Thinking about leaving DP...

[NameChanged150]

Just that really. He is a brilliant Dad to our 3 children but we had been split up quite a while then decided to give it another go and had another baby who is now 1month. I feel like I miss my life before we got back together.

He hasn't done anything wrong and is very supportive and loving. I love him very much and I know this doesn't make sense but I think I mistook loving him with wanting to be with him. It might just be emotions with the new baby and it would be a massive upheaval for our 6yr old considering we've only just moved back in.

Should I give it more time? Or do I tell him how I feel?

[NameChanged150]

Just thought I'd let you know I've given the tenants who are currently in my house notice so that when I tell him I can move straight out.

I did this yesterday because I really can't do this I just can't.

[BeeRayKay]

hugs I think its time you spoke with him.

[Jux]

I think you're being pretty sensible. You're not in love with him, and staying with him would be cheating both of you, and the children. Without honesty and trust there is no relationship, so be as honest with him as you can (when you tell him); that way he may see a way to trusting you as a co-parent and you can both carve out individual lives as well as a shared-parenting life iyswim.

You made a mistake. You have tried, but it won't work. It is sad, very sad, but you both deserve better.

[NameChanged150]

I spoke to him last night and it was horrible but I just felt like I couldn't pretend I feel differently. I know my hormones might be running high but if I'm being totally honest with myself I didn't want him to begin with and I haven't for a long time. I wanted a perfect family of Mum, Dad and our children and he is such a good Dad that I thought I could adapt and accept it but I can't.

I explained all of this to him and he was upset not angry. He went and stayed at his Mum's house last night so I texted him this morning asking if he's OK and he said no. I don't know what I was expecting but I'm wondering what to do now.

Should I suggest me and the kids stay at my parents house or do I wait and see what he wants?

[Jux]

Don't do anything immediately. Let the dust settle, and see how things go. Don't commit to anything, don't make any promises. Now you need time. That goes for both of you.

[pocketsaviour]

The house you're living in now, is it rented, or does he own it?

How long til your tenants move out?

[MakeItACider]

Oh you poor thing, how incredibly difficult this must have all been for you.


First things first, the practical things. Now that you've given your tenants notice, let them know that if they find something else quickly they can end their agreement earlier - sometimes another place is vacant and ready to move in. That may work in their favour and be helpful for you.

If you can, let your DP continue to stay at his mums. You really want to avoid staying with your mum because you already know she won't be supportive, and thats the last thing you need.

Don't feel guilty. There's a lot of very nice, likeable men out there. It doesn't mean you have to be with them. You've been very strong and brave, and more importantly, honest. That is a GOOD thing, don't let anyone persuade you otherwise.

[NameChanged150]

He owns this house we're in and I own the other house that currently has tenants in so I gave them their 2 months notice on Monday. I never thought to let them know they can leave early so I'll do that.

He came back last night and was civil to me but was fussing over DC then he went back to his Mum's. I had wanted for us to talk to DC together at some point but then DS asked him why he wasn't staying here and he said because it's better when me and Mummy are just friends and our poor boy asked if we were best friends it was awful but DP said yes of course then he left.

I'm sorry to go on it's just so difficult.

[Fromparistoberlin73]

you have done the brave thing OP- just to say

I am in awe actually- as its sounds harrowingly hard

he deserves someone that loves him- as you deserve happiness

[NameChanged150]

I don't feel brave I feel heartless.

[pocketsaviour]

You are not heartless at all. You're doing a hard thing because it's the right thing.

It sounds like from what he said to your DS that perhaps he knows deep down this is for the best?

Far better for you to split now and remain amicable for the kids' sake than to stay together until you end up miserable and hating each other.

[Fromparistoberlin73]

if you did not feel bad you would be abnormal.

Its one hell of a pickle- but the simple fact is you would get more and more miserable as time progressed.

and as guilty as you feel, you have a new baby DD and even though it might have broken his heart to reconcile and then split again- a new wonderful life came out of it

ah bless- I want to split up with my DP but am too scared (he is a cunt) so this is enlightening how sensible your ex is taking it

[NameChanged150]

The tenants in my house have moved out this week so I'm going to try and get moved in this weekend/next week. DP understandably doesn't want to help with move but said he'll take DC and that's very helpful tbh. It frees up my family and friends to help with move.

I just wanted to thank everyone for offering their opinions and advice.