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Original poster

Never had casual sex.

53 replies

Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 11:11

Chatting with a friend this morning who expressed total disbelief when I said I'd never have had a one-night stand/casual encounter.

For a thirty-something gut, is that unusual? Not really bothered, but just wonder what people think.

OP posts:
TwentyBore · 09/11/2014 11:16

Neither have I. Not attracted to ONSs in the slightest and never have been. Sex is only special if confined to a loving trusting relationship, for me anyway. No, you are not unusual and there is nothing wrong with you!

Vitalstatistix · 09/11/2014 11:18

Nothing wrong either way and no, I don't think it's unusual. I suppose as many haven't as have. Everyone should do what they feel comfortable with.

NoMarymary · 09/11/2014 11:22

It's not obligatory!

Personally it has to be part of a relationship but I would not judge someone who did this, but I don't think it's for me.

BitterHoneyGreenNight · 09/11/2014 11:23

I've hooked up with friends once or twice for one-off, no-strings sex. But I've never done the 'meeting a stranger in a bar and taking them home for sex' thing. I'm mid thirties too. I don't think casual sex is unusual. I don't think not having casual sex is unusual.

KittyandTeal · 09/11/2014 11:30

The only ONS I ever had (or thought it would be) has need up as my DH Smile

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/11/2014 11:45

I don't think it's unusual at all. In my experience prospect of casual sex is all very exciting in the moment but the reality can be extremely disappointing.

"To thine own self be true" seems a pretty reasonable maxim to be applied here.

Original poster
Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 11:47

Thanks all. I guess I sometimes, as a guy, worry that I've had very limited and sporadic sexual experience (I didn't have any throughout my 20's). You just sometimes wonder where you feature on some scale of normality. It shouldn't matter I know.

OP posts:
sydlexic · 09/11/2014 11:47

I think the younger you are the more likely. It has become more acceptable as the years go by. I don't think it would work for me, but each to their own.

Vitalstatistix · 09/11/2014 11:50

If it doesn't interest you, then it doesn't interest you.

You are perfectly normal.

tbh, when it comes to sex, I don't think there's such a thing Grin so just do what you feel is right for you and bugger everyone else!

Vitalstatistix · 09/11/2014 11:50

erm. I think I'd like to amend that to bugger what anyone else thinks.

BitterHoneyGreenNight · 09/11/2014 11:52

Vitalstatistix Grin

cruikshank · 09/11/2014 11:54

It's not unusual and I think probably is more unusual to have had casual sex, for all the fulminating the Church and the Daily Mail do about society going to hell in a handbasket. I think it depends on your friendship circle - ime people who live a more 'alternative' lifestyle (for want of a better word) tend to be a bit more promiscuous. Outside of that, there are a hell of a lot of people who only want sex within a relationship, or indeed even within a marriage. Just do what makes you happy.

cruikshank · 09/11/2014 11:56

sydlexic, I wouldn't be so sure about that. What about all the hippies in the 70s? Ravers in the 80s? Crusties in the 90s? There have always been people 'out there' shagging randoms (and enjoying it!). Teens/students today are actually a bit more conformist I would say.

Original poster
Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 12:00

Thanks everyone - made me feel better. It just seems that most people I know under 40 have had all these sexual escapades and I feel like a bit of an odd one out lol! As i say I'm not really bothered, just more curious as to whether there is some sort of general feeling about what constitutes a 'normal' or 'average' sexual history for a young man. Also, my partner was initially quite shocked by how little experience I had had.

OP posts:
NamesNick · 09/11/2014 12:01

after splitting with dds dad ( 6 years together ) I got closer to an old work colleague and we ended up in a casual sex situation.
It was apparent from both sides that it was purely sex and a laugh (we did go on a couple of dates) mostly we would meet up at his for sex.
For me, I look at this time as a massive turning point in my life. The fact that we were both under no illusion about futures together was so refreshing and enabled us to just enjoy the thrill of saucy texts, cheeky meet ups and just enjoy each others company.
This went on for about 8 months and fizzled out when I met current partner.

I am normally quite a needy person when it comes to relationships but I completely surprised myself with this guy. We both just wanted sex and a bit of fun and more importantly we both understood that.

I think of him every now and again but tbh it's only to want to thank him for being around at a time when no strings was exactly what I needed. It was ace!

Casual sex is only casual when both participants are in agreement, so for most imo it can be a bit of a head fuck because sometimes one person wants more than the other which ends up in someone getting hurt.

Maybe for me it was a self esteem thing? But in all honesty this "fling" helped me more than this guy will ever know

there is no right or wrong

cruikshank · 09/11/2014 12:02

Hasn't the average man only had something like 9 partners in a liftetime? Doesn't sound like tonnes of casual sex going on to me.

Original poster
Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 12:03

Yes, I'm not sure people are having quite as much as we're led to believe.

OP posts:
NamesNick · 09/11/2014 12:03

wow that was an essay Blush

Sprink · 09/11/2014 12:05

Geez, what has the world come to where it becomes a jaw-dropping moment to find out your adult friend has NOT fucked a random stranger. Confused

You rebel.

Pandora37 · 09/11/2014 12:05

I think it's because there's an assumption that men are always up for sex and will shag anything that moves. Whilst that's true for some men, equally I've known men who have only ever had sex in relationships and aren't interested in ONS or even FWBs. I don't think you're unusual. I think men often exaggerate their numbers with friends, I think there are a lot more men out there than people think who aren't into casual sex.

candyce83 · 09/11/2014 12:19

You are not missing out at all!!

Castlemilk · 09/11/2014 12:26

No, neither have I. I have no moral stance on sex whatsoever, but have never had any interest in going straight to sex with someone I don't know - just not the way my 'sex brain' works. I'd find it irritating, the sex would obviously be shit because you don't know one another, what if he ended up being an arse - etc.

I'd rather have at least a bit of build up. I don't tend to really start fancying someone until I've got into conversation with them. Fussy fussy!

You are neither usual nor unusual - it's a non-issue.

Castlemilk · 09/11/2014 12:27

Oh and yes my DH is the same Pandora (or says he is...Haha).

MunningCockery · 09/11/2014 12:29

Vitalstatistix Sun 09-Nov-14 11:50:18

...just do what you feel is right for you and bugger everyone else!

Grin
vodkanchocolate · 09/11/2014 12:54

Dont see anything wrong with having a one night stand I had a fair few before settled down. There is also nothing wrong with never had one!!!

EACH TO THEIR OWN!!

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