Restore my faith - tell me about your decent men!

[horseygeorgie]

Hi everyone!

I have been a serious lurker for many a year and have become very concerned here and in RL about the apparent lack of decent guys out there. So I thought I would start a tread that had an uplifting positive note as it is nearly christmas!

If you would like to, let's give a moment to all the decent men. Tell me about your husbands, brothers, fathers and anyone else who is not a massive w*nker.

I'll start - to my dad, who has been more than supportive since I got pregnant. He has helped me the entire way, is completely selfless. He took me out today and bought my christmas shopping and is always there if I need him, be it at ten in the morning to fix an appliance or 12 at night to repair a car. I also remember him bringing me whisky and chocolate and an awkward dad hug when I split from my husband.

Your turn!!

Neither my father (passed) or my DP are perfect, but they are, to me, the kindest, gentlest, gentlemen I have ever met.

My Dad adored me and would have done anything for me, the same for my mother, but not just that, he went out of his way to help people and wanted nothing in return. My mum did not treat him well :(

My DP has the patience of a saint, we have been to hell and back with illness, debt and mental health problems (mine - i had severe pnd and actually tried to stab him ) yet he stayed and supported me, didn't always say the right things, cannot deal with me being upset but he's here and is my knight in shining armour. Doesn't matter how shit things are (i still suffer from depression/anxiety) laying next to him in bed is where i feel my most safe.

To see him with our DD would melt the hardest of hearts. My Dad was the same - everyone who knew him said he was the perfect gentleman. My DP comes a close second.

my DH is pretty darn amazing. He's intelligent, loyal and most of all he's really kind. He doesn't see housework as my job (probably does more than me), loves spending time with the kids and is always the one who notices that they need new shoes/ haven't got a pack lunch. He supports my career 100% - even if it comes, at times, at the expense of his own brilliant career. He's loves me for who I am, whilst encouraging and supporting me to be the best possible me (whether that's supporting me to make time to workout, or supporting me to spend a couple of days on personal development, leaving him literally holding the baby). He's been a feminist for longer than I have and sees the inequalities that exist in the world and wants to do something about them.

When my dad (who was also amazing), was diagnosed suddenly with a terminal disease, I got a call at work to tell me. I called DH who was in the middle of a huge work event. I couldn't really speak. He heard me on the end of the phone and simply said; I'm coming to get you (without having any idea what it was about but he knew I needed him).

I sometimes find myself taking for granted how loved and supported I feel. I shouldn't. I should be thankful for it every day. I didn't do anything to deserve someone so brilliant - and I am certainly not always as kind as him - but he inspires me to want to be a better person.

Thank you. My DF is not perfect by any strength of the imagination but I thought a thread seeing the good in men would be such a nice change.

My DH is an angel.
Works hard, long hours, earns well.
Comes home and does equal chores, including those related to my children from previous marriage.
He would do anything for me, and I for him. Fidelity is necessary to us both. Does night waking with kids, without exception.
He's exceptionally attractive. Never flirts. Makes it clear that I am his wife - especially when approached by women.

My ex was quite the opposite, meaning I can fully appreciate what I have.

I have so many lovely men in my life: DH (and 4 DSs ), my dad, my brother (who is kind to his own detriment at times), male colleagues and friends.

Much as I know that there is a lot of misery and heartache out there, I think it's important to remember that people are always more likely to talk about a negative story (reporting bias), so thanks for starting this thread .

It bears saying that not all men are like that (although NAMALT is a bit of an insult in feminist debate, but for individuals it's important to remember it).

My dad is my hero and has supported me throughout my life and encouraged me to reach for the stars.
In the 70's he was telling me that I could do anything, I'll never forget that.
My DH is a wonderful man, he supports my career, sorts out the house and looks after his elderly parents. He is a phenomenal father to my DSS's and is bringing them up to be great men.
Which brings me to my DSS's, they are teenagers, and I'm a stepmum. They've spent the day with me, knowing DH was away all weekend looking after his parents, helping to clean the house, cook supper and walk the dogs. I can honestly say that they are good kids, and have the makings of good men.
I hope my stepDILs appreciate them

In the past 6 months my Stepdad has shown himself to be the kindest, best man in the world. We had never spent any time alone together until my darling Mum passed away and he has been my rock. He has changed car tyres, helped me repaint the house, given me some big much needed hugs and mopped my tears when ExP left me just after the funeral (yeah, thanks for that ExP - he definitely wont be getting a mention in this thread!! lol ).

Even though we're not blood related he's the number 1 man in my life and i feel so blessed and lucky that he cares so much.

Love this thread by the way, great topic OP.

Thank you do much for participating here, they all sound wonderful! X

My DH is brilliant. I moan and gripe about him sometimes, and I forgot just how much a non-sleeping baby tests you (it's DC3, you'd think I'd know..) but fundamentally, he's a great man. He's kind, and thoughtful. He loves our kids. He is loyal and intelligent and he makes me happy every day. I am so glad I met him young so that we hopefully have many years together.

DH and I have been together 30 years and married 22. I have never ever felt scared of him. I have never worried about telling him something because of his reaction. I have always felt secure, even when we didn't have a pot to piss in, because neither of us had a pot to piss in and if he had had a pot he would have given it to me. There have been several periods in our marriage when for one reason or another we have not had sex for over a year. He has never strayed physically or emotionally. He has quietly supported me through PTSD, depression, PND, my toxic family troubles, the whole caboodle.
He is a marvellous dad to our dd, although somewhat bewildered by her teenage angst. It doesn't stop him spending time with her practising guitar, or letting her practice her nail techniques on his (motor mechanic) hands.
But the thing that engenders the hugest respect for him is the fantastic dad, friend, role model, champion he is to our disabled son who is 20. The man missed a vocation in life, and the world missed out someone really special when he chose to spend his life messing with dirty engines.
So although I would really like for you to remove that carburettor from my hall before Xmas, P, big ups to you.

I'm surrounded by wonderful men
My husband is the best of the bunch. He does the majority of the housework and really takes care of me and our two dd's. He is always trying to be a better person and never feels like he gives enough. He goes out of his way for everyone, never expects anything back.
My Dad is so helpful and funny too. My brothers are funny, sweet, awesome lads.
My FIL is a saint! How he copes is beyond me with all that's on his plate...
I have a couple of male friends too who always impress me with their logic and well reasoned opinions on sensitive matters like feminism and child rearing.
I would go as far to say that 99% of the men in my circle are wonderful people. As are the women!

Two more wonderful men here too - my Dad and my DH are my rocks. Not perfect but I wouldn't change either of them for the world.

Most of the men in my life are lovely, my Dad has a special pedestal all of his own

DH is a good man, works hard for us all and has always done his share of the shitty (literally!) end of parenting.
I am poorly and this morning before he took the DSs out so that I could have some peace, he brought me a cup of tea in bed - and a thermos containing the rest of the pot with milk already added so that I didn't have to leave my bed to have more. Lovely man

My DH is the most loving, funny, thoughtful, intelligent and caring husband, father, son, brother and friend I could imagine. He's my world and i remember everyday how lucky we are to have found each other.

My DP is a wonderful man. I adore him. After 2 previous partners who, to be frank, were utter shits! I'd completely given up on men! But along came DP and faith was restored..... Eventually. I gave him the run around big time at first. But he really fought for me, and he makes me happy every day. Wonderful father, caring and so supportive. I genuinely count my blessings every single day.

Aww some lovely men out there!

Ah, thanks Officer. Did make me giggle about your hubby and the PP's perhaps being one and the same
I am welling up too reading about everyone's lovely men.

My dad is pretty amazing. He is so squeamish, and hates hospitals and anything to do with them. But when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer he did an amazing job of caring for her. He did everything for her and was by her bedside when she died at home, where she wanted to be. Me and my sister were only 22 and 17 and we've become so close to him since. He is brilliant.

My DH is great too, he has a massive heart, very generous and loving, and is such a good dad to our DD. He's a brilliant son too, one of my favourite stories was when his DM's washing machine broke just before Christmas (and she was a bit skint) so he bought her a nice new one, then panicked that it might be a sexist gift. He's very genuine and sweet.

Fab thread! I started a similar one a while ago and I think it needs re visiting regularly. It's goid for me to count my blessings and hopefully gives the folk going through rough relationships a vision of the fact things are good in other relationships - being crapped on all the time isn't a normal state of affairs iyswim - as I think if you have maybe had a rough childhood you think that's " just men and how they are " when it isn't at all.

My 3 men in my life.....

My dad. I feel sad writing this. He's got dementia ( and is deaf and pretty blind) and is irritable and grumpy often. He's just turned 91. Sometimes we see the smiley dad I remember though- we took him and mum away for 2 days ( it was hard work!) and he was telling a carer " I had a lovely time but maybe I didn't say so at the time". Dad was a real hands on dad in the 1960s when it wasn't fashionable. Changed nappies, fed me choc pud till I was sick ( because I wouldn't stop eating it!) etc. Drove me everywhere to support my music etc etc. He was a primary teacher and did magic things with the boys ( almost all boys interestingly) in the remedial class.

DH. Just the best. Solid, reliable, probably a bit dull but just the best. This week for instance he's been ill ( he's never I'll) so Ill he's missed choir concerts and he never does that ( the last time he didn't sing in the choir messiah concert was 1984 the year before he joined!). School finished Wednesday , on thurs he still got up to make my pack up and drinks for me to take to work - for a 7am start. He's sleeping in the spare room so his coughing doesn't wake me. Ok I had to choose ( and then buy as he didn't get round to it on line and they were out of stock so I went into a store) my own xmas present. He still got the Saturday croissants and paper even though he didn't have to go out to take dd to orchestra which is the usual routine.

Ds (18) shaping up to be a good 'un too. Gives the best hugs to his old mum, is pretty good at helping out round the house, works hard and is balancing a singing commitment with study and a lovely girlfriend who is a fair train journey away now.

Oh and FIL is a gem too. Kind generous thoughtful and always made me feel part of their family. Apart from now being a slightly scary driver his only fault is the annoying " we'll be late if we don't go right now" twitching that goes on about half an hour before we actually need to go!

My DH is lvely. He has his faults but they are minor. He has been there every second for me through some health issues and my lovely mum getting frail and ill and dying. He tells me every day he loves me. He does his share and more around the house.He is kind and funny and loving.

He also made friends with and visits and helps an old lady locally. am not making it up to make him sound good

I am 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby and he has put up with some real shit from my awful mood swings- I have been just awful at times. He has not once been nasty back.

He does drive me mad at times but then I must drive him madder.

My DP is the light in my darkness, he brings me joy every day. He's incredibly kind, doing anything he can to help me whenever I need it, one time trekking over 2 miles at stupid o'clock to give me a hug because my friend had died, he's ridiculously patient both with my children from my previous marriage, but also with me when I hit low points (depression sucks!)

He's loyal to a fault, making sure that anyone and everyone knows we belong together, he's funny as all hell, making me laugh several times a day even when I'm trying to be grumpy, he doesn't laugh at my beliefs or opinions but tries to expand on them so even I learn more than I think I know.

Every time I have a harebrained scheme (and some are truly bats) he looks for ways to make it work (or at least get into mischief with me), he respects the hell out of me so when I tell him I need alone time or similar, he will quietly bring me a glass of wine, kiss me on the head and wander off to let me do my own thing without wondering if he's going to keep interrupting me.

I could go on and on but this would be longer than it already is. I literally cannot imagine my life without him and wonder daily how the hell I ended up being so lucky. Hah, I've even said that to him and he tells me that he's the lucky one!

Gah! I'm all mushy now

Some fantastic men here. I was beginning to think they were a dying breed!

My dad. At the end of a fourteen hour shift during the fuel strike in the very small hours of the morning - passed a petrol station that had just finished taking a rare delivery of fuel. He after arriving home drove cars belonging to me, my mother and my sister back to the petrol station and brought them back with a full tank before crawling into bed with the birds chirping in the trees and the sun rising.

Three men

• Someone who was between a grandad and a dad in my very troubled teen years. He and 'grandmother' gave me a hole to bolt to many weekends; he took me out walking, he chatted, he widened my view of the world, he talked books and poetry and sailing, told me when I was out of line, now and then gave me bits of money when I didn't have enough for a haircut or feminine hygiene. He could never do it now (a 60+ yo man and a 16 yo girl as friends?? But he was a decent man). We were friends and he and to a lesser extent 'grandmother' pulled me through. When I look back, he is the happy memory of a father.

• A teacher of an alternate therapy which involves physical contact. He has behaved with absolute propriety in all circumstances and has been a steady, wise and perceptive influence. Love him and his wife deeply. Two people whose lives are charactised by gentle, unshowy and unceasing love for their friends and family.

• My husband. Kind, a brilliant hands-on father. Not perfect but hardworking, loving, gentle. Due to me having health problems he is really the primary carer of the children ( :( ) despite working and he's wonderful.