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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone out there ?

57 replies

Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 01:21

Long story short, dh has walked out. He has been unhappy for a long time,, he has depression and is generally frustrated by life. Out for a couple of Birthday drinks tonight and he started with the usual. Came home and hes gone. I feel number

OP posts:
Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 01:21
  • numb
OP posts:
textfan · 15/08/2015 01:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 01:23

His

OP posts:
BlankSpaceBaby7 · 15/08/2015 02:09

Where has he gone? Is he back?

textfan · 15/08/2015 02:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 15/08/2015 02:49

Human no advice sorry but thought I'd offer a bit of virtual hand holding. Any ideas where he may have gone?

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 15/08/2015 02:49

So sorry OP. Is it possible that he hasn't left but simply needed some space?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 04:13

He has just returned. Snarled at me. He has diagnosed depression. He is sitting in the kitchen with the lights off. I know that there is no going back from this, he said awfully things about our Dd and about me, this has been building for months. I know it's over. I'm so tired of it all.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 04:28

Is he taking any meds to alleviate depression?

It sounds as if there's a considerable backstory. Do you want to tell it now or grab some sleep and come back later today?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 04:39

Yes he is on meds. Back story is that he lives in a country ( UK ) he doesn't like, earns less than me, and feels that the world is against him. He is very materialistic, I'm not. I'm bankrolling his wanting to have a holiday home and going 4 Times a year, yet getting into debt. Its a big shitty message.

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 04:40

*mess Sorry, I've been awake over 24 hours.

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goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 04:51

What exactly are you bankrolling? Have you bought a holiday home in his home country or are you paying for him (and you and dd -is dd his child?) to visit his country 4 times a year?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 04:56

Holiday home in Spain both dc are his. Holiday home bought with his inheritance from his mum. I'm bankrolling the visits as he can only work pt. He isn't a bad person, but he is unhappy and I'm so tired of it all. Been together 24 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 04:57

UK is his home country, he just hates it

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goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 05:13

Do you go to Spain as a family? Is he fluent in Spanish? How long before he can retire there?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 05:31

We go as a family occasionally, dc are older. He can retire in 2 years, but I'm 20 years younger than him.
No, not fluent in Spanish .
Holiday home was bought on the understanding that we would rent it out. Then he changed the goal posts. He does that a lot.
When he wakes I'm going to tell him we need some time apart. I can't go on walking on eggshells.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 05:32

Thank you for listening godess

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 05:33

And other posters.

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goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 05:54

You're very welcome, honey.

He only part-time, gets to go on holiday 4 times a year, and will be free to retire to Spain in 2017. And he's depresssed?

Jeez, he should be buzzing with plans for retirement in that delightful country and spending every free moment perfecting his Spanish.

Instead of treading on eggshells around him, I suggest you start breaking a few over his head as it's about time he realised how lucky he's been, and is, to have you bankrolling him.

As for saying awful things about his dd and you... disgraceful! , Any man who badmouths their dc is not worthy of being a father.

goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 05:55

Duh! He only works part-time etc..

WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 06:16

I hope you manage to get some sleep. What an awful situation. Depression is terrible but it doesn't excuse certain behaviours.

Are your DCs young, teenagers or adults?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 06:17

He has just woken and informed me that his life is shit, because of me and dd and that I called him a liar ( I asked if he had the reference number for something I need to chase up, that's when he went ballistic) . So I told him to get another couple of hours sleep then pack a bag. He agreed ( sort of) . So that's it then.

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 06:19

Ds adult Dd teen. No sleep, head is whirling.

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goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 06:37

This just what you don't need at the weekend.

I wouldn't place too much reliance on him packing a bag and going quietly or otherwise.

I suppose it's too much to hope that he's got a friend or relative who'll take him off your hands for a few days?

WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 06:40

Oh, it sounds shit.

At least your children are a bit older, that makes it easier but what a nasty thing for him to say about your DD. You are right to call him out for that.

Are your children at home with you? Does your son live elsewhere? How are they?

He may not actually pack a bag and go quietly. Does he have any family that could come and get him?

Hang in there.