Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone Up? My gut instinct has kicked off overtime ....

62 replies

MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 01:47

To cut a long and boring story cut very short, can anyone think of a reason why my OH would be taking a selfie of himself in the downstairs bathroom? I found it in his deleted pics box of his online storage.

He is fully dressed, it is just of his head and shoulders, its a little on-line dating-ish. My gut instinct is kicking in a really bad way, I just cannot think of any other reason why he would take a photo in such a secretive way.

I "restored" the pic and it was taken almost two months ago. He has been quite distant and I have asked him if something is going on and he has denied it.

Devastated...

OP posts:
ToastedOrFresh · 07/10/2015 01:58

Were you looking for it ? It sounds like you were digging ....

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:02

No, wasn't digging at all.

We have a dropbox account each and I was attempting to move some pics of mine from his account into mine. I had taken some photos at the weekend on his phone and that uploaded into his dropbox. My phone uploads to my account. I am not very IT-friendly and have got in a right pickle moving pics and creating folders.

So, I was on his account, deleted a batch by mistake instead of moving them into a new folder. Other than the pics I had just put in there it was the only photo in there.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2015 02:04

Hmm. Well lots of perfectly innocent sites require a profile picture.

Is there a reason why you were looking?

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:11

I wasn't looking, I was moving back files I had put in the trash section by mistake.

One of my FB friends who is lot more savvy than me has sent me a link to doing a google image search using the picture. No results came back, I honestly don't know whether that is good or bad.

I don't think it would be an ID photo as the angle is wrong. He also has standard id pics saved on his laptop for that type of thing anyway.

It is def a dating profile pic or to have been texted to somebody. From the date of the pic, I would have been at work. It was the evening as I can tell the hallway light is switched on.

OP posts:
anklebitersmum · 07/10/2015 02:15

Hmmm..the only thing that sets off the spidey-senses here is that it was taken (secretively??) in the downstairs bathroom Confused

I've taken and deleted a few entirely innocent selfie-type photos that I suppose could have been misconstrued as 'profile-ish' but never in the bathroom.

There must be something else beyond this photo that's triggered this immediate "oh shit" reaction MissPiggy&Kermit'slovechild

FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 02:19

My friend does a lot of selfies to put on facebook. It's a big leap to think a deleted photo would mean he is cheating or trying to cheat, has he previous form or is there any particular reason other than being a little distant lately? It's hard to gauge either way when we don't know your dh

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:22

Ironically, I asked him only last night if he was seeing someone else because my gut instinct has been kicking in for a while, a long time really if I am honest. His response, was "don't be so stupid" (in a jokey way).

We have been together almost ten years, and if I am honest, I have suspected something going on for a lot of that time. That makes me sound like a total walkover, but I grew up in a family where my dad had another "secret" family (with kids) and my ex was abusive. What I am trying to say is that when you have that type of experience you find it hard to trust anyone.

If it was an innocent pic he would have taken it somewhere else. The fact it is in the bathroom, where no one could see him doing it has got my gut instinct in overdrive.

He is leaving at 4am for an all day meeting in Berkshire. He has had a few business trips over the last few months. I am wondering now if they were actually business trips. My brain has gone into complete overdrive.

OP posts:
UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/10/2015 02:26

You know him, OP - is he the kind of guy who takes selfies all the time for Fb etc? Does it send your spidey senses tingling for a reason?

Google search not coming back with anything? I don't know. I'm not sure, but I reckon dating sites aren't googleable like that for good reason! Or could have been sent to someone privately?

I don't know. DH gets me to take his pics /consults me on pics he's going to upload on t'interweb.

I do know that judging from MN threads, an awful lot blokes are cheating! It makes me wonder sometimes.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/10/2015 02:27

xpost. sorry OP. That does sound bad Sad

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:31

He has form.

When he was married to his ex wife he used to speak to a girl in a chat room and he faked a business trip to meet up with her for two days.

Three years later he had an affair with a work colleague which was when his marriage split up.

I accused him of an emotional affair with his work colleague in the last six months, as he was always talking about her. In hindsight I am wondering if this was a deliberate smokescreen for what was really going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:32

He never, ever puts selfies on social media. Ever.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/10/2015 02:42

Can you get hold of his phone or tablet/laptop?

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:46

I am on his laptop now, I have his windows login. His mobile is upstairs with him, plugged in to charge.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:46

Sorry, just to add that he mostly uses his phone as it is a Windows phone and very rarely uses the laptop nowadays.

OP posts:
FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 02:48

If you doubt where he is going, I remember reading a very informative thread on mn ages back about how to track someone using their mobile using tracking apps. Something like, you put your phone on silent, turn on the gps and tracking app and leave the phone in the car hidden and it pin points the locations the driver travels to. It might verify if he is going to the places he says for work or if he is going to another location frequently. On that thread, the op suspected her dp of cheating and other posters who were very tech savvy were able to give her some good tips on how to do it.

FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 02:51

Just thought, can you do an online log on for mobile webtexts/check itemised calls to show any previous numbers that are showing up regularly. I know I can do that with my mobile provider. Has he a credit card, statements (show purchases/locations on dates he is away)

FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 02:54

Not sure if it is the same thread but advance search 'Tracking Devices? Anyone know about them?' in relationships and you might get some useful tips

Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:57

Have just vomited..

He is leaving in an hour and a half, kids are up at seven. I am working from 1pm to 9pm tomorrow. Not had any sleep yet. My brain is on overdrive.

Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild · 07/10/2015 02:58

Starting to feel as if I have been fed the script ...

OP posts:
FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 03:06

He hasn't actually been proven to have lied yet so are you sure you need to be worried, could it just be panic? Where is he going in an hour and a half?

janaus · 07/10/2015 03:14

Does he have an iphone? It has Location Services, will show where phone has been recently.

FeelsLikeHome123 · 07/10/2015 03:18

Does he have a satnav, would his previous locations or any new addresses be listed. Any new receipts/spending habits. Could it have been for a new passport photo or membership somewhere?

DifferentCats · 07/10/2015 03:39

You can tell all of this just from a photograph?

anklebitersmum · 07/10/2015 04:27

I think I would take a step back for a moment, given not just his history but yours.

Obviously you are twitchy about this seemingly odd photo and the fact that he has given you cause for concern with a colleague recently but don't let this spiral out of all control until you have a few more facts and figures, and you won't get anywhere running about like a headless chicken on his laptop.

Slow down, get a Brew and breathe. Calm down.

Whatever you're doing, be it mentally re-tracing, snooping or asking questions, you can't be effective or objective whilst you're all hyped up-and you may not even have cause to even be that.

Don't get me wrong..here and supportive but it seems from your last post you are freaking out a bit Flowers and another Brew

GaryBaldy · 07/10/2015 04:34

Ok - innocent suggestions

LinkedIn profile pic
Needs a new ID pic for work and was practising a pose to disguise receding hair / double chin etc
Recruitment agencies sometimes add a photo to a CV

^^Just to counteract the automatic assumption that there is something amiss.

Ultimately you know him best and if your spidey senses are telling you something may be wrong then listen to them. OP I hope it is nothing though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread