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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you read this text?

71 replies

Anon90865 · 08/10/2015 15:51

So if you had meet someone very special but they were in a unhappy relationship and was planning to leave before starting something up with you, but then hadn't been in contact at all with you for over a week then sent you this what would you think it means?

I think we need to have a chat, I haven't been avoiding you just had some shit news at the start of last week, that changed my perspective on things and I've needed time to think everything through.
When are you free?

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 08/10/2015 15:53

I would think that they want to speak to you face to face because they care about you.
Don't overthink it until you have seen them.

Spartans · 08/10/2015 15:54

I would think they had no intention of leaving their 'unhappy' relationship but we're hoping you will meet up and be so I love with them that you sleep with them anyway.

Thefuckinggrinch · 08/10/2015 15:57

I would see what they had to say but make sure I kept my clothes on and my hands to myself until I KNEW for sure that they were single.

twirlypoo · 08/10/2015 15:57

What Spartans said ^

I suspect they are going to give you a son story about how they can't leave but that they love you, blah blah blah.... And hope that you will be so over come they can have their cake and eat it too. Sorry Flowers

twirlypoo · 08/10/2015 15:58

Sob not son! Bloody fat fingers!

choli · 08/10/2015 15:58

I would think they are going to come up with some tragic excuse why they can't leave the relationship - serious illness in the partner or child. But they will still be able to see you on the down low.

Tiggeryoubastard · 08/10/2015 15:58

Yep, exactly what Spartans said. Furthermore, they're playing the sympathy card to get said shag. Total scumbag.

Vixxfacee · 08/10/2015 15:58

I would think they were about to tell me a big lie about a sick parent, depressed wife or a baby on the way. That they really care about me an if I felt the same I'd hang around until sick parent is better, wife is no longer depressed etc.

DarkRosaleen · 08/10/2015 15:58

Well I wouldn't meet or text anyone still with their wife.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2015 16:01

I'd walk away now from this disaster of a relationship in the making before you get even further emotionally overinvested.

Flaming0pie · 08/10/2015 16:02

^^what Spartans said. Sorry. Best that you find someone who is already available imho.

Spartans · 08/10/2015 16:02

And I wouldn't respond. But then I wouldn't date anyone who was willing to leave their partner for me. If you are unhappy, you should leave. Not wait until the next person is lined up and waiting. Just my personal opinion though

OurBlanche · 08/10/2015 16:03

2 things:

  1. the shit thing makes it impossible for him to leave and he will discuss it with you face to face. Which is better than just pissing off without so much as a word!
  1. the shit thing has made him realise that life is too short and he needs to make changes in his life, that may or may not involve you.

Either way, you won't know until you have spoken to him. You can't pre-judge what will happen, just don't get set on any one outcome.

Good luck, whatever happens.

Offred · 08/10/2015 16:04

Yep, I'd think I was about to get fobbed off with a sob story and either completely discarded or manipulated into sex.

I think really though you should use this opportunity of no contact to decide 'fuck, what was I thinking?' And run a million miles in the opposite direction from the creepy married script following weirdo who wants you to play along in his ego fantasy...

CainInThePunting · 08/10/2015 16:04

I'm going to go against the current here and say that they are not after a sympathy shag but are going to let you down gently. It's a face to face meeting to explain why, in a kindly way.

Perhaps I'm just naive.

Iusedtobeapenguin · 08/10/2015 16:28

Well it's impossible to know what it means exactly but I would want to text back something like "No problem, let me know when you have finished things properly with (whoever) and I will meet up with you then - I don't want to be the OW'

Iusedtobeapenguin · 08/10/2015 16:33

But just as some food for thought op if he is in an unhappy relationship, why hasn't he finished it before? There are 3 options IMO:

  1. He is unhappy with her but is too spineless to be single so needs to line a new one up before dumping the previous one...
  2. He is unhappy with her but is comfortable with her for whatever reason so wants to reel you in as his OW
  3. He is not unhappy with her at all and still wants to reel you in as his OW.

Heads up - any man worth the effort will end an 'unhappy relationship' before sniffing around for a new one.

TheoriginalLEM · 08/10/2015 16:35

id run!!

ILiveAtTheBeach · 08/10/2015 16:35

Agree with Spartan. I would wager he is going to make up some excuse as to why he can't leave his wife, and then hope to get you into bed anyway. Meet him with your eyes wide open. Men often have affairs. They leave their wives far less! After all, why get rid of the person who (usually) does the lions share of all the work at home? And please remember, that most men do not associate sex with love (like women normally do), they can be quite detached. I hope I am wrong. Good luck.

extrastrongblackcoffee · 08/10/2015 16:40

Well clearly if you're aware he was planning on leaving his wife for you, you were, at the very least, having an emotional affair. Not a great start, regardless of how "special" you think he is. I don't mean to sound harsh, I just have a massive problem with people getting involved with other people's partners. Even if they're in an unhappy relationship. They should sort that out before starting something else with someone else imo.

Back to the original question- I think it sounds as though he might end things. Sorry.

Original poster
Anon90865 · 08/10/2015 16:43

Yes I'm presuming it's to end things!

Though worrying about what in earth the shit news could be, that really does sound worrying

OP posts:
StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/10/2015 16:46

I'd also expect some kind of "I want us to be together but..." Either an unexpected pregnancy, ill family member, something which would prevent him from leaving his current relationship. He could be prepping you/feeling you out to be an OW. Or he could be letting you down face to face. Or he could turn round, tell you he has left her and start a relationship with you.

Fwiw. My DH was in an unhappy relationship when we met, we liked each other and were friendly, but we didn't even swap phone numbers until after they'd split up. His unhappy relationship is none of your business, he becomes your business when he is free, single and available to start a relationship with you. If he wants to be in an healthy, happy, honest relationship with you, he will be.

cedricsneer · 08/10/2015 16:49

Careful, sounds like you are already investing in his sob story, which sounds like you are priming yourself to believe it and expect some crumbs while he gets to stay with his wife whilst you "comfort" him.

Shutthatdoor · 08/10/2015 16:49

Well I wouldn't meet or text anyone still with their wife.

^ this

lorelei9 · 08/10/2015 16:54

that just means something like what Spartan said

don't bother meeting, what has the shit news got to do with you?