No present fromDP

[ChristmasMoaner1]

I've NCed as I feel a bit silly.

Also wasn't sure where to post this.

I've brought DP a few gifts, that although aren't expensive, had a lot of thought put into them.

I know you don't give to receive but I'm a bit hurt that he hasn't got me anything. I would have been over the moon with a box of chocolates.

I hope our eldest DC doesn't comment on the fact I don't have any presents to open tomorrow.

I know I should be used to it as I've never had so much as a birthday card off him, let alone a Mother's Day card ect, so I don't know why I feel so sad this year. I think it's because I won't be seeing my mum until next week so at least normally, I'd have something to open on Christmas Day.

Sorry I just wanted to get that out. I know many people have much worse problems. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'll still have a fantastic day with the DC tomorrow with or without presents!

That's a bit shit. Why does he put no effort in?

What a grade A arsehole. Of course your are not being silly. Why are you with someone that respects you so little he can't even be arsed to get you a card for your birthday? That's just mean.

Make sure you treat yourself to some lovely things in the sales.

And here are some virtual presents.

That's horrible. I had an ex who did this, after awhile I just stopped bother in for him too.

I hope your DC do mention it as he may realise how utterly crap he is

I think it's just laziness.

Bothering!

Meaning he can't be bothered to order something/doesn't get round to it.

I hope the DC don't notice. It'll upset me. Eldest is 3 so she's never noticed before.

I'm going to treat myself to something next week but I just feel unappreciated. I always make an effort for him.

This might be a bit tit for tat but I would hold back on giving him his presents tomorrow, just so he can feel what it's like too. He's an arse for not bothering.

Dude. You deserve someone who cares enough to think of you on special occasions.

Right, that's shit. And as long as you keep giving stuff to him and not saying anything about him not getting you stuff, it'll continue. Here's what you do. Go and get his presents right now and put them away somewhere. Then, if your DC ask tomorrow where your presents are, you say with a smile 'Mummy and Daddy decided not to get presents for each other next year'. Then wait for him to bring it up, at which point you say 'Ah, I wondered if you'd got anything for me. Have you?' and take it from there with the conversation where you make it clear that things are now going to change.

(can now see I've x-posted with Zucker - I am guessing you will think it's 'mean', but then ask yourself what is his behaviour then?)

I meant 'presents for each other this year'...

Don't give him anything. Take it back and buy something for yourself.

He's showing you what he thinks of you. I'm so sorry, OP. Hope you have a lovely day with your DC.

My DH was like this - his family had never really done presents for each other, so that was his 'way'. I sat him down and explained to him that birthday and Xmas presents mean a lot to me - I don't need expensive stuff, but I need a bit of thought (I even suggested he found me a pebble off the beach!). I had to spell it out, because he just didn't get it until I did - but now he does, and he tries (still a bit hopeless though!). It was like I had to write it in letters ten feet tall before he copped on - but we got there in the end. Maybe give being explicit about it one more try?

On the other hand, he could just be a thoughtless arse :)

What a thoughtless arse. I would agree with other posters, withhold his gifts tomorrow and if he moans then smile sweetly and say "oh darling I thought we weren't buying gifts for each other". See how he likes it.

Don't feel silly, because you're not. I can't believe someone has grown to be an adult without realising the value of a gift at Christmas, a card from the baby on your first Mother's Day or a bloody Birthday card. What planet is he on?

Is he ok at showing affection and gratitude generally? Did he help buy or pick the kids' gifts? It sounds like it might be indicative of other issues like, well, not appreciating you. Please don't think this is normal because it's not.

Give the stingy bastard a rollocking!!! Never mind 'I should be used to it'..... too passive...... bone idle, thankless men that take people for granted don't deserve families. Let it go and expect many more joyless years of the same.

Don't give him his presents. Why should he sit there opening presents when he hasnt bothered his arse with you?!

I could have written your op. Actually I was going to start my own thread on the exact same topic. My DP had seen what Ive got him, he likes it, but I've decided not to give it to him unless / until he gets me something too. I'll get a refund and buy myself something.
I know we shouldn't give to recieve but it's lazy and nasty not to give the person who loves you and cares for you a present. My DPs family are not big on Xmas but it's no excuse.

Christ, that's horrible OP. I've experienced dreadful anxiety and depression the last few months, to the extent I've had to give up work for a while, because even leaving the house is difficult.

Still managed to buy my DP some thoughtful gifts though.

Tell him from me that he's a miserable tight bastard.

I didn't get anything but I'm not fussed .

But the OP is 'fussed' .... .... Therefore it's important

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Take his presents back and get yourself something nice. Then have a conversation with him about what a thoughtless twat he is being.