Restore my faith - tell me about your decent men!

[horseygeorgie]

Hi everyone!

I have been a serious lurker for many a year and have become very concerned here and in RL about the apparent lack of decent guys out there. So I thought I would start a tread that had an uplifting positive note as it is nearly christmas!

If you would like to, let's give a moment to all the decent men. Tell me about your husbands, brothers, fathers and anyone else who is not a massive w*nker.

I'll start - to my dad, who has been more than supportive since I got pregnant. He has helped me the entire way, is completely selfless. He took me out today and bought my christmas shopping and is always there if I need him, be it at ten in the morning to fix an appliance or 12 at night to repair a car. I also remember him bringing me whisky and chocolate and an awkward dad hug when I split from my husband.

Your turn!!

I have heard DP swear maybe 3 times in 6 years. All when he has hurt himself.

He is gentle and quiet.

He has never raised a hand to anyone.

He is generous.

Does more housework and cooking than I do (and doesn't even live with me to be doing it). Mind you that may be the germaphobe in him at the state of my house

He loves me grey hair, hairy chin and wobbly bits and has never once put me down.

My DH is a good one (previous DH was a bastard so this is a revelation for me). He is calm, kind and thoughtful, works long hours and does more than his share at home, and is just an all round thoroughly decent person. DD is coming home for Christmas today - she is his step DD, but he is ridiculously excited about seeing her. He also (twice, once without me) drove over 300 miles in a day to help her move house. On the second occasion, we were just setting off for home when DD realised she had left something at the previous property. Without hesitation, he said, 'I'll go' and drove to the old house to fetch it. He's a good man.

My Mum mentioned a few weeks ago that she'd always wanted to go up in a helicopter. Dh has organised for her to do so for her Christmas present.

I do love thoughtful people.

My DH, he is my rock! He is the most hands on dad to our two young sons. He does all the night wakings, gets up with them in the morning when he can so I can enjoy a nice shower and dry my hair in peace! He is in the army and works long hours and we are often apart, but when we he comes home, he takes over with the boys, despite not sleeping for a week. He accepts me for me, faults and all. He makes me feel beautiful despite having put on weight with 2 pregnancies (sons are 18 months apart) I just couldn't cope if he wasn't in my life. He may not wash up very often and he may leave his clothes on the floor, but I enjoy taking care of him and our children (the young me would have been outraged at this), he provides us with a home, with money (although not much!! Soldiers don't get paid well!!!) and more love than I ever imagined!

My dad... He has had an astronomical career, he wasn't always there for me growing up but I've always felt his love. Since having my son almost 2 years ago, he has supported us in so many ways and he is my inspiration! I love him dearly.

Some truly lovely men out there!

My DP, who put his dream career on pause for mine and was our children's main carer for over ten years and went to work in a different field that is more family friendly when my disabilities and needs meant I needed to step off my own career track. Always putting others before himself and caring.

My lodger is another more single example. How he is I'm still not sure, he is one of the kindest, more generous people I know. Happy to lend a hand, to fix this and that, and to make an extra effort just because he knows he has the skills and it will make someone else's life easier. And very patient with my small kids wanting to tell him everything about anything. He's been a lifesaver more times than I can count in the 3+ years he's been living in the back room.

My DH is another good one. He is the kindest and definitely the most decent man I've ever met. He adores my mum and is always checking whether she needs anything. He's had a rotten cough for the last week and has slept on the sofa so he doesn't disturb me. He doesn't go in for the hearts and flowers style of romance, but goes miles out of his way to get something that I've mentioned in passing. He makes me lunch every day for work. I had wonderful Christmases as a child and he's done his best to recreate those for me. He makes me feel beautiful even when I'm looking my worst. He's incredibly funny and I have fun with him just sitting at home. Whatever happens, I know that I come at the top of his list of priorities.

Kindness in a person is definitely underrated.

I have two wonderful brothers. Both kind, thoughtful, generous, supportive, brilliant dads, great husbands and all round good guys.

I have a marvellous husband. He looks after the DCs full time, looks after the dog, keeps me sane, makes me laugh, gives hugs when needed, is patient, kind and thoughtful. He also does the shopping, cooking, cleaning and meal planning.

There are good men out there.

My DH is not perfect (neither am I of course ) but he works hard (has been out helping someone else all morning today), is a wonderful dad to our DS, was more than happy for me to be a SAHM for over 15 years, never, ever comments on how our (joint account) money is spent, is lovely to my aged parents, never comments on my low housework standards. Has never, ever (26 years married) sworn/shouted at me. Also never, ever comments about my weight/hair colour/looks - and I never need to 'encourage' him to want sex - quite the opposite in fact .

"Kindness in a person is definitely underrated."

Totally agree

What a lovely thread!

My decent 'man' isnt actually a man. He is my 9yo son. He is such a lovely caring sensitive boys and goes out of his way to make my life easier. I had a very rare nap on friday afternoon, he woke me at 5 to tell me he had cleaned the living room and scraped up the candle wax that ha dripped down the radiator the previous night. Then he asked if i was coming down soon because he missed me. This morning he came in to ask me what i wanted for breakfast and then i heard him explaining to ds2 that 'we should make it for mum today because she does it for us every day'

It melted my heart and i would be very proud to think this is a glimpse into the future of what kind of man he will be.

My DH, calm, reliable, supportive, trustworthy, will do anything for me. Fabulous dad and step-dad (and taxi driver!). We all appreciate and love him.

My brother also falls into that camp and is another man I know I can rely on completely. So yes, there are some lovely men out there

My dad is an amazing bloke. My mum left us when I was 16, we were a team of three and life was good. We all had to learn to cook, when she first left dad could only cook spag bol, so we ate it a lot! He was the first person I told when I got pregnant at 17, gave me the option to keep the child and stay at home, and took me to all the appointments when I made the difficult decision to terminate. We speak every day, he comes on holidays with us, adores dd and is a huge part of my life.
My husband is also amazing, he was my best friend and then one day it was more than that. Has been ever since. He supports me through my chronic illness, makes me laugh, reassures me when things are tough and has accepted the limitations in my life. He is also a brilliant father.

I am blessed.

My dad wasn't the best father when I grew up... He just doesn't do children.. Now I'm an adult we are very close... This year we had to move house from nothing and furnish it and prepare for our ds due soon... My dad has not only helped furnish and brought most of the baby stuff (all second hand but such good quality) he also brought it all up and did all the basic diy in my house.. He recently took a week off work to help us decorate and sort our house out. He isn't a skinny or young man but he powered through and for that I am so thankful.. My dad would come rushing up the motorway (we live 3 and a half hours away) at any time of day just to help.. I really appreciate my dad I just wish I could tell him how much I do!!

I also have to say my dp... My dp will do anything for me.. He will support me through anything I wanted to do.. I'm currently 40+5 and his ability to deal with my mood swings is admirable in its own right.. Dp works hard for me, when I worried about money he sat down with me and worked it out. He took extra shifts and when I was in my early pregnancy and could not deal with cooking he wouldn't complain when cooking me a quick meal after a 10 hour shift (he's a chef too). He spoils me rotten and I am a little bit spoilt bratt we are together. He's my rainbow!

My dad is the best he is basically like a mum, dad and bestfriend in one. He wanted a grandchild for ages and when I told him I was pregnant he cried his eyes out. He cooked me dinner throughout my pregnancy, he bought me my car seat, pram and carrycot also clothes. He also is my childs babysitter and is fantastic with the baby. He is always the life, soul and joker in all situations and we frequently have good nights together.

My dp is brilliant for example he has been working all week today is his only day off yet he got up with the baby this morning and let me have a liein without being asked. When i woke up he made me breakfast and still looked after the baby so I could relax. Throughout my pregnancy he was so attentive, always making me dinner, driving me everywere, running me baths. when baby was born he dotes 100% on the baby, hes not the typical man who goes to bars often or into the playstation he always states he would rather be with us. He always pays for things when we are out. He is literally 1 in a million. He is like he male version of me he even left university the first time when i left due to the death of my mum. We took a year out and both went back together. We have had our ups and downs as you do but overall I wouldnt change a thing

My DH is fab. I always knew he was, but since we've been married I just realise more and more how fab he is, every year.
He is kind and goes out of his way to be generous and lovi g towards me. He puts me and DC first. He isn't a doormat by any stretch of the imagination and does thing she wants to, but he thinks first about the family.
Examples of his kindness, are he brings me breakfast in bed every day. He arranges his work so he can do some pick ups and drop offs of DC, which helps if I'm working. He will sit and watch 'call the Midwife' with me (whilst doing somethig. On the iPad....but sitting with me anyway)
And he is a fab Dad. He is genuinely interested in the children and enjoys their company. He's much better at playing with them than I am. They think he is wonderful too.....long may that continue.
I daily thank God for him. And I know he is happy with us too. We are a lucky lot!

what a lovely thread. Glad you started it, horsey

My husband is amazing. I grew up thinking I could not be loved by a man after my abusive dad, and a father figure who ended up disowning me and a failed marriage. He showed me how loveable I am, how I deserve to be loved.

He is so gentle, wouldn't hurt a fly and I mean that literally. I remember the time when he found a dying lizard and he sat with it until it died, trying to keep it warm That is him all over, soft and caring.

He loves making me happy, he just loves me, despite the fact that I am complicated, insecure and pretty grumpy. I had three young boys from my first marriage and he loved them straight away, 10 years on and not once has he ever treated them any differently to his bio children. He loved them straight away because they were part of me.

So many nights he has sat there and hugged me while I cry over the death of my ex husband. When he died I will never forget how much he cried and hugged us all and grieved with us. How he put up loads of photos of their dad all over the walls for them, how he cried with us at the funeral. How he comforted my ex's widow and his family.

He is loyal, protective, caring, generous, patient, sensitive and just a genuinely wonderful person that everyone loves when they meet him.

I should add that my boys are still a part of me, not were

My DP. He was amazing during my pregnancy with DS, who I fell pregnant with after we had been together a mere 4 months. He put his head down at work, saved enough money to get us our own place together, moved everything in when I was 8 months pregnant without murmur. He is now SAHD to DS so I could progress with my career and has been very supportive. He tells me everyday that I'm beautiful, he loves me and runs the household. I also have a physical issue which sometimes leaves me incapacitated and will look after both me and DS without complaint. I'm lucky to have him.

My step dad. He came in to my mums life after 10 years of her being a widow and has made her much happier than I had seen in years. Even though I was an adult when they met he has always been there when needed - lifts if required, helping with diydiy, car issues and all the other little bits I could never rely on my own dad to do.

My dad was a kind, loyal funny and lovely man. He and my mum were together from 18 until death, and they loved each other throughout. He did not cheat, was not abusive (in any of the forms) and loved and respected her and the family. He worked hard and it was tragic when he died relatively young (at 69). He is missed by all who knew him.

My husband is the most chilled out, patient and loving man I have ever met. He is also loyal and honest, intelligent and funny. He is willing to stand up to those who are sexist, racist or otherwise inappropriate. He loves me for all my faults and loves the children just as much.

I thank my lucky stars on a daily basis for having both these men in my life, because I know a few complete twats too (Dbrother, Dbrother-in-Law 1, 2 and 3, FIL I am looking at you...)

There are good men out there, you just don't hear about them on the relationships board all that often.

My grandad gave up a career in the late 1940s. He had a promising medical career and was about to train as a neurosurgeon.

He was away for the second world war and my grandmother who was a nurse was really strong through the war, has the most enormous breakdown when he returned. She didn't believe the war was over. There could have been PND there as well.

She had ECT and it totally ruined her memory and made her a bit vague, although I remember as being enormously kind and practical. Anyway, she never could work again and needed a lot of care so he gave up his dreams and got a desk job in the civil service where he ended up very high up and involved in the design of hospitals. He was awarded an honour for his work in the civil service. Not quite a knighthood.

In the 1990s My Grandmother developed Alzheimers, which my grandad suggested might be connected to the ECT. He looked after her at home and lifted her when needed even when he was a slight man with a heart condition in his eighties. She used to talk about her home village in Ireland so he took her there for a visit. She didn't recognise it. He injured his knees doing this.

She died at home in the mid nineties and he died in 2013 at 99 He still lived at home until the last couple of weeks when his heart really gave out.

My DH is simply the best . That's all . I am so, so fortunate .
The only issue is that our DD does not realise that not all men are like her fabulous father . I don't want her to get hurt or be badly treated through being too trusting .

My stepfather is the first properly decent man in either my life or my mother's :) While he'd reject the word, he is a feminist and supports the issues I have with Mum's ingrained misogynies, meaning she gets to see the light as well. He's a kind person, doing much for his local community and for individuals. He's also eccentric, independent and sociable. Since his wife died he learned to cook so well that he's won awards, but isn't a show-off chef. One outstanding strength of his is an ability to promote & support others' talents, so quietly that no-one feels patronised or 'helped'.

He turned up just as my recovery reached the stage where I'd learnt the facts about decent people & good relationships, but hadn't yet got to know any such paragons. Knowing him has smoothed my way to understanding that this isn't - or shouldn't be - an exception. It's just a better way to live a life.

My DH is my rock. Kind, funny, silly, supportive, thoughtful, loyal and generous. We've had some tough times but I've never doubted for a second how much he loves me and not once in our entire relationship has he ever made me feel insecure.