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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm sat in the bath looking for my self respect

54 replies

Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 00:39

OH has been messaging two other women and deleting it and lying about it. Facebook messaging and snap chat. I've messaged them both. I'm currently messaging one trying to get to the bottom of things. She's covering for him but I've called her bluff on a few things.
What has happened to my life?!

OP posts:
Goodbetterbest · 05/07/2015 10:56

Lula and nearly, I too had many years of it. The end result is the same.

The sense of relief I have now since finding the strength to end it is huge. Life is so much brighter. DCs and I are much happier for it.

Seriouslyffs · 05/07/2015 10:56

Be devestated for a little while and then be excited and strong!
You have a beautiful child and an exciting future. What are you going to do about housing? If I were you, with no joint assets (which there should be but that's water under the bridge) I'd be straight down to the housing office tomorrow morning. You will probably be b&b'ed for a few weeks but you could be securely and privately housed by the Autumn.

butterflygirl15 · 05/07/2015 10:58

so that means he has left I hope?

By letting him get away with it before you gave him permission to do it again. He isn't going to change.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 11:02

DS and I will move in with my mum. But she's on holiday. So when she gets back and I can get sorted.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 05/07/2015 11:05

I'd still get down to the housing office ASAP. Even if there's a chance to stop with your mum you'll be less likely to slide back if you have your own place.

Ohbollocksandballs · 05/07/2015 11:05

Don't be devastated. You are worth so much more than this. The truth will always set you free, but it will piss you off first Flowers

LIZS · 05/07/2015 11:06

Ask him to leave until then.

WishITookLifeSeriously · 05/07/2015 11:08

The same happened to me 6 years ago. I can now honestly say that he did me a favour in deciding to leave. I'm sure I'd still be putting up with him shagging behind my back and in my bed, then believing it was my fault when I confronted him about it.
Life is so good for me and our children without him. Now is the time for you to be free.

Sickoffrozen · 05/07/2015 11:21

This really is a blessing in disguise. He will want you to come running now. Don't! It will hurt for a bit but you can do so much better than this idiot.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 11:48

I really don't think this is to make me come running, he's done that before but this isn't the same. It's really over and I know I should be seeing the good but I'm just gutted

OP posts:
Joysmum · 05/07/2015 11:55

How come are you leaving, not him?

Dowser · 05/07/2015 11:58

Oh good. You know the truth. You aren't being dragged along by someone pulling the wool over your eyes.

Today is the start of the rest of your ( new) life ( without this tossed in it!)

Has he gone?

Hope so!

It hurts but there's a brighter better future for you.

Goodbetterbest · 05/07/2015 12:54

Lula, sometimes I feel guilty I am so happy.

XH is in my life as we have DCs. The days he is around are unhappy (like today). Thankfully he is selfish and only spends a few hours a week of his precious time with him.

Still, I facilitate his relationship with his children. If I didn't they would see even less of him. He is coming for Sunday lunch. I cannot stand him but must tolerate him.

Tomorrow I will be happy.

Please believe me that life is brighter, more colourful, just as loving. Your happiness will truly make your DC happy.

butterflygirl15 · 05/07/2015 13:13

He's done you a favour - honestly.

DragonsCanHop · 05/07/2015 13:26

Get him to leave. If he ended it he can go, he can't expect you to be around him.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 16:11

We're renting and he pays for everything

OP posts:
DragonsCanHop · 05/07/2015 16:23

Still get him to leave even if you say it's just for a few days so you can have some head space. Then look into what help you can claim as a single parent.

DragonsCanHop · 05/07/2015 16:25

When you say we're renting is your name on the rental?

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 16:31

Um I'm not sure, I've never seen the paperwork. It's on the council tax, I know that

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/07/2015 16:32

Assume you're not married ? He'll need to contribute towards his ds.

DragonsCanHop · 05/07/2015 17:11

Be strong. Just tell him to leave for a few days and start from there.

He doesn't deserve you

saltnpepa · 05/07/2015 17:23

Yes it is logical that if he wants to break up that he is the one who should move out, not terribly bright is he.

RubbishMantra · 05/07/2015 17:40

How dare he ask you and DS to move out. I know you say he pays the rent, presumably that's because you've put your own career on hold to look after DS.

He's treated/treating you horribly.

Whichseason · 05/07/2015 17:47

One of the best tips I was given is imagine the person or imaginary character that you want to be like in this situation ie somebody who has lots of self respect and ask yourself how would they behave in this situation.

Original poster
Lula2515 · 05/07/2015 18:43

He went out for the day (leaving ds with me of course) and I've been looking into things...I'm actually quite excited about the nice life ds and I can have.
Just need to keep this excitement and strength for when he gets home

OP posts: