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Original poster

Never had casual sex.

53 replies

Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 11:11

Chatting with a friend this morning who expressed total disbelief when I said I'd never have had a one-night stand/casual encounter.

For a thirty-something gut, is that unusual? Not really bothered, but just wonder what people think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 12:58

Maybe it's not so much a case of never having had a one night stand, and more a case of having relatively few sexual partners overall (basically I'm in the second year my second ever relationship. The other was a primarily non-sexual one at Uni).

OP posts:
peppaistired · 09/11/2014 13:06

Never had casual sex either. I'm in my early forties and only slept with two men in my life. I met my DH when I was quite young and was never interested in ONS either. They were not for me at the time, but I totally respect people who find that fulfilling or enjoyable. Each to their own.

Vitalstatistix · 09/11/2014 14:02

are you happy?

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 09/11/2014 14:20

You are not alone. I often wonder what i miss out on or have.

VanitasVanitatum · 09/11/2014 14:25

I did once and hugely regretted it. As long as you're not judging those who do I cannot see the problem at all.

PossumPoo · 09/11/2014 14:27

I sound a bit horrible I know but I wouldn't be interested in settling down with someone who hadnt had at least a few other sexual partners.

But it's your life OP, live it the way you want to!

Joysmum · 09/11/2014 16:23

I have, and I don't recommend it. There's nothing so sexually fulfilling as sex with a partner you have an emotional connection with and have taken the time out to train up Grin

MrsBloodCurdlingscrEames · 09/11/2014 16:24

Only slept with my husband. I couldn't do casual sex, the thought of where their bits have been before me... yuck!

MrsBloodCurdlingscrEames · 09/11/2014 16:26

And yes I realise I am odd Grin

itwillgetbettersoon · 09/11/2014 17:03

I've never had casual sex. Also been in a relationship. Mentally I'm not sure I could handle it.

ThatDamnedBitch · 09/11/2014 20:05

I've never had a ONS. I met my DH when I was 16 and was only with one other person before him, which was also a relationship. DH has never had one either, he 2 long term girlfriends before me.

cruikshank · 09/11/2014 20:14

There's nothing so sexually fulfilling as sex with a partner you have an emotional connection with and have taken the time out to train up

See, I don't see how you can say that if you've never actually just gone out and shagged someone for the hell of it because you wanted to scratch an itch. How do you know what you have is more 'sexually fulfilling'? I get that you're happy, and that's cool, but I'd never say that my own sex life is more sexually fulfilling than someone else's.

Joysmum · 09/11/2014 20:18

cruikshank

Try reading the first 2 words of my post again in context to the rest of the sentence Wink

YellowSpoon · 09/11/2014 20:19

Look it is only a problem if you haven't had more sex because you secretly think most women tarts or not up to standard or if you really want to shag men, tortoises or handbags. If it's because you wanted til it felt right or just got fewer chances then you would have expected that is fine - great even.

I don't really get the whole one night stand thing, I am fine with emotion free sex but I want to know someone I am having sex with... I feel a bit squemish about where else their cock has been and whether the next day they turn out to have a bed full of poo crumbs or a subscription to guns and gals.

Anyway dh has only shagged me - he is discerning and as far from some modern fucked up porn obsessed tinder surfing loser as is possible. Any functioning couple can work out good sex together then can enjoy it until children, pets, jobs and old age fuck it up.

Liara · 09/11/2014 20:25

IME casual sex is usually fairly crap.

It takes a few goes to attune yourself to a partner, sex does get better with practice!

Original poster
Joe3578 · 09/11/2014 20:26

Thanks all!

The main reason I didn't have much in the way of sexual relationships was I had mental/physical health problems and just didn't have the resources required for a relationship. There were offers of casual sex, but I just found the prospect a bit scary and uncomfortable. Guess it's just not for me. Overall, always found it easier relating to people as friends. I'm not asexual but I do have a low sex drive and sex has never been as intuitive or natural as it is (or seems to be) for many other people.

OP posts:
cruikshank · 09/11/2014 20:32

Oops sorry joysmum, I was reading quickly and conflated the other post saying they'd never had a ONS with yours. Fair enough if it does't float your boat.

Dirtybadger · 09/11/2014 20:36

I've had lots of casual sex. It's mostly been really good. That's just me, though. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not having done that. If you're happy, you're happy. That is the aim, after all.

Nobody can say it is/would be good or bad for any person but themselves. Really not something you can generalise about. Saying it's always disappointing/amazing or inferior/superior to sex within a relationship is an opinion and an opinion only.

You're normal. It's normal.

LittleBairn · 09/11/2014 20:38

I haven't either, still in my 20's its seems pretty unusual within my age group. But I did marry young.

jack21211 · 22/01/2016 18:55

Nothing wrong with one night stands as long as you both know what u are up for and hopefully like what each other likes in the bedroom. Ive had plenty we have always been under the same understanding of where it is going i i always tend to find out what she likes 2 so i know and can make it great for her.

TheMouseThatRoared · 22/01/2016 19:10

Hmm this thread is from 2014!

Savagebeauty · 22/01/2016 19:14

I had loads in my twenties. Maybe 30?
Mostly great fun.
Then married for 30 years.
Entirely up to the individual.

KacieB · 22/01/2016 19:17

What is with all the zombie threads lately??

KacieB · 22/01/2016 19:17

(She said, adding to a zombie thread)

ForalltheSaints · 22/01/2016 20:08

I doubt if the zombies have much casual sex though!