Dh constantly whinging about my job and everything else

[ThaiRice]

I started my new job last Monday. Three 13 hour shifts a week.
He'd previously moaned that me working full time would mean more pressure on him to make dinner and packed lunches for everyone (3 nights a week ) so to help him out I did all the ironing the Sunday before my first shift and made 3 days worth of packed lunch. The next day off I had I did more washing and ironing and made more packed lunches so throughout the week he didn't need to make any. I also bought in easy stuff to cook like pizza and meat pies.
Today, he moaned that it's all so difficult for him, me working so many hours

Now on my days off I do everyone's washing, everyone's drying, everyone's ironing, the whole weeks shopping, all the packed lunches for the week, dinner most nights a week, clean the bathrooms, Hoover the floors ... Nobody else does this stuff. He makes dinner 3 nights a week and empties the bin yet Hes got it so difficult??? This weekend he was supposed to be getting on with the bathroom upgrade yet he sits on battlefield for hours and then says he's 'ill' and can't do much? I can't remember the last time I had chance to play computer games.
When I ask if he would rather me work part time he says no as we need the money??? Yet he complains either way??!! Getting s bit sick of it, nothing is ever good enough.

If anyone I was in a relationship with referred to my children as "YOUR kids" in that way, they would be out on their arse. We come as a package, you either enter the relationship wholeheartedly or not at all.

I don't see what you get from the relationship? A partner should be there to enhance your life, not drag you down.

I can understand that some people don't want to have to look after children who aren't theirs. Which is fine, but if that's the case they can't marry someone who has dependent kids already. He seems to resent your circumstances as a FT worker and mother OP, but he's chosen to get into a relationship with you knowing full well what they are. Basically he wants you to be something you aren't and is angry at you because of that.

cheesybaps "If anyone I was in a relationship with referred to my children as "YOUR kids" in that way, they would be out on their arse. We come as a package, you either enter the relationship wholeheartedly or not at all."

I take this view and I'm a childfree person who, when dating, would not date a man with kids. I don't see how the person you're dating can be seen as separate from their kids. It doesn't seem any way to conduct a relationship even when you don't live together, but when you do? Just not on.

Look ahead of you - a life, stretching out year after year after year after year, with this whiny petulant little shit of a man child??

Sounds like you and your children would be better off on your own and happy together rather you having to look after this additional child who is such a massive twat he doesn't even appreciate the fact he's got an awesome woman looking after him. YOU DESERVE TO BE TREASURED. This is such an unhealthy sounding mother-son relationship.

Kick that whiny little ungrateful shit to the curb before it's too late and you do something horrific like marry him.

he moaned that it's all so difficult for him, me working so many hours

And yet was it too difficult for you, with him working so many hours? No?

Funny that.

Please engage DIVORCE throttle forthwith. I am hoping of course that the bit about your honeymoon means you are not yet married but you did call him your DH

the pasta incidence - how on earth can someone 'forget' that they have a partner who has just been working for 13 hours and might be hungry??

Don't marry him. Just don't

Right from the off this is wrong!

"He'd previously moaned that me working full time would mean more pressure on him to make dinner and packed lunches for everyone (3 nights a week hmm ) so to help him out I did all the ironing the Sunday before my first shift and made 3 days worth of packed lunch."

WTAF do you mean there? You're not helping him out. This is work that you share, because it's your joint household.

And this:

"Thing is if I don't do the packed lunches he throws it in my face that he's looking after "my kids""

is seriously worrying. Do you DC realise how little he respects or considers them?

He's not just marrying you - he's marrying into a family and he has to grow up and realise that.

Don't marry this man. Please.

(And I wonder how your children feel about him? They must notice this attitude)

FFS, how many threads are you going to start about this man?

You start a thread about yet another example of his monumental selfishness, yet a unanimous LTB, then you disappear, namechange and start another one. I think your last nn was something like 'deardiary' or 'diarydiary' or something.

This man sounds awful and you have my sympathy, but these posters are taking time out of their days to offer you advice, which you then ignore, nc post again ad infinitum.

Why are you doing this? It's really rude and disrespectful to women who are trying to help you.

stops just short of calling troll on this poster

Run!

Manor might I remind you that no one posting threads on these boards is actually obliged to follow any advice they are given. Yes people are taking the time to reply but they aren't forced to - they obviously have the time free. Don't MNHQ often remind us not to give more than we can spare?

That this OP is not ready to end her relationship on mumsnet's say so isn't rude or disrespectful whatsoever. If she wants to namechange a hundred times to post a hundred threads about the same problem, that's up to her.

Having a go at her for not conducting her life according to your preferred schedule will only result in her being scared off from posting any more, therefore cutting off a source of support she might have had, if only other posters weren't so scathing.

If you haven't got the time for the OP then you refrain from posting. Don't speak for the rest of us thanks.

Pictish That might be how you see it - I see it differently.

there have been a few over the years and i used to get frustrated. i think the best thing is when you recognise yet another thread, just leave it alone and let someone else invest their time.

some people need validation that what they feel is right, that their current reality isn't normal. if she's met with positivity and kindness, she'll carry on posting and that's ultimately a good thing.

You get the relationship you settle for.

You have nobody to blame for this situation but yourself.

I'm afraid I agree with manor on this. OP has created three slightly different threads under three different names and not come back to any of them. It's a waste of the time and effort of people who have tried to offer the OP advice. If it's not trolling, it's as near as dammit.

See also box room poster and woman whose BF wants to work abroad but buy separate flats. They pop up every few weeks with the same problem, get given the same answers but still carry on asking and people spend time and energy trying to help them. Of course, we could all just think 'fuck you, I'm not helping' but that would be against the ethos of MN.

No-one expects a poster to follow their advice to the letter and diligently report back but to ignore everyone's efforts and keep trying in the hope of receiving one answer to justify their actions demeans the people who genuinely need advice, imo.