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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone out there ?

57 replies

Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 01:21

Long story short, dh has walked out. He has been unhappy for a long time,, he has depression and is generally frustrated by life. Out for a couple of Birthday drinks tonight and he started with the usual. Came home and hes gone. I feel number

OP posts:
Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 06:51

He has no other close family, and will probably not go quietly. I'm going get my finances in order. Like I said this has been building for months, he us on the waiting list for counselling, but there is no excuse for the way he speaks to Dd or myself. Twice in the past week he has shouted at me that he doesn't need anti d's , its all our fault.Our priorities are totally different, fgs he wants to buy a car in Spain to leave over there whilst insisting that we are fine with one car here, and then I have a 45 min walk to work on days he needs the car (2-3 Times a week).Its Madness !

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 06:53

Both dc are here. Both are now asleep. Dd loves her dad, I know he loves her too but he has zero patience . He is a deeply unhappy man who is starting to drag us all down with him.

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 06:58

It just dawned on me in the early hours of this morning that he has always been looking for the one "thing" that would make him happy. A van, a pickup truck, move to Ireland ( he changed his mind about that one) , change jobs ( walked out on 2) And every time I pick up the peices. Every. Fucking. Time.

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WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 07:03

He is obviously very unhappy, and his behaviour is incredibly selfish- making you walk whilst asking for a holiday car?! The way he treats you and your DD is inexcusable. Is he better with your DS?

Wishing you strength. Do you have any nearby family or friends who could come and sit with you during the day? Or maybe you just want it to be you and the children.

Definitely get your finances sorted ASAP. You might want to post a separate thread for advice on that if you need some.

LabradorMama · 15/08/2015 07:04

You can't make people like that happy. Counselling will be good for him. You're doing the right thing, though it must be really hard after so long together

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 07:11

He is fine with Ds. I'm just exhausted by it all. I also work ft & it's been affectingy performance at work.
At least I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I supported him as much as I could. But Labrador is spot on, you can't make other people happy.

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WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 07:27

It's very true- I grew up in a household with a depressed adult (my live in aunt). You can't make a depressed person happy. I'm glad that you are acknowledging, too often people get bogged down with guilt over something they can't control.

I'll be thinking of you today. Take some time for yourself this week. Flowers

goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 07:37

Your job is keeping the roof over his head so you get to drive the car to and from work - he walks or takes the bus to wherever he's got to go.

If he wants to buy a car in Spain and leave it at the holiday home, he can start saving now.

You've got to get tough or you'll crack under the strain of pleasing/appeasing/cajoling him.

rouxlebandit · 15/08/2015 08:09

Just adding my sympathy for you, OP. I haven't much experience or knowledge but it seems to me your husband has a mental health/psychiatric problem. I don't know if you can talk to your GP on his behalf - patient confidentiality and so on. But maybe you could see your GP on the grounds that it's affecting you and your children's health/wellbeing then they will advise on the possible ways to go with this. As I said, I haven't any experience so please ignore if what I've suggested is a load ob cobblers. You sound pretty strong but look after yourself and your kids. Flowers

goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 08:20

You don't need to be a shrink to diagnose a case of selfentitleditis and while anti-ds may lift his mood, they won't have any effect on his behaviour.

If you gave him the moon on a stick it wouldn't be long before he started hankering after the sun and all of the stars. Some people are never happy with what they've got, and he's one of them.

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 09:04

Back from a long dog walk. There nothing that can lift your mood like the look of panic on a Labradors face when he is pelting towards you and he realizes that he can't stop in time ! Noises in our bedroom now, hopefully he is packing a bag.

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 09:05

Thank you all for your kind words Flowers

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cozietoesie · 15/08/2015 09:19

I've experienced the sitting in a room with the lights off before and in that case it was a bad attack of the theatricals - just to make sure that I understood 'how upset the person was'.

Dogs are great for giving you perspective aren't they?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 09:33

No, not packing. Raging and woke the dc up. Has just admitted that we don't make each other happy.

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CalleighDoodle · 15/08/2015 09:40

Maybe time fornyou ro pack his bag fot him

WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 10:27

At least he has admitted that.

Angry Sad that he is not packing as you hoped. Maybe you would like to pack for him?

Does he have a place to go (I know you said no close family, but friends perhaps? Or a train ticket to his family if by 'close' you meant distance?)? Or will you/he have to book a hotel room or other accommodation?

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 11:51

Hotel room initially. He has agreed to a trial separation. I'm numb.

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goddessofsmallthings · 15/08/2015 13:49

I hope he's gone and you're having a blissful siesta.

TopOfTheCliff · 15/08/2015 14:02

How about sending him out to Spain for a month to look for work? He can practise his Spanish and get fit walking and cycling while he supports himself pays maintenance for his DC and saves up for a car.
Now you will tell me all the reasons why he is excused basic adult responsibilities because of his depression. I sniff a cocklodger!

Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 16:22

He's gone. I'm exhausted. Not a cocklodger, he worked ft until the last couple of years.

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Original poster
Humansatnav · 15/08/2015 16:23

No excuses because of his depression. He is on correct medication. He behaved like a twat.

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WishIWasWonderwoman · 15/08/2015 22:07

Hope you are okay Flowers

Have a good rest this today, you must be shattered.

Smilingforth · 15/08/2015 23:02

My thoughts are with you. Best of luckFlowers

Original poster
Humansatnav · 16/08/2015 09:44

Thank you.

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rouxlebandit · 16/08/2015 15:29

How are you today? Flowers

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