it makes it a double LTB for me.

I hate it when people accuse you of being narrow minded if you don't want to go along with their "thing". It's such a patronising and pathetic argument.

I think you know your answer don't you OP?

And I notice that you said you discovered this - did he not tell you?

The minimising of your feelings about it is almost as bad as the actually doing it IMO. Totally disrespectful.

I like how the age difference between him and the women is mentioned, as if that makes a difference!
If you're supposed to be in a monogamous relationship he's cheating on you. The rest is irrelevant really.
Or do you think him fucking other women is ok if it's for his hobby?
Very odd boundaries...

Quite obviously the OP doesn't think it's OK Fintan. What a helpful and supportive post that was

bloody hell - I would dump him faster than I could say the words. i am shocked you need to ask.

Dear God - Run. Fast. BitOut has it right.

Ew.
Participating.
Ew.

You shouldn't be upset?

You can be upset if you want to!

You can also leave him if you want to-I would!

You say he is a hobbyist/amateur he's screwing other women taking photographs of other women without your knowledge whilst your in a relationship and because he's pulling it off as "art" he thinks it's ok - WTF!

Where does he "find" these women - does he pay them?

Kick him out of your life

Blimey I can't imagine ANYONE putting up with this, unless they themselves are also in the Porn industry. It is seedy and disgusting. Not only that, but he is now trying to make you feel prudish, because you don't like it. So, he's a tramp and has zero respect for your feelings! Eww. RAISE. THE. BAR. Please don't put up with this guys utter bullshit. You deserve so much more.

"I'd think it was really seedy and depressing. A bit like those people who were on that Channel 4 programme about dogging."

They're not even wearing dog masks in that photograph either; one's a cat and the bloke looks like a shrew or something. Good choice from the animal kingdom mate; pick the shrew mask!

He's a pig. And he should have told you about it at the beginning of the relationship so that you could make an informed choice about whether or not you were ok being with someone involved in this. Not being forthcoming and doing this behind your back (and having the nerve to criticize you when you are not happy about it!) is completely vile. I'd LTB.

The reason you didn't know is because he knew it was not within the boundaries of your relationship.

So he lied by omission because what he wanted to do was more important than your boundaries are to him.

I'd run a mile.

Thankyou for all the replies. Will answer once I have a bit more time. Glad I am not the only one who is repulsed by this!

Yuck. I can imagine it did make you feel physically ill. 'Acting'. Now I've heard it all.

Before you run, kick him in the balls....twice.

Am stunned he thinks this is ok.