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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm sat in the bath looking for my self respect

54 replies

Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 00:39

OH has been messaging two other women and deleting it and lying about it. Facebook messaging and snap chat. I've messaged them both. I'm currently messaging one trying to get to the bottom of things. She's covering for him but I've called her bluff on a few things.
What has happened to my life?!

OP posts:
lordStrange · 05/07/2015 00:46

I don't know what happened. But your OH is a shit. I will guess that your joy in life will not be enhanced by contacting these OW. You are worth so much more than this. Really.

BastardGoDarkly · 05/07/2015 00:49

What a twat. What's he got to say about it?

tubbytimmy · 05/07/2015 00:49

How awful for you. Flowers

Are you planning on telling him you know, presumably one of the women will.

CainInThePunting · 05/07/2015 00:55

You are not the one with no apparent self-respect.
My advice to you would be to enjoy your bath, have a good nights sleep and in the morning, start covertly planning how you are going to leave the bastard.
One thing you could do to proactively, to ensure you do get some sleep is to clear out the joint account before bed.

Sleep well x

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 00:56

I already confronted him. I found out coz I went snooping (he has form). I confronted him straight away...first one earlier this week, he was deleting the messages as I was reading them.
This evening, asked about a woman he was sexting when we were going through a rough time. He swore on my life that he hadn't messaged her. I made him shown me his phone right then. He'd deleted the messages but there was facebook and snapchat activity on his Internet history. He said she had messaged him and he didn't have snapchat, had just changed his password.
She's just told me that they were snap chatting last week because I acted like I knew. Not sure how to play this one in the morning. He's fast asleep

OP posts:
Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 00:57

There was no water in the bath just to be more pathetic.
We have no joint account, he has everything.
But I will have our DS

OP posts:
GirlDownUnder · 05/07/2015 01:05

So everyone already knows he's a cheat and a liar - do you still need him to confess?

Is there another room you can sleep in?

Please stop hurting yourself by messaging other people. Please go kiss your DS and try and sleep.

In the morning start planning your new life - a better one without him.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 01:12

I don't want to sleep on the sofa. I want to sleep in my bed and him fuck off. There's been so much of this in our relationship, I need to finally get some balls and put a stop to it.
When I confronted him earlier he actually asked why I was trying to ruin things when we had been getting on so well recently. Utter bastard

OP posts:
GirlDownUnder · 05/07/2015 01:27

The reasons he can ask you stupid questions are the same as the reasons he gave himself permission to cheat - because he's selfish, deluded, and weak. I'm sure he wouldn't have considered you 'getting on well' if it'd been you getting your jollies outside the relationship.

Make tonight the last night he sleeps in your bed, and I reckon sleeping solo on the sofa is a better bet than lying down next to a looser.

Keep your anger. Put you and DS first from now on. You don't deserve him.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 02:05

Oh my god, just told him I knew about the snap chat, he said he hadn't done it..I gave him evidence. He said we'll talk tomorrow. I wonder what hilarious lie he will come up with overnight.

OP posts:
Offred · 05/07/2015 02:48

Don't let him carry on dictating this. Tell him you will talk when you say you will. If he won't talk right now he can fuck off somewhere else.

saltnpepa · 05/07/2015 06:25

I'm sorry but this man does not love you, or your DS, I expect he has several women lined up for when this finishes. You'll be surprised how quickly your feelings of self respect will return as soon as you leave him.

Vivacia · 05/07/2015 06:27

Don't get distracted by the drama of catching him out and proving him wrong. Stop wasting time looking for evidence and start making your plans.

something2say · 05/07/2015 06:53

I guess it's important whether you look for him to admit it or not. If he won't, if he stands there in front of you lying to your face, then my advice would be to terminate the conversation then and there.

It's really about practicalities now. Splitting, finances, childcare and so on. And there is going to be a massive sense of peace of mind coming your way. You are getting rid of someone who brings you nothing but pain.

I'd also stop messaging with the women because you don't need to know any more than what you already know. He's done it, end of. Do not lose your dignity by carrying on conversing with his cheating partners.

X

onemorerose · 05/07/2015 08:45

It does seem that you already know everything but I think you are hoping for him to step up and at least admit it. What will you do if he does? What will you do if he doesn't?
Sorry you are going through this.

afreshstartplease · 05/07/2015 08:51

Op how are you this morning?

Sickoffrozen · 05/07/2015 09:08

You only get one life Lula and you are currently wasting yours with a loser.

It's time for action not words.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 09:14

Urgh I'm so tired I don't know what to think. I got up at 7 with the baby. He's only just got up.
So the OW told me they've been talking but it's been innocent. I actually believe her. He's still lied though. He flirts with a lot of women but this is the only one I've ever asking him to stop speaking to because I caught him sexting her when we had a break

OP posts:
Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 09:15

He doesn't even like me enough to stop talking to someone who has no place in his life. And clearly thinks I'm stupid enough to lie about it.

OP posts:
allyjay · 05/07/2015 09:16

Seriously, why are you still with this dickhead? He was the one who was taking the piss when you were heavily pregnant and going out til all hours with other women wasn't he? He has treated you like shit throughout your relationship! Get rid.

nearlyhadenough · 05/07/2015 09:16

Lula you sound just like me - 12 years ago.

I am still with him...... He is still lying, he is still playing games with me. I am only now seeing it. I wish I had not let him back into my life all those years ago (he had left for another woman - not that he admitted that at the time, I found out after he returned).

I am gathering the strength to leave, please do the same and find some peace for you and your DS.

Sickoffrozen · 05/07/2015 09:41

Lula - he thinks you are stupid enough to keep turning a blind eye and forgiving him and he is right!

Reward bad behaviour and you can't be surprised when it continues.

You need to take control of this.

Read nearlyhadenough post and you will see yourself in 12
Years if you are not careful. Don't waste those 12 years. Men like this never ever change.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 10:40

We sat down to talk. He broke up with me. Devestated

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/07/2015 10:46

The relationship has ended. He didn't break up with you there really wasn't any point in delaying the inevitable. Don't allow him any semblance of control when he has undermined your trust and lied repeatedly.

saltnpepa · 05/07/2015 10:55

He broke up with you to keep you chasing and begging him. None of us would touch him with a barge pole so why do you think this is what you deserve. Devastated? What by? he was never yours to start with. He is a waste of space, let him ruin someone elses life.