Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you read this text?

71 replies

Anon90865 · 08/10/2015 15:51

So if you had meet someone very special but they were in a unhappy relationship and was planning to leave before starting something up with you, but then hadn't been in contact at all with you for over a week then sent you this what would you think it means?

I think we need to have a chat, I haven't been avoiding you just had some shit news at the start of last week, that changed my perspective on things and I've needed time to think everything through.
When are you free?

OP posts:
ShowMeSaturn · 08/10/2015 16:56

I'd not allow myself to become further involved with someone who's already expressed an interest in being emotionally involved with me .... whilst they're still emotionally involved with their current partner.

But you already think he's 'someone special' at this stage, so you're going to let him 'cry on your shoulder' anyway.

And if you've never been there before, waiting for someone to exit their current relationship before jumping in with you takes years before they're over them. Be prepared for lots of to-ing and fro-ing between you and his proposed ex, in all definitions.

See you on the Relationships board in a few weeks when it all goes bosoms up! ...

Fairenuff · 08/10/2015 16:57

The shit news will be made up so don't worry yourself about it too much.

Duckdeamon · 08/10/2015 16:59

S/he doesn't sound "very special" to me: they sound like a standard ol' cheater who wants to manipulate you before they tell you they're staying with their partner.

PrincessTooty · 08/10/2015 17:02

I would think only a unthinking wanker would send a text like that. Its a bit dramatic and self absorbed. Presumably he wants you to agonise over its meaning.

I couldn't be arsed getting involved with someone with such recent baggage. I'd reply
no worries, I've been having a think myself and have realized that I want to stay single for a while so I want to stop all communication with you. I trust you will respect my wishes. There is no need to reply to this text. Best wishes for the future

Then I'd block his number and emails and I'd get on with enjoying my life.

JessicaTreuhaft · 08/10/2015 17:02

I would agree with all of the above and would just add that he probably has not been in touch for a week because he wants to see if you will still dance to his tune. This is not mulling time, it will have been deliberate waiting out time. People like this love to know they have the power.

NumbBlaseCold · 08/10/2015 17:04

I would think they aren't going to leave and that I would have to accept that they won't and move on or continue hoping and being the side bit.

I would also wonder how truly unhappy it could be if they wouldn't leave and if they could lie and betray their spouse, why not me?

I would read it as a '"get out now" card.

If I was willing to be with a cheat that was, which i would not.

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 08/10/2015 17:11

It will be a sob story, their child or partner has a serious illness which means he can't leave.

You've shagged him already haven't you?

NerrSnerr · 08/10/2015 17:13

It's a sob story and they'll have to stay with their spouse and they want you to feel sorry for them and shag them (again).

pictish · 08/10/2015 17:13

Yep...I reckon it's gonna be some bullshit to finish things on, or keep you on the side, while he stays with his current partner. Either way, he's not leaving her for you.

ToTheGups · 08/10/2015 18:33

I would guess he has a dramatic reason that he can't leave his wife but can't imagine his life without you and wants to keep seeing you until the dramatic excuse resolves. it never will

perfumedlife · 08/10/2015 18:37

God no wonder cheaters get away with it...

tableanadchairs · 08/10/2015 18:39

just reply to text "who is this?*. then block and delete

anothernumberone · 08/10/2015 18:41

I would think he was a shit for wanting to have another relationship lined up before he finished the last one and I would not care what the text said. Sorry.

TheMarxistMinx · 08/10/2015 18:55

This person can't be that important to you, otherwise you would ask them and not a bunch of people on the internet. How are we to know what shit news this is.

As for him/her being a shit/cheater/twat whatever. Yes people do have shit marriages and yes they opt to stay in them for various reasons.

I would go, and I would listen. What I would do after that would very much depend upon what I was told.

NumbBlaseCold · 08/10/2015 19:03

This person can't be that important to you, otherwise you would ask them and not a bunch of people on the internet

Agreed.

And you can't be that important to then if they've been ignoring you for a week and a half.

dangerrabbit · 08/10/2015 20:42

Block and delete.

LuluJakey1 · 08/10/2015 22:10

a) He HAS been avoiding you
b) The 'shit news' is a reason he will be staying with her
c) He is hoping you will shag him anyway and be his bit on the side. He wants to continue to cheat on her.

Walk away, do not listen to him, never ever look back.

Kellyxxxx14 · 08/10/2015 22:28

He will give you some bull how he can't leave his relationship.
Tell you how much he wants you etc how he wishes you could be a couple.
You will sleep with him and he will bugger off and ignore you then come out with some bullshit how he couldn't keep doing this and how you can't see each other again.
So so predictable

Morganly · 08/10/2015 22:34

If they were in a relationship but had been in contact with you regularly, lining you up for the next shag once they'd dumped the old one, I would think they were a lying, cheating shit and that you were complicit in the lying and cheating. Stopping contact with you for a week was probably the most honourable thing that have done. Pity it didn't last.

Morganly · 08/10/2015 22:42

Amazing how these guys endure their "unhappy relationships" for so long until a potential shag comes along.

lighteningirl · 08/10/2015 22:48

He has not been in touch for a week because he wanted to keep you waiting and see if you would dance to his tune

Keep reading this keep saying this. I so wish someone had said this too me before I wasted time on a man who was 'in the middle of separating' also known as having his cake and eating it. He is not available and he is not worth having even if he is.

lighteningirl · 08/10/2015 22:52

Ignore everyone saying it's just about a shag it isn't this is a man who gets off on the emotional highs and lows that's why he provokes such intense feelings reducing it to a shag won't seem believable to you because he is painting himself as a suffering hero don't buy into this if he had any care for you (or his partner) he would have instantly resolved the situation not kept you hanging.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2015 06:22

I think you know what it means

There'll be a load of clichés. I suggest you play bullshit bingo with the following (I'm sure others will come up with more)

  • it isn't you, it's me
  • I wish we'd met 10 years ago
  • if it weren't for this bad news...
  • do you fancy one for old times sake?
  • I'm sorry but I feel like I owe you an honest explanation

Sorry if that sounds glib but I hope it helps you to see him for what he is when he's coming out with his lies.

Spartans · 09/10/2015 06:40

The shit news will be made up so don't worry yourself about it too much.

This ^

JessicaTreuhaft · 09/10/2015 07:06

Bitoutifpractice how about....
'If it were just about who I wanted.....' probably accompanied by a sad look and a well placed hand.
'We could just do it once to get it out of our systems''
'I was thinking about you the whole time' (y'know while I was ignoring you )
'I am going to be sleeping in the spare room from now on'

Swipe left for the next trending thread