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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me! My fiancé has gone mad!!!

62 replies

Tiffster215 · 26/05/2015 20:03

Ugh where do I start. Well a year ago I have fallen head over heels in love with the most perfect man that I have ever met. He treated me like a princess and worshipped the ground I walked on. We fell in love fast and became engaged 5 months after dating. Recently, about 2 weeks ago, he's had very very stressing situations happen to him. His son is in prison on pretty bad charges, he has been working 7 days a week, he lost his drivers license so now he has to take the bus everywhere, he might be going to jail for a while for an accident that occurred and every penny that we've been trying to save up for goes to his lawyer and his son. He also has so many more issues, lately we have been trying to have a child for a year and nothing has happened, he also has a very bad relationship with his parents and has gotten in a bad fight with his step dad. I can go on about his problems but I won't. Well lately he has been treating me kind of bad, he acts more sarcastic and he has a short temper (mind you he can be sarcastic sometimes when he's in a good mood that's how he acts when he's playing around but now it's been more serious) and he used to be one of the most patient people in the world. One of the best men that I have met in my life, nurturing hard working, cares and treats me so good all the time but it hasn't been the same lately in the past 2 weeks. I don't know if the stress has gotten to him and he's taking it out on me and I should stick it out, or if he's really going crazy. See I know were not married yet but I don't want to leave him, especially when he needs me the most. I have talked to him about it lately and he just tells me that I ask dumb questions but that he's sorry and that he thinks he's going crazy. Is this a rut? Or what?

OP posts:
TheVermiciousKnid · 26/05/2015 20:39

Or is this a story line from Eastenders? Hmm

pinkyredrose · 26/05/2015 20:40

You've been with him a yr and you've been trying to have a child for a yr? Seriously?

measles64 · 26/05/2015 20:45

I think someone is having a laugh here, maybe a researcher from Eastenders.

Sallyingforth · 26/05/2015 20:46

I think you have the basis of a passable first novel there OP. You just need to add a few hot sex scenes.
I'll look out for it on Amazon.

tribpot · 26/05/2015 20:48

Is this a Game of Thrones one as well?

SolidGoldBrass · 26/05/2015 21:31

Ditch this dickhead. And then don't date or have sex with any men for at least a year. Your knob radar is in a dreadful state and you need to get it working.

It seems quite likely that either your father (or a father figure) was an occasionally-charming-but-mostly-abusive man and/or several of your previous partners have been very abusive. Otherwise you'd have been a lot more wary of this current abuser.

FuckingLiability · 26/05/2015 21:46

Christ alive. Do one, and do it quickly.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/05/2015 21:49

"every penny that we've been trying to save up for goes to his lawyer and his son"
So he's soaked you for all your money and now he wants to get shot of you, so he's treating you as badly as he can until you take the hint. Sorry, but as soon as you got to that detail, that's exactly what came into my head.

FFS OP, your self-esteem must be in the toilet to think this is the most perfect man you've ever met. Get out now. Run!

RagingJellyBean · 26/05/2015 21:51

Run toooo the hiiiilllllss!

drum fill

Run foooor yooour liiiiiife!

Listen to Iron Maiden, they know their shit.

Haffdonga · 26/05/2015 22:00

This is not a good man. He may need you he doesn't but you really really don't need him. Get out while you still can.

Namechangemcnamechange · 26/05/2015 22:07

You don't go to prison for an accident! !!

and no he has not "gone mad" Hmm he is showing his true colours.

please don't get pregnant with this man. You have seen the life his son had.

pocketsaviour · 26/05/2015 22:12

I'm headbanging to Iron Maiden now.

Good times.

rumbleinthrjungle · 26/05/2015 22:16

At the very least get yourself back on contraceptive today. Do not have a child with this man until you know more about where this is going, no matter how in love with him you are.

FuckingLiability · 26/05/2015 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JeanSeberg · 26/05/2015 22:20

So report it.

SavoyCabbage · 26/05/2015 22:21

He was being nice to you at first so you would fall for him. Now he's reeled you in he's just being himself.

Even without all the other stuff, the money the 'accident' the falling out with his family, he treats you very badly. So don't marry him or have a child with him. Leave him.

Chippychop · 26/05/2015 22:33

Let me tell you my DH has never been out of work, never been in trouble with the police or lost his licence, he gets on with his family and is funny not sarcastic...this is normal. Get out now- no babies to this loser!

Mehitabel6 · 26/05/2015 22:38

Agree with the rest- get out now. You are getting the 'real' man now that he is sure of you.

maras2 · 27/05/2015 00:40

OMFG. Beware of men who treat you like a Princess and worship the ground that you walk on.They do not exist.

minkGrundy · 27/05/2015 00:49

Agree with PPs. Red flags. The whirlwind atart is in itself a red flag.
He is now lining you up to accept that when he is nean it isn't his fault.
Evrntually he eill have you believing it is your fault.

I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear OP. You hoped he woukd get better and it would all be happy and we'd say stick by him. But he really is showing all the wrong signs.
Yes he will be nice to you again. But only if he thinks you are leaving him. And only for long enough to get you to stay.

It will hurt when you split but it will hurt more if you stay.

You can do better. No matter hiw great his good points, his nastiness will always outweigh it in the end

FishWithABicycle · 27/05/2015 06:01

maras2 Beware of men who treat you like a Princess and worship the ground that you walk on.They do not exist

Exactly. Like others have said. He was pretending to be nice. He isn't. Get away. Do not get pregnant. Do not have him in your life any more.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 06:54

I think you are the crazy one.

WottaMess · 27/05/2015 06:55

If the good bits involved watching him 'lose' his license, face prison and do you out of your savings, and you are only now becoming concerned that the 'bad bits' might be coming...

Seriously, my best case scenario here is that he's a con artist who isn't going through all of that but has invented it to get your money off you. The worst case is... Worse.

Run and don't get pregnant on the way.

NorksAreMessy · 27/05/2015 07:07
Hmm
springydaffs · 27/05/2015 07:29

I don't think you will run. You probably think posters don't understand him.

Some have lives like eastenders, some don't. Some struggle to bring normality and calm to very disordered circumstances; some have inherited normality and calm and are dismayed and mistrustful of those who don't have what they have. Some families are full to the brim with difficulties.

The fact he worshipped the ground you walked on is not good news op - though it feels like it at the time. He may or may not be an abuser but a whirlwind romance is almost always bad news.

He may or may not be losing the plot bcs stress levels are so high but that's NEVER an excuse to speak badly to you, regardless what he's going through.

I hope you can find it in yourself to step back. You are far too early in the relationship to be trying for a baby, especially with the high level of stress at the moment.

If he speaks badly to you you must get up and go there and then. Make it clear you will never, under any circumstances, accept being spoken badly to. If he learns from that, apologises and never does it again - ever, not once - you know he's a good man. If he does it again, or it gets worse, you know he is not a good man and the relationship is not sound.

As hard as it is to let go of the fairytale, try to step back.