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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh constantly whinging about my job and everything else

65 replies

ThaiRice · 20/09/2015 20:04

I started my new job last Monday. Three 13 hour shifts a week.
He'd previously moaned that me working full time would mean more pressure on him to make dinner and packed lunches for everyone (3 nights a week Hmm ) so to help him out I did all the ironing the Sunday before my first shift and made 3 days worth of packed lunch. The next day off I had I did more washing and ironing and made more packed lunches so throughout the week he didn't need to make any. I also bought in easy stuff to cook like pizza and meat pies.
Today, he moaned that it's all so difficult for him, me working so many hours Shock

Now on my days off I do everyone's washing, everyone's drying, everyone's ironing, the whole weeks shopping, all the packed lunches for the week, dinner most nights a week, clean the bathrooms, Hoover the floors ... Nobody else does this stuff. He makes dinner 3 nights a week and empties the bin yet Hes got it so difficult??? This weekend he was supposed to be getting on with the bathroom upgrade yet he sits on battlefield for hours and then says he's 'ill' and can't do much? I can't remember the last time I had chance to play computer games.
When I ask if he would rather me work part time he says no as we need the money??? Yet he complains either way??!! Getting s bit sick of it, nothing is ever good enough.

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 20/09/2015 20:06

Then get rid, he's a stone around your neck

Stop making it so easy for him, he sounds a right lazy arse

OTheHugeManatee · 20/09/2015 20:07

Your problem is he's a lazy twat.

BoboChic · 20/09/2015 20:08

TBH I think that 2 x adults working FT with DC and no domestic help rather precludes a lot of DIY at the weekend.

OneBreathAfterAnother · 20/09/2015 20:08

Erm..You're making a rod for your own back. Presumably you both now work full time? So split the chores and tell him to quit his moaning. Seriously.

I'd like to spend all weekend on Battlefield. Or at least have the option too. Instead, I did all the stuff that needs doing. He has to be an adult. The longer you let him get away with doing nothing AND moaning at you, the longer it'll take for him to change. If he can. If he can't, he knows where the door is.

Or you can wait until you're burnt out and he's still not lifting a finger and moaning about how hard you make his life.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 20/09/2015 20:09

Do you bobo.

Even when one has eff all housework to do at the weekend because the other ones done it all?

BoboChic · 20/09/2015 20:11

Yep. Life cannot be all about work/chores/DIY.

AnyFucker · 20/09/2015 20:11

Another selfish pig enabled by a long-suffering woman

< sigh >

Original poster
ThaiRice · 20/09/2015 20:12

It's not just that, he's complaining about every little thing.
He moaned on at me for weeks about me getting a certain date off in October so we could go and see a band for his birthday. I put the request in but didn't hear anything for weeks. I did however secure dates off for our honeymoon next year and a holiday. He seemed unconcerned about these dates and went on and on about these October dates saying I obviously didn't care about his birthday etc etc Hmm I told him I'd put the requests in and that's all I could do! Anyway, a few days ago I found out that the requests had been approved - I'd got the dates off. When I told him I received a Luke warm response before he suggested we change our plans and do something on a different date instead!!! It's like he's just making my life difficult on purpose!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/09/2015 20:13

You do realise he has simply replaced his mummy with you don't you ?

BoboChic · 20/09/2015 20:13

You've got bigger problems than chores and DIY to sort.

newnamesamegame · 20/09/2015 20:14

Stop over-compensating for him. Why on earth is it incumbent upon you to do his ironing?

Original poster
ThaiRice · 20/09/2015 20:15

He was married for 15 years to a woman who didn't work but "kept a lovely house".
I think he misses it. Yet he'd certainly miss the money if I quit. I can't win.

OP posts:
ChunkyPickle · 20/09/2015 20:16

He knows how holiday requests work (assuming he doesn't work for himself) - he knows you have to wait - that's totally punishing you.

He needs to pull his weight - you are taking on too much and will either burn out or resent him (or both).

You are entitled to have a job, just like him. He isn't entitled to have a skivvy to plan his cooking, do his ironing and clean up after him, any more than you are - and he needs to deal with that - you are as entitled to him to spend the weekend playing computer games (I realise that's easier said than done)

Practically. Stop doing non-essential ironing, and all his ironing. He has arms.

Are your kids old enough to make their own lunches? Do they make sure their washing is in the baskets? Can they have a hoovering rota?

Everyone needs to pitch in.

bloodyteenagers · 20/09/2015 20:19

I would be very blunt with him.
Everything is split equally 50/50. No easy meals. No you prepping lunches when it's his days..no whining about its hard.
Or he can fuck off and live elsewhere were he will be 100% responsible for everything. Where weekends he won't have the luxury of gaming beciase he either has the children or catching up on his own ironing etc..

You aren't his mum.
You are supposed to be equals.
You are not his servant to run after him.
It's a partnership. And everything is equal.

bloodyteenagers · 20/09/2015 20:20

Oh and for starters he can fuck right off with the ironing. He wants somethin ironed, he does it. And whislt he is there he can iron whatever else is in the basket

eddielizzard · 20/09/2015 20:21

why are you marrying this child?

Original poster
ThaiRice · 20/09/2015 20:23

Thing is if I don't do the packed lunches he throws it in my face that he's looking after "my kids" (he's not their dad).
Last week he'd made pasta (after I had planned the full weeks meals and bought all the stuff in Hmm ) all he had to do was cook it. I asked him to save me some for when I got home (after a13 hour shift!) and guess what ... He forgot Angry he then went mental at ME for being upset about it!

OP posts:
squidzin · 20/09/2015 20:23

I was with an arse once. I'd bust myself helping him.

One time I lugged a big bag full of dusty old sculptures of his up a massive hill and dropped them off fir him. All he did was shout that I'd put the bag down too hard (I didn't, I was nackered).

I said
"That's it. I'm never helping you again, you are so ungrateful" and I didn't.

Stick up for yourself! Stop doing things for him.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/09/2015 20:23

I'm starting to understand what his last slave died ofwhy his previous wife left him.

squidzin · 20/09/2015 20:25

Stop doing anything for him. Do stuff for your children. Leave him to sort himself out.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/09/2015 20:26

I'm really not hearing any redeeming features.

Even if he's got an eight-inch tongue and can breathe through his ears I'm not sure it'd be worth putting up with this much whining bullshit.

lorelei9 · 20/09/2015 20:27

stop enabling him

stop cooking his food and cleaning his clothes, just do yours and DCs.

quick lesson there.

TheUrbaneFox · 20/09/2015 20:27

he wants it both ways doesn't he!!

He's doing less than half (given that 3 nights a week is less than half of 7) and yet still whining. So he has a sense of entitlement that somebody do all of this for him.

Why did his first marriage end? I'm wondering if he whined at the first wife for not earning? Even if that's not what ended their marriage....
He wants somebody else to give up their free time to do all of this stuff. I bet he also likes that there's money coming in.

ImperialBlether · 20/09/2015 20:28

Honeymoon? You're putting up with this man and you're not married and you don't have his children?

Why?

You do realise life doesn't have to be like this, don't you?

Twinklestein · 20/09/2015 20:30

Don't marry him. Unless you like being a slave.

You've simply added a third child, who is frankly rather spoilt and obnoxious.