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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he hit our son

74 replies

jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:22

oh god - please wwyd?

my 'dh' has just hit my 7 y/o son on the side of the head with a 1/2-full window-cleaner spray bottle (don't know why)

my son went Ape he was so upset.. I was in another room and heard the bang. was frozen to the spot... I asked dh what happened and he told me .. nice as you like without any remorse...

yesterday 'dh' pushed same son out of our bed - we were having family cuddle time - and he hit the floor.

WTF - he knows that I absolutely detest smacking or hitting of any kind... he's not violent towards me.. I suffer badly with anxiety and depression and we're due to go away on a family holiday on thurs...

he and my two sons are now chatting in the sitting room while I type this... is that not totally twisted?!

do I call the police and report him? I know that some parents smack but hitting on the head with a bottle is different surely?

I cant see this straight...my heart is pounding and I feel sick

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 17/08/2014 19:29

Why dud he hit him? (Not that it really matters) wtaf did he push your ds out of bed?

Is he the boys father?

candyce83 · 17/08/2014 19:31

Would you do that to your child? if the answer is no, then why do you feel that way? perhaps because it is wrong? he is being abusive and it happening once is just a catalyst for it to happen again and again. A grown man hurting a child is completely cowardly especially when no remorse is shown. You need to protect your children. its only a technicality that he hasn't hit you. Your children come first.

LIZS · 17/08/2014 19:31

was it deliberate or a "near-miss" which hit when ds moved ?

Kleptronic · 17/08/2014 19:32

Yes. Do it now before you lose your resolve. Ring 101 and tell them what happened. This is not ok. Your dcs will be talking to him trying to appease him. Hitting anyone is wrong. Hitting a child is even more wrong. Hitting a child across the head with an object is very dangerous. This is not ok and you need to do something to protect him, and your husband needs to learn a lesson here.

Davidtennantmistress · 17/08/2014 19:35

Sorry deal breaker for me, hitting either one of my children you'd better hold me back as I'd be after blood father or not his butt would be out of my house.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:36

son seems unperturbed which worried the hell out of me.... almost like nothing happened?
Oh god - been reading women's aid - no marks on him thank god

it was a deliberate thwack - I presume because my dh had the window cleaner in his hand....

slapped younder son on backside yesterday -hes three and was in full tantrum mode. I wouldn't dream of handling a tantrum in this way

OP posts:
tribpot · 17/08/2014 19:37

I was in another room and heard the bang

If you'd heard this happen to a stranger, you'd phone the police, wouldn't you? You know what you need to do. Protect your children.

Vitalstatistix · 17/08/2014 19:37

What you you do if he hit you across the head with an object?
do that.

Quitelikely · 17/08/2014 19:37

You are your child's protective factor. If he tells anyone about this your actions will be called into question and your capabilities as a mother.

Please protect your children from this sort of behaviour. You also need to let your children know it was wrong otherwise if you don't and it continues it is likely that they wil hit their own children round the head with a bottle. Obviously a generalisation but this behaviour does tend to repeat itself.

ImperialBlether · 17/08/2014 19:37

It would be a deal breaker for me, too. If your sons can't trust you to look out for them and to keep them safe, they really have nothing. I wouldn't phone while he's in the house, but would visit the police station tomorrow.

antimatter · 17/08/2014 19:39

Have you discussed with your dh. I would but not in front of the kids and express my opinion and tell him what I would do if it happens again.

Quitelikely · 17/08/2014 19:39

So all of a sudden in the past two days he has became violent to the children? Seems odd.

Any other instances

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:40

he's the father of all my children (3)
my seven y/o loses his temper easily and I have been tring hard to help him to learn how to calm himself whereas his dad just shouts... provocation or not I am just dumbfounded and a bit scared..

kids were acting up on Friday nite. I said they couldnt have a story at bedtime due to their behaviour...'dh' read them one anyway despite me saying 'no'

its all too extreme if you know what I mean

OP posts:
Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:42

well he would smack and I'd tear strips off him.... hadn't done it in a while that I know of.... I have been feeling for a while that I cant leave them with him ..without really knowing why

OP posts:
antimatter · 17/08/2014 19:44

have you asked him why he did it today?

MrsHathaway · 17/08/2014 19:46

If you even accidentally hit your child on the side of the head with an implement loudly enough to be heard in another room, you would be on your knees apologising, offering a cold pack, checking he was ok, and so on.

This man shrugged and carried on with his day.

Smacking the toddler is not how I'd deal with a tantrum either but is probably legal.

It's worth remarking that if your child mentions this to anybody else and you haven't reported it you will share the blame and be considered complicit.

Is your hv any good? Could you confide in a GP or similar, to get it on record without reporting directly to the police if you don't feel able to do so?

Basically, he was very very wrong and you must show that you believe that.

Kleptronic · 17/08/2014 19:46

Well he's teaching the 7 year old to shout and hit, that is no way to treat a child, and slapping a three year old is wrong too. There is a pattern going on here and it needs to stop now, before any more damage is done.

You are the guardian of your children and they need you to put them first in this, they cannot protect themselves, you cannot and should not have to stop him on your own, you need professional help with this. To get it you have to make the call and tell someone.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:47

anti - no I haven't.
scared to - I know I wont receive a straight answer. he's a big time denyer (sp?) - will generally blame everything and everyone for mistakes/misunderstandings and doesn't take responsibility.

OP posts:
EverythingCounts · 17/08/2014 19:47

If you are worried about leaving them with him, that says a lot and it's not good. Whose house is it? Have you got somewhere to go?

HeySoulSister · 17/08/2014 19:48

This is a big problem op.... He won't get any better as they get older and more of a challenge

lettertoherms · 17/08/2014 19:48

This gave me chills.

OP, this sounds like the beginnings of violence. It doesn't often start with a bang.

If your husband beat your or your children black and blue one day I think you would call the police.

But if your husband starts with a light smack here and there, a push here, hitting a child with a bottle one day but not leaving the mark - perhaps you won't report it by the time it gets severe.

I think you need some real life advice. Call Women's Aid when your husband is out of the house.

I hope I'm wrong.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:51

have been googling support _parenting organisations etc... I will be ringing in the morning.

he knows how I feel about hitting/smacking but seems to feel i'm irrelevant

he's now giving off to 7yo for being rough... jesus what have our lives become?

I love my children and work so hard to value them, encourage, appreciate and accept them... but as I said before I have bad depression and am off work from anear-breakdown in may

I live in NI

OP posts:
antimatter · 17/08/2014 19:51

you have to learn to stand up to a bully
he will carry on like that and you know that could make your child not only physically disabled but for sure will leave marks on his personality

it is your responsibility to stand between him and your kids and protect them

talk to him when kids are in bed and just tell him what you are going to do if he hits your children

report to the police, call police and go to see your GP

he has to know he can't just do that because there are consequences

tbh - it doesn't matter why he did it, there's never good reason to hit a child

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:53

mrs Hathaway I agree..... I accidentally caught my sons toe with the edge of my shoe and was almost in tears at the thought of hurting him. I couldn't apo0logise enough.
my poor boys. fuck.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 17/08/2014 19:55

"my seven y/o loses his temper easily" Hmm Wonder where he is learning that from?

Your H is violent. Now you need to think what you are going to do about that and how to protect your children.