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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me! My fiancé has gone mad!!!

62 replies

Tiffster215 · 26/05/2015 20:03

Ugh where do I start. Well a year ago I have fallen head over heels in love with the most perfect man that I have ever met. He treated me like a princess and worshipped the ground I walked on. We fell in love fast and became engaged 5 months after dating. Recently, about 2 weeks ago, he's had very very stressing situations happen to him. His son is in prison on pretty bad charges, he has been working 7 days a week, he lost his drivers license so now he has to take the bus everywhere, he might be going to jail for a while for an accident that occurred and every penny that we've been trying to save up for goes to his lawyer and his son. He also has so many more issues, lately we have been trying to have a child for a year and nothing has happened, he also has a very bad relationship with his parents and has gotten in a bad fight with his step dad. I can go on about his problems but I won't. Well lately he has been treating me kind of bad, he acts more sarcastic and he has a short temper (mind you he can be sarcastic sometimes when he's in a good mood that's how he acts when he's playing around but now it's been more serious) and he used to be one of the most patient people in the world. One of the best men that I have met in my life, nurturing hard working, cares and treats me so good all the time but it hasn't been the same lately in the past 2 weeks. I don't know if the stress has gotten to him and he's taking it out on me and I should stick it out, or if he's really going crazy. See I know were not married yet but I don't want to leave him, especially when he needs me the most. I have talked to him about it lately and he just tells me that I ask dumb questions but that he's sorry and that he thinks he's going crazy. Is this a rut? Or what?

OP posts:
twistletonsmythe · 26/05/2015 20:08

Bloody hell - run for the hills. This man has so many red flags he has enough bunting for a village fete.

Whatever you do, don't get pregnant.

Seems like the mask is well and truly slipping - this is who he is. When a man tells you who they are listen.

He isn't crazy - that is an insult to people with a genuine mental illness.

Quitelikely · 26/05/2015 20:08

It's not a rut at all. The guys mask is slipping off and he is showing you who he is.

Please believe it.

Do not hope in vain that Your relationship will return to how it was before because that just isn't going to happen.............

Or maybe I have just been on MN for too long! Confused

twistletonsmythe · 26/05/2015 20:09

well - Quitelikely and I just posted the same thing at the same time!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 26/05/2015 20:10

You've been together and trying for a baby for a year?
He might be going to prison for an 'accident'?
Sorry to sound negative but he doesn't sound like the perfect partner to me. It sounds like he has a lot of issues, all of which are going to negatively impact your life.
Run.

FlabulousChix · 26/05/2015 20:10

Start with the contraception now. Get your money out of the savings. Pack your bags and leave this is a train crash waiting to happen. He is now showing his true colours the honeymoon period has long gone.

PrimalLass · 26/05/2015 20:13

So his son is in prison and he might be going too? Do not bring a baby into that. Run away.

CocktailQueen · 26/05/2015 20:13

Why have you been trying to get pregnant for. A year if you've only known him for a year??

Start taking contraception, for a start. Bringing a child into this would be a disaster.

I'd seriously think about walking away. ReAlly. Too many issues, too many problems, nothing good happening, or at least take a big step back.

ImperialBlether · 26/05/2015 20:13

Oh god, get out now, while you can! You actually know nothing about this man except that he's capable of showing you two completely different sides to himself - and one side is really awful.

You owe him nothing. Your duty is to yourself. Keep yourself safe, OP.

magoria · 26/05/2015 20:14

Please get on contraceptives and stop trying to tie yourself to this man permanently!

TheVermiciousKnid · 26/05/2015 20:16

Are you fucking serious!?

  • He 'lost' his licence - how exactly did he 'lose' his licence, dropped it down the loo?
  • He might go to jail 'for a while' for an accident - an accident? What sort of an accident?
  • He's got lots of other issues and got into a 'bad fight' with his step dad.
  • He treats you badly.

If that is 'the most perfect man' you have ever met, you must have met some toads!

The only good thing I see is that you haven't got pregnant yet. Bloody hell. And the first red flag would have been him treating you like a princess!

If this is genuine: Run, the hills are that way -->

notapizzaeater · 26/05/2015 20:18

Totally totally agree, get back on the pill and run !

BeCool · 26/05/2015 20:18

He had not gone mad. He is showing his true self after being on "best behaviour" for a while. If you saw the real him at first you would not describe him as the perfect man.

He has charmed you and tricked you into thinking he us something he is not. What you are seeing now is his reality. This is how life with him will be.

Run for the hills or Waste the next few years of your life with him and regret it forever.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 26/05/2015 20:21

Bloody hell OP. Is your self esteem really so low that you feel ending up with this prize is your happy ending?
He sounds dysfunctional, his son sounds dysfunctional for the love of god do not bring another child into this situation!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 26/05/2015 20:21

He doesn't get on with his parents.
He's had a bad fight with his step father
Presumably there's an ex wife/partner around
His son is in prison on pretty bad charges.
Does he have any healthy relationships? Even if this is stress he's not been a bystander in it. To lose his licence he did something bad.
What makes you think that you will be the one person he comes through for?
What makes you think the stresses of a baby would help?

MadHattersWineParty · 26/05/2015 20:22

No no.

Been there, have a horrible t-shirt.

Please get out. That 'best behaviour' phase can be ever so convincing at first. He is showing you who he really is right now.

DoristheCamel · 26/05/2015 20:24

Am aslo confused. You have been trying to get pregnant ever since you first met him?

Don't bother and run for the hills! He sounds a loser and not a catch in anyones eyes. Get out whilst you can.

WayneRooneysHair · 26/05/2015 20:26

As the great Iron Maiden once sung, run to the hills.

BadgersArse · 26/05/2015 20:27

What's with gotten"

butterflyballs · 26/05/2015 20:31

Get out while you have no ties to him. This will only end badly.

FlabulousChix · 26/05/2015 20:32

It's unanimous. Run

DixieNormas · 26/05/2015 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FatAli · 26/05/2015 20:35

Yet another occasion when I realise some MNers opinion on what constitutes a 'perfect man' are quite markedly different to my own.

SylvaniansAtEase · 26/05/2015 20:37

No, he hasn't gone mad.

What has happened is YOU ARE GETTING TO KNOW WHAT HE IS REALLY LIKE.

It's been a year. Honeymoon's over, best behaviour's over, and this is him. Ta-dah!!

It's not like you haven't had enough other red flags: fights, prison, him getting you to sub his various issues. Now you're seeing the brass tacks of it - he's a fucking horrible piece of work.

Stick around to make sure if you must. Keep on with the chances- he will only get worse. Come back and read this thread in a month...

JUST DON'T GET PREGNANT.

HazleNutt · 26/05/2015 20:38

Wow as someone said, if this is the most perfect man you've met, I don't even want to ask what the others were. Run, he is just starting to show his true colours.

Baconontomato · 26/05/2015 20:39

Bloody hell!