Anyone Up? My gut instinct has kicked off overtime ....

[MissPiggyandKermitsLoveChild]

To cut a long and boring story cut very short, can anyone think of a reason why my OH would be taking a selfie of himself in the downstairs bathroom? I found it in his deleted pics box of his online storage.

He is fully dressed, it is just of his head and shoulders, its a little on-line dating-ish. My gut instinct is kicking in a really bad way, I just cannot think of any other reason why he would take a photo in such a secretive way.

I "restored" the pic and it was taken almost two months ago. He has been quite distant and I have asked him if something is going on and he has denied it.

Devastated...

Very concerned to know about his past and that you married him presumably knowing about all this? 1, men/people like this do not change and 2, he may see your marrying him with that knowledge as your having OK'd him doing it in future too.

iyswim

You took him on knowing he has terrible morals, so he's like, well you knew what I was like.

I am so sorry it has come to this and I hope you can gather yourself and manage to do what is right for you. He is almost definitely lying about the photo IMHO, what that tells you is another matter but it certainly says that he has stuff to hide.

FWIW my DP occasionally takes selfies when he thinks he looks particularly handsome - when he has a suit on for example. Sometimes he'll send them to me, but sometimes when I'm looking through pics I see some of him that I haven't seen before. I do the same, if I think I look particularly nice I might take a photo and then realise that actually I look old and haggered and delete it!

It could be that your H saw himself in the bathroom mirror and thought "ooh yeah, looking hot!", decided to preserve it for posterity and then felt like a dick and deleted it. Perhaps he realised that a nice photo of him with a bottle of Harpic and a box of Tampax in the background wouldn't look great on LinkedIn!

Your H's past (and your own) are making this seem like a big deal. I think you need to step back from the photo and concentrate on the other things that have made you suspicious - the being distant, mentionitis with this woman at work, business trips that don't add up etc.

It sounds like he is quite careless with his cheating, having been caught out before, so this should help you. If he's arrogant enough to cheat and think he'll pull the wool over your eyes he probably hasn't deleted his satnav history and location services etc. The key will be getting to have a look before he clocks onto you. The fact that he isn't being secretive with his phone could be a good sign, or it could just mean that he's deleting any messages or has a separate phone. However, if he's taking it with him it could still help you.

"it was taken by accident. Don't really know what to make of that response to be honest."

Nor would I.

Because I just don't see why you'd be 'accidentally' waving your phone around in the bathroom, with the camera selected, and take a well framed in focus picture.

I have to admit, I usually read threads like this, and think, yep, he's cheating. I really don't see anything here to be particularly suspicious about though. It is a big leap to go from finding a random selfie, to thinking he must be cheating. Is there more to it, or is it possible you are hypersensitive due to your/his background?

I do understand why you're suspicious OP. Particularly as his immediate response was it was taken 'by accident' when it sounds from what you've said like it was a clearly posed picture.

It doesn't necessarily mean that he is cheating though. It's a really difficult one to call. I get a bit annoyed sometimes on MN that people are always so quick to say 'trust your instincts'. Of course you should, and they're often right, but if you have experienced certain things in your past then they aren't always right. I speak from experience - I grew up with a pretty EA Dad who fucked off with one of my mother's friends and also witnessed cheating stepfather - this has massively informed my opinions of men and I have found myself not trusting every OH I've ever had. For no good reason other than my "instincts" (but in reality not my actual instincts, but my experiences as a child) have told me to. So if I posted on MN saying I felt suspicious about my OH but had no reason to do so other than instinct, and then posters replied saying I should trust my gut, they would actually be giving me bad advice as in my case my gut is not always particularly reliable.

Anyway, sorry for essay - I'm not saying that's the case with you at all, and as I've already said I would be suspicious in your circumstances based on the evidence, and on the fact you know he's cheated on other women before.

It's so hard though, if you've asked him and he's denied it and you don't have anything else to go on but this picture.

Could the bathroom selfie just have been a vain moment? If I'd taken a selfie out of vanity and was then confronted with it, I'd be embarrassed and would say it was accidental or come up with a super flaky explanation.

Not read all the posts, but was just thinking back to a news item yesterday where, if you put the image into googles search engine, it will find all the web sites where the pic is being used. Hope this helps.

sorry, just read that you reverse searched the image on google. If that did not throw anything up, you have little to go on, except the way he has been behaving towards you lately, which is more telling. Better to move on to why his behaviour has changed? That he would find harder to excuse perhaps and could make him address it.

Sorry OP but unless you have evidence that he's on dating sites I think your reaction is way OTT.

I have taken selfies in the bathroom before and deleted them. No sinister reason behind it just that I thought I would have a go to see how they turned out. The bathroom so nobody caught me doing something so daft.

I deleted all mine because they looked stupid.

If my husband had poked around in my deleted photos and asked me why I wouldn't have had a good explanation either.

So maybe it's nothing.

However if your gut instinct is that something is wrong don't ignore it, especially given his past history.

The lying isn't helping matters. I'd not trust that explanation either.

I took a profile pic in the bathroom for LinkedIn, purely because the lighting is better.

His response is rubbish. An accidental photo would be off looking or blurry.

But his previous form would have me always wondering about his potential to cheat anyway.

Where do you go from here? Are you going to try and check out if your guy is correct or give him the benefit of the doubt for now?